Most girls love having crushes.
The thought of someone new.
Asking themselves, “Is this it? Could this be the one?”
Allowing themselves to be hopeful that this one will be different.
But then there’s girls like me.
Girls who have anxiety.
I hate the feeling of liking someone new.
I hate having crushes.
While other’s get butterflies,
I get angry wasps.
My heart doesn’t skip a beat.
Instead it pounds against my chest like I just ran a marathon.
I don’t blush.
My chest heats up and gets covered in red splotches.
When I look down at the ground I’m not doing it to be cute.
It’s better to look at the ground than to look into another set of eyes that will never love you.
While some girls lose sleep out of pure bliss,
I lose sleep because of fear of rejection.
I’m not asking myself, “Could this be the one?”
No, I’m asking myself, “How will this one break my heart?”
But I will let this crush crush me.
I’ll soak in my hurt.
Make myself fully aware of the tears running down my face.
Remember how they feel.
And I will move on.
Like I always do.
“Weeping may last through the night,
But joy comes with the morning.”
Psalms 30:5

The drops of blood
Flows from the
Once cold heart,
That rusted in the
Rain of conflicted
Darkness.
Yet the trauma of
The dark void
Makes her hesitate
To take the next breath,
From cupid's bow.

Red leaves
           fell silently
Under the maple tree
           by the lake
Where we met  
Last autumn
           Late September;
When the maple leaves
             turned crimson
       you made me
blush just like
those scarlet leaves
       That day ...
                                    Autumn came early,
                                  Why don't you,too...?


            Winter's on the way
           Are you, too?


Where are you...?

Most difficult is that moment,
when he smiles at you...........

And instead of doing that happy dance,
and prance around like a magical pixie horse
you just smile, warmly
But your blush.......
The blush gives the game away!

she becomes a cherry blossom -
blushing, shy smiles,
bursting with life.
her petals soak up the sun,
leaves hungry for more -
whenever she's with him.

Lately I've been losing myself from
his smile
his laugh
his humor
his dreams
his passion
his craziness
his personality

Everything about him drives me insane
a simple notification from him brightens up my day
a tease that makes me blush
a wink that makes my heart skip a beat
a smile that makes my blood rush

Uncertainty is inevitable
but one thing's for sure
I'm more than happy to lose myself to him
Everyday

It's only been one month and sixteen days since I met you
but believe me when I say you already mean so much to me