Love has come and gone
The trust is fleeting
Like blossoms
On a tree
How can I tell witch is
Loving fact
Or hurtful lie
When you betray
Our love
I am like seasons
I come in phases
And I know that I will find
Another in the spring
Sorry.
Most
move
on.

I know this blue
It is old
Maybe ancient
Changing shape but still the same
I know these scars
They are heavy with memory
And cold from shame
How many life times have we done this?
How long have I been bleeding
And how energetic you always are
I am empty hands
I am all screams silent and aching
I the fool, all aglow with love
Happily being walked across
Accepting pain that  I am always,
Always too young to process
and forever too old to cry about
I am a pleasure best invisible
And it’s best I keep my joy to me
Less your hug becomes the squeezing
Becomes the cutting off of oxygen
Becomes the death nearly as cold as the spaces you have for me
Why don’t you stay away
So I can remember who I am

One drop
and then another

rolling down dusty cracks in a windowpane;
as transparent as the clouds.

Here they fall, whispering widows
traces as substantial

as the autumn leaves
when the wind whimpers,

as substantial as your smile
when I'm not looking.

The drops simmer on,
down the desert of expression

fall down down down
and I will

make sure to look the other way.

Just like the flow of a thought
Our story coherently played out
Each event like an intention ought
To float on a wave of doubt

Crashing on the shore of memory
It was foamy and filled with greenery
And the birds did feed on its nutrition
And words written in the sand, destruction

Of very moments that were sweet
     Now washed clean as a sheet

She is a pearl, not fully grown yet.
She hides in her shell away from the predators that only want to rob her of herself.
Over the years she grows, she adapts to the world around her because she knows that once she is done growing she will be something beautiful.
She plays show and tell with the tales of her young depression, the solitary game of hide of seek that she wanted so badly to win but she could never find herself.
The only game she ever wins is the mind game that no one other than herself can figure out.
She is awarded champion for making it into high school, the hell years of her life.
She did it, she made it this far,
And now everyone and everything are at her throat trying to drown her in her self doubt and the misery that a waits when she comes up for air.
She holds her trophy high as if it was supposed to be a beaken of hope repeating to herself "I can do it".
She questions her heart, like her heart is the one teasing her with happiness but we all know it isn't.
She tries so hard to hide herself from everyone who could potentially cause her harm but its impossible, her shell is cracked and everyone has found the opportunity to try to break in.
Her insecurities are scars, heart breaks are bruises, betrayel shows as broken bones, dishonesty are missing teeth for each person who has ever walked out of her life.
...
She plays a game of show and tell with her young depression, like she can point to each scar and say "I was fat", each bruise and repeat "he left me for her", each broken bone, each tooth and her tears will tell you the rest.
She will walk over to her trophy case and sigh because she knows it doesn't give her hope, its just proof showing she could withstand breaking infront of everyone for years.
She is a pearl who grew up the wrong way, she will never be perfect.
She will have dents and cracks and she won't be as strong as she was supposed to be.
But that doesn't matter because only beautiful people show their flaws,
She is still everything beautiful to me.