the first time
i was 15
hands grabbed my budding *******
a warm breath on my neck

the second time
i was 18
he flipped me over
held me down
after he questioned why i bled

the third time
i was 21
he told me to be good
that he wanted me to make him proud
off came my shirt
forced my mouth to do things i didn't want

hands feel like boulders even now
/nothing ever changes/
tongues feel like battering rams
/i am estranged/
it's like i have a neon sign pointing at me
/i feel deranged/
saying "hurt me"
in flashing lights