Little brother if you're listenin
i don't want to talk about it
i don't want to mention
i wish i could go back to when
we were kids again and
if i could change the future
lord knows that i would do it
cause i'm tired of dumb and stupid
so many mistakes im feelin useless
i'm suppossed to be the bigger man
i'm suppossed to lead the way
i'm suppossed to have the plan
but there's things i can't explain
deep inside of me there's a pain
and it's not an excuse i'm just sayin
i really hope you understand
cause it's consumin me
so caught up on who i used to be
drownin all my demons
that plan was straight stupidity
and i know it took a toll,
i know i playd a roll
in your choices, your decision, and as i'm gettin old
i love you more than anything
I really hope you know
i'd give the world to clear those memories
take em right out of your skull
cause we got the same mother
but i don't feel like im your brother
i never did got to know just
how our parents told ya
that i'm movin out the house,
cause rehabilitation kicked me out
and they didn't know quite what to do
but i can't keep on lettin loose
they can't let me **** up my life,
not while i'm under their roof
and i can no longer make excuse'
startin to understand the truth
one thing i never thought about
was how i was affectin you
See i can take the liver damage
my brain can take the abuse
my stomach can throw up but
i only got one chance with you
and in a classic ****** fashion
that one chance i know i blew
i know that you forgive me
but that's not what i'm askin
a part of me wants to believe
that this is actually happenin
and i can turn the clock back
restart and make it not sad
and teach you how to be a man
cause our father never can
and i know it's not his fault,
he aint had a father himself,
there's just so much time lost
that's why everyone calls me josh
back then i had a longer name
and thats all i think about when they say
joshua, or joshie, or mention abbey place
where we grew up together
shared a room
and i taught myself to shave
those were the good years,
with blue pool,
at the blue house,
at a small school,
back before i was a fool,
back before i knew what love was,
but lord knows i loved you
lord knows i still do
i'm sorry
