"I miss your love"
she said.

I used to write you poetry.
Last Christmas I made you a journal;
You loved that.

"Things are different. It's a really strange change, isn't it?"
I replied.

"Yeah they are different, you don't love me anymore."
"I miss your cuddles. And your laughter. "
"But mostly your love."

Your three texts remain unopened.
They've been haunting my phone screen
For the past hour now.
And that's how the unsaid things remain unsaid.

If Jesus is the question,
What is the question?
Is it, let's say,
Youth disaffection?
Kids need to be taught to say,
"Back off' to drugs and bullies these days,
Jesus as a forever friend,
To wisdom their lives to wend,
How can we reach more of them?
In this modern, digital age,
Introductions need to be made,
If an issue, is, indeed,
Youth disaffection,
Is Jesus the answer to this question?

In the darkness, extravaganza,
Flashing, blazing dramas,
Sky rockets and sparklers,
So spectacular,
Fireworks in my brain,
Illumination
Catherine wheels,
Is this for real?
The pyrotechnics,
Was it all a squib?
Crescendo
To diminuendo ....

I float down from clouds above
Another little death of love!

People say forever is the only kind of perfection
But some say, "No, it's only a deception."
But I do not need forever if there is right now,
I long have accepted that you will leave me somehow.
Every hour is precious, every moment is gold.
You are one of the memories I will always hold.
I long have expected this soon-to-be heartbreak,
So I broke a little bit of mine every time, to ease the pain.
I thank you for the good times, it has been fun and great.
And the next we see each other is a matter of fate.
I will always be wondering what-could-have-beens
And I will always be pondering what-would-it-seems
I don't need forever where I can't have you
So I will settle for an hour where I can hold you
But alas this has come to an end,
So I guess I have to bid you farewell, my friend.
You showed me how finite good days can be
But you gave me perfection in every second, indeed.

Here now
the pain of love’s bitter reality… surrounds me
But how
can they be better if love always leaves…
every time? (Lost in a fevered dream)
Every time.

But if we lie now, will we make it?
If it hurts, surely I can take it…
Is this really what we both need?

Is someone better who you’re dying to see
or is someone better who you’re trying to be?

Love, now
You’ve poisoned everything in my reprieve…
with insecurities
And now
You’ve returned with doubts, undoubtedly…
You’d love me (was it an opportunity?)
To hate me.

Is there someone better that you’re dying to meet
or are you waiting for someone better than me?
Will I be a better someone for setting you free
or am I someone better that I can’t see?

Someone better… (for the love that you need)
Someone better… (for the love that I seek)

Time and time again, you push me to the brink
To abandon ship and swim before we sink
But these thoughts don’t fade away when I sleep

Isn’t someone better who you’re supposed to be?

Because you were the one fall in love with me

The future is no surprise if you can predictably
say ‘someone better’ is someone I’m gonna meet?
Cause I’m sure as hell that someone better isn’t someone I need
If someone better is who you’re supposed to be.

Is someone better God has yet to create?
Because someone better always seems to escape
“Someone better” - an excuse to abandon and break
When you won’t accept your love’s been a mistake.

© 2015 Neal Emanuelson

I crave the short days.
trees with wide open arms.

Worry not for
The man who freely sheds tears
In the face of grief and loss.

Fear, instead,
The man who feigns
Bravery and deference
In the face of sorrow and sadness.

It is the second man,
Who will act without emotion.
He will hold inside
The turmoil and sadness
Until it boils over.

Like a ticking clock counting
Down the seconds to the end.
It will be he
That needs the support the most.

In the face of death
We need one another.