I've been told to write what I feel
But what I feel about you is everything I hate about myself
I used to remember your words with fondness reading them off like love letters as if this was a Jane Austin novel
And now my stomach churns at the thought of you ever speaking to me again
Your silence struck me far more than words ever could and I'm terrified by this thought
So I close my ears to the incoming noise and pick a god to pray to
Because unlike you it doesn't matter if they wake up and decide I'm not worth any more of their time
They're not real but you didn't feel real either
We connected over four hours of traffic and wavelengths
Throughout our lives we seemed destined to cross but never touch
Just two parallel lines running alongside one another
And one of us tried desperately to travel a different path
Leading them to where they ought not go
Yet fate is fragile
It doesn't bend to yearning and wishful thinking

Sir you see, somehow my insides,
They will never be enough for me.

i came too early that day. i remember that the room was still empty. you could even hear a footstep from the highest seat.

i didn't have anything to do so i sat on our supposed to be seat. it was not very high. we were on the middle seat. i was comfortable in that position anyway.

people came one by one, with their couple, their mother, their whole family. yet i was there all alone waiting for a man that promised to come before the show start.

you were right though. when the lights go out i could see you walking towards me holding a bucket of popcorn. at that point, i was 100% sure that the movie will not be as creepy as it should be (we watched horror movie back then, even though we both were chickens who couldn't watch no horror stuffs)  

the movie started, our selfes were half focused on the screen. the other is focused on our own mental. reminding it to not to go nuts when **** happens. we didn't talk much that time. we didn't even have the courage to eat the popcorn you bought.

sigh, this was the saddest part. you shouldn't have held my hand that tight. and i shouldn't have pulled your jacket so rough. wish we weren't watching horror movie so that wouldn't happened. i was indeed afraid of letting you go. but i did it anyway since i was a strong rebel, and end up regretting it now.

but anyway, thank you.

all that left now is emotion. painful feelings that cover my entire body every time i go to the theatre. it somehow attacks every inch of me, my senses are full of turbulances and trembeled affection.

hello again, and i'm sorry.
sorry for reminding you,
about how your hands,
felt like the world.

perhaps our love were only made for movie screen, and a piece of this pointless handwriting.

Sincerely,
your ex-almost lover.

I am a person of almost and kind of.
I am a shadow of what I was
Hidden in the darkness of a past
Cast down by the light of the future.
This present of in-betweens
The liminal space in which I exist.
The here and there on the journey ahead.
I am the line between the points
The mystery before the solution
I am the median, the average, the midway
I am incomplete.
Pieces of a whole
unable to form the big picture.
This limbo of emotions
The neutral of positive and negative
Inactive, inert, insufficient.
This heart filled with grey
Longing to see through rose colored lenses
Paint my world with emotion.
Trade the silence for music.
To fit in the missing pieces.
But almost doesn’t offer solutions
And kind of doesn’t capture the horizon.

if a time should come when I know your face no longer
remember us comfortably shirtless, talking and laughing in the car
Leave the resentment to the wind and
let's not speak of heartbreak any longer
just remember our hearts wide open
ready to love, vulnerable
beating together- racing to let go first
running from our emotions
as if time was limited
the world was ours and we let it fall through our fingers
I hope to see you again, comfortably shirtless, talking
But if I don't, tell them of our laughter and poetry
That it felt as if our souls were one
Smile, when they ask about me

It's funny how the past comes back just to haunt you
Wrapping its arms around you as if the two of you are best of pals
Just before sinking its sharp teeth into your flesh and bones
Causing you to scream ****** mary begging for it to all go away
But it never does it just goes deeper and deeper and deeper
Until you're on your hands and knees
Crying blood tears from your blackened eyes
As you look down into the reflecting pool wondering why me
Why me...
Struggling to reach out to the other where the grass seems greener
Not realizing it's just an allusion
But it doesn't matter now
Because you have already fallen victim to the demon seed