Seven Sins
Our body knows from within,
Was it... what was left of my lipstick stain?
From the lust and passion that burns in our soul's remain.
Or the constant thought of someone else, whose *** is that of the same,
My husband will **** you, 'cause you're the blame,
Being with a beautiful woman behind his back, and I
don't even know her name,
Why does it feel so good to be bad and have no shame?
Is it a test or just a friendly game?
I'm sorry to cause anyone pain.
I can't stop seeing this girl with no name.
Soon she captured all of my time,
Wasted days on lustful nights,
Without remorse or regret,
It seems my family at home I'd soon forget.
I started noticing her quiet sin,
When she invited others to join in,
I didn't want to do it, but she said it'll be okay it'll never happen again.
But it did, a different guy every time.
What am I doing, I'm losing my mind,
I look in the mirror, my eyes hollow and dark, my skin is pale and pink,
No wonder.. she was pouring powder from a capsule into my drink,
What is going on, I feel so clouded and can barely think

I felt encaptured in a mental place from where I couldn't escape,
I was willing, so they can't call it ****,
If I'm supposed to learn from this, then it's too late,
I need to lay down, this sickness I can't take,
Stumble to the bed where i just want to sleep,
Something's making me really weak,
My husband found me, banged on the door til it broke,
The place stunk of *****, and clouded smoke,
He brought his gun and yelled "what did you do to my wife"
Lay in his arms as he carried me with limp and lifeless legs,
With a cigarette in her hand, points to me and says...
"You should have read the rules before you played,
Now you're going to die with AIDS,"
My husband stopped, looked at her and said,
"No one's going to miss you when you're dead,"
Put his finger on the trigger and shot her in the head.

Now my kids live without a mom, and my husband without a wife,
Seven sins couldn't keep me alive'
I couldn't go back, not even if I tried,
Started with meaningless *** and stupid lies,
To lust and *** with multiple guys,
Unfaithful deceit, to
Abandonment and defeat,
from illusion of **** to drugs and drink.
Life is more important than we think,
Before thinking your husband doesn't give you enough love,
I hope you read The Seven Sins I just listed above...

-------

OK!
Giving up cigarettes on top of all this is a little too much
But
Don't quit smoking
The number one rule:
Never ever quit anything
Focus on what to do instead
Just don't smoke more than five cigarettes a day
And stuff your face and your mouth with ***** and snus or whatever **** you can find
But don't smoke
It will **** you
And a lot faster than you think
But it's still difficult
Especially if you got a constant death wish hanging around you
But I have faith
Occasionally
And I know by now
That I can **** myself
If worse comes to worse
But dying is easy
I know a lot of people who have died
And they have died
One hundred percent
And not all of them have been all that smart
You'd be surprised that they could eat with a knife and fork
But they died anyway
Nature knows this ****
You either die because you're sick
And trust me on this
AIDS does this to you
When you are so sick that you're dying
You're busy taking your next breath
And death is of no concern
Or getting well
Whichever way is the shortest
Or you get run over
Or something
And you're dead in eighteen seconds
Or you die because you're old
Not that living is all that bad
But you've been there
And you've done that
So it's not all that important anymore
But you perverts, who hardly survived your hamster dying when you were seven, want to know how to deal with the doctor saying you've got cancer
Terminal!

You already know what to do!
You smash everything in the kitchen
Then you go over to your neighbors
And smash everything in their kitchen
And then you cry for three days
And you probably find another kitchen
Repeat
Until you die
But you already know what to do
Life is a funny place
But it's not for weaklings

Let's play

I woke up to screams from a stolen razor.    Where is it?   It was a loud scream.          The end comes swiftly, anyway,
and, if there are no razors around, it comes even faster.                        
 
At the top of the mountain, the anger flows to the valley, and there is no scream.                                  
In the valley, we wait.                
There is a pull from a cigarette.                               
Small talk that is not small talk.                                        
A man wheezes   
A woman wonders where she'll go tomorrow                                          
it comes out as a laugh
                  and lightly in the background plays a song that can only be called the disease of the 80's.                                       
 
We didn't need another.                                     

But, thank you.

Breathe...
I walk into your room,
And turn away from the caution sign that greets me.
The room is cold and smells of disinfectant.
I creep up beside you so as not to have you wake.
I avoid the lines that provide you life.
How small and helpless you seem.
Just a fragment of your former self.
A stranger...

I hear someone enter the room and I turn my head towards them.
The judgement and embarrassment are evident on their face.
I feel pity from those who watch his torment.
Eye contact is avoided.
They recoil from his touch and reach for the gloves,
That place a barrier between them.
I turn back towards my father.
So many memories...
Both good and bad.
I focus on the memories filled with joy.
The ones I wish to remember you by.
I keep the pain buried deep below the surface of my heart.

The silence is unbearable.
I reach for your hand and you turn your head towards me.
Your smile is quiet and no longer reaches your eyes.
There is no need to speak.
I feel the anger bubbling up inside me.
At the thought of the pain you must endure.
So many others out there in the world
But you were chosen to bear the stigma.
How did he contract it?
Is he gay or an addict?
I tried to ignore their ignorance,
But I just want to hurt them,
And have them share our pain.

I remember the day they told us,
"Sir you have AIDS".
I froze and looked up at you.
You told me it would be okay.
A lie to protect me from what the future would bring.
The end is near.
I love you Dee with all my heart,
And I will share your memories.
I give you one last kiss before you close your eyes,
You will now be free of the pain in this world,
Let your soul finally find peace.
I say goodbye for the last time,
And watch your breath fade away.

Night after night she prowls along
Along the midnights streets
Her mayhem mind torturing her
Crouched along the highway
The lady awaits her fate
The crumpled rupees in her hand,
She stood up and ruffled her black dress
And got in to the darkness.
The meeting was done in seconds
Then the door was shut at her
It's positive they said
***** of mind and innocence lost!
"I have aids" she exclaimed,
And suddenly the world seemed to look down on her.
"It was a mistake " she screamed,
But it was too late, it can't be cured.
Painful memories clouded her mind
They called her bad
They called her mad
The truth haunted her destiny
As her body grew weak day by day
Her dignity was mocked toyed at,
It was abused, compromised, lowered and bad mouthed.
The she thought," i have the power today to reset my boundaries, restore my image, start fresh and rebuild what had happened to me"

Worm eats through to penetrate.
Trespasses, what ***** deeds?
What ichor is this to venerate?
How dare eat, how dare have needs?

Godly viral load unbeatable,
no t-cell left to count.
Wriggling in puddle inconceivable,
**** upon this crucified mount.

Lazarus, risen from the dead,
no dog now licks your wounds.
Lepers now banshees are instead
social workers which we swoon.

And the Roman laws and judges
continue blame, hand down sentence,
as degenerative generation smudges
out from existence, ***+ penance.

Dissected and pinned against wall,
this writhing experiment oozes.
Whilst priests and politicians naw,
compassion and AIDS funding loses.

I’m sure it has happened
To many other people before.
There comes a moment
A feeling one cannot ignore.
A want, a drive, an impulse
To have, to hold, to own
Something, someone or
A moment that is yours alone.

At a party, a face appeared
And our two eyes connected.
It seemed we were talking;
A dialogue was being erected.
A relationship of mere moments,
It seemed powerfully right.
And at just that one moment
Nothing could be more right.

We left the party immediately
And went to my place to see
If followers through with feeling
What just the right thing to be.
It was all a wonderful adventure.
I am sure we had no kind of fear.
It was an accident of timing,
One I would suffer for years.

Twice more and we were broken,
Never to be together again.
No thoughts about if ever
Not a question about when.
And after the last evening
I knew things had moved on.
When I looked into my wallet.
All of my money was gone.

All because of impatience
And not wanting to be alone
I let myself fall into a kind of
Rock and roll Twilight Zone.
Why didn’t I ask more questions?
Because in that single moment
I wanted a fantasy romance.
Nothing was more important.

It was months later I discovered
In a routine visit to my doctor
That I had contracted a disease
That would ruin my life forever.
They didn’t know what to call it
In those days before the name.
Those were the days before AIDS
And it’s horrific kind of sick fame.

And they had no way to treat it
So, most of us just quickly died.
We had no ability to resist it.
We had no resistance inside.
We lost all our friends and lovers
Because for one single moment
That one evening with a stranger,
Nothing was more important.

I fell into a frenzy of not caring,
Drugs and drink and debauchery.
I felt I had lost all hope in life
And lost all my chance at dignity.
Of course that made me sicker
My resistance went down further.
I no longer wanted to live like that
I was sick of my life altogether.

I am writing this to you, today
So you can share it with others.
Tell people that getting laid
Is not the same as a lover.
Point to me and advise them
We may have just one moment
For valuing ourselves as a person
Nothing must be more important.


(This is dedicated to many of my friends over the decades that suffered from *** and AIDS related issues.)

*****, *****, *****.

You can feel their skin on yours and you can't escape.
You're so scared,
But this is what you did, and now it's your fate.

You gave it all away when you were young and naive,
Not thinking of how things could possibly be.

Now what about her?
The one you love,
The one you would die for.
She's saving herself for you,
And you can't do that,
Because you gave it all away years ago.

You cry now,
So ashamed of who you've become,
What does anything matter if you're ruining everything you love?

You didn't know things would turn out this way.
You gave everything away,
Not knowing you'd be here today.

Clutching the grass,
And tearing out your throat with your screams.
You gave it all away,
And it didn't mean a thing.

But try to explain that to her,
You didn't mean it,
And it wasn't even real.

But you did it,
And that's all we need to know
You did it,
And now they have to go.

You're alone,
And no one can hear you scream,
"IM SORRY FOR WHAT I DID,
I DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS"

But you're tainted,
And you're no longer pure,
You have to live with what you did,
And there is no cure.

No cure to turn you back,
And no cure to make her stay.
What you did is unforgiving,
And you live with it today.

Save yourself for someone that's worth dying for, don't give it away.