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Exaggerating just to feel something.
Anything, anything -
everything.

I don't want to be just another crack in your ceiling - another unresolved feeling.
Let's just stay a little bit longer -

The smoke. The water. The light.
I'm slipping through every little bit of you.

Can I be your everything, everything,
anything?



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.　　. 　 ˚　.　. 　 ˚　.　　 . ✦

3:00 a.m.
the clock stuck,
my eyes wide,
body numb.

Here, at 3:00 a.m.,
the world holds
its breath,
and so do I.

Your presence alured me
Your answer assured me
Yet I lay alone in regret
This feeling consumes me
Your signals confuse me
Why love me, then one day forget I exist?

Opening your Dms, haven't seen you since
Hanging out with Peter while I wash away my sins
Tell me where you've been
Messages left on seen

Spoke to your own mother, neither does she know
Said he's "just your bro"
Although we never went to ferris wheels
You never asked how that would make me feel

And yet, when we talk, it's your eyes
And your voice that sends me to the skies
So answer me why, can't you reply to this guy?

That guy referring to me, don't you see?
When I confessed to you, my conquest turned into a goal
And your soul, intertwined with mine
And interventions so divine

And although, i don't know what your doing
Im assured your just, taking your time to reply
Tell me then, oh why? Oh why?
Why do I send the 3rd follow up question
To no avail, I lose motivation

Those kisses on my cheeks leave me lonely in my sheets
As I cry to see your feats, while i lay here in defeat

And yet once in a while you reasure me
As I choose to endure
This same love used to cure me
Now it leaves me in the dust

"Just,reply whenever" i throw the phone to the floor
Can't take this anymore
My mother knocking on the door
I hold back the tears as I fear her ears hear
"Im busy" wrenching as im drenching my eyes
I despise you, want to cut ties with you
But the dreams I have tell me that there's hope if I keep this broken point of view

Do you hate me? Why date me? Then ignore me like the plague?
Am I such a burden than you refuse us having an exchange?
I regret to inform you, your next reply changes nothing
This isn't immaturity, this isn't me fussing

Im typing this all, deleting and retyping
Must be tiresome, reading an overhyped essay
I digress, I regret that I confessed
I can't take back when I said that you looked hot in that dress

So forgive me, but I've spiritually broken up
As you mentally have
Even ground
Without a sound
We go our separate ways

I often imagine that the moon, the owls and the darkness of the night might be my closest friends, they are my trusted companions through the few highs and the many lows. They comfort me when it's 3am and the rest of the world seems like they are sleeping soundly.

They’ve been witness to my tears and plees for this to all stop and comforted me when the four walls of this bedroom felt like a cage. The moon seems so distant yet its warmth kisses my cheek. Someday I might be able to force my body to ignore the protection of the darkness and live in the light of the sun. But I am manufactured to die slowly to the darkness and this body is like an incomplete metaphor for the disease that lives in my head without paying rent eating up all the light.

I’ll think of you, of our memories together

of your hands entwined in mine

of morning kisses and tight hugs

of the love you once told me forever.

This will be the last time I’ll ever ache for your loss.