I settled in
And I settled with it
I had logic when I drifted off
But an entirely different shadow casts its cruel light this morning
As I rise and realize
The Silence
The Unknown
The taste of limerent panic
Devours everything in its path
And in its wake
Like a flood
I had logic when I drifted off
Logic when we last spoke
Logic when we kissed with hope
And now
My mind is crawling
with the worst possibilities
Triggered
and riddled with evil trickery
My eyes are open too wide
Searching in this vicious darkness
For you
Like wind through the trees
I'm left breathless in the breeze
Unsettled and sleepless
Weak in the knees
It's always this way on nights like these

The light leaves my eyes
in the wake of silence
Yet, the noise in my ears
is deafening
The pounding of my heavy heart
Defiant
Covert punishment
Tired of being tested
of being tempted
of being bested
So tired
But sleep won't come tonight
Not without a fight
I'll watch the hours pass instead
with unfeeling eyes
from an empty bed
while my need for resolve is slowly swept beneath forced phrases
Empty gazes
Frozen faces
Like thousands of silent, crawling insects
My mind and my body are restless
This is the sound of
refusal to accept
the denial
and the disconnect

I cannot help but channel you when we are apart, as this Love has become my very energy
I bide my time and visualize the movements we make, the way our bodies embrace and entwine with such fluidity
I cannot imagine a break in our ever growing bonds, our sameness, our connection, our continuity
I see you now in moments captured, in tiny time capsules, held in precious hands like fragile shells of destiny
I long for every moment in which we plan and build and give ourselves over to our bliss, our own Heaven
Our Eternity

There are ways in which the world
can turn things into distant memories
Broken hearts
Dreams torn apart
Worn out pages from weary stories
But our connection continues to deepen
even as the world outside tries to seep in
We don't just go through the paces
Instead we visit all new places
Bathed in this Love
in this light
even on the darkest, coldest night
I stay warm in your arms
In your embrace
and wait for the next moment
when my eyes will adore your face

The darkest eyes and darker hours
Kisses from your lips devoured
You grant me the glow from your crimson light
and name me your Goddess every night
I find myself dreaming and drowning in you
pillows still warm from your body and blankets scented by two
The feeling of your arms and sweet affection
In this room,
Surrounded by you in every direction
This unmade bed where we share our desires
Where our passion burns and our love aspires
Dimmed lights and candles because my lover remembers,
My hair across your pillow,
where my dreams are smoldering embers
This is no longer a foreign place
Your bed feels like home in a different space
Delicate breathing, ambient songs
Your bed is a haven where I feel I belong

My Love lies restless
Fevered in his bed
His essence removed
Replaced with illness instead
As I rested beside him
So reluctant to part
The warmth of his face
Stilled my beating heart
Such longing and devotion
His words caress my mind
I'll wish upon the stars tonight
That he will wake
and feel just fine

Conscious and unconscious
Dreamily disjointed
Bedtime storytelling
Insomnia takes me
for another walk in the park
Sleepless ramblings in the dark
Lonely for company
She collects me
My slumber-starved mind summons
He wakes and I wait
Feeling him close, as he lives within
Sensing his presence
I can almost see the glow
of his bedroom light
Something stirring in the distant night
My heart beats faster
as my Lover writes

Your desire is fierce
Fiery
Pulling at clothes and messy hair
Honey mouths and writhing tongues
Exposing my private, smoldering need
Impatient lips to spread and feed

Your desire is languid
Romantic
Gentle eyes and admiration
Warm caresses and butterfly lashes
Taking me slowly down with you
Tasting, inhaling and enjoying the view

Your desire is cruel
Unapologetic
Dominant and demanding
Force feeding flesh and flogging fists
Unrelenting commands for pleasure
Pure and raw, ******* without measure

This love I feel for you
Designed by what we do
How deeply we believe
The way we give and receive
Speaking in romantic phrases
Passionate tongues in intimate places
Touched by things from memories past
Knowing we were made to last
And as we devour another year
All I can think of is
"I wish you were here."

Your absence leaves me vulnerable
Missing you until the ache becomes palpable
My heart and my mind feel left behind
Because my need for you is a constant struggle
Distance is something we've changed
As our lives have become rearranged
When you're so very close
My heart sighs in repose
But when you're away it all feels so strange