birthday, birthday
22 years spent in orbit
looking for the treasure in golden moments
hoping i am deserving as destiny’s unfolding
tired of withholding, fasting from my motives

birthday, birthday
sunken thoughts from the optimistic ship
smiles can only get you so far, as far as this
recline into decline into the abyss
growing is the acceptance of this

Lovely flowers shall wither much too soon for you my darling! I can sing in only runes near your broken corpse sewn effigy and I will steal the energy from that place that I was meant to burn.
So please my love do not rest for me.
And i will sew a  t h o u s a n d dolls only to bring to me your last lilac smile,
Yet only you whisper those ever dreaded words.
“Ars longa, vita brevis”
So i can fake a dandy laugh
At least I can give you that.
Oh! The last of my fears lie stainless and dormant, with the tears that would stain your neck
Yet “ad astra aspera”
And no matter how much your body will crack your sage blue lips, forever you'll be with your coal black eyes until our lullabye turns to a cry.
So I shall wait with deprived rest.
Dripping heads,
Frozen fingers,
P u r p l e l i p s!!
All the singing monitors and drippings bags turn pale and silent next to what your hands had told me by nightfall, oh baby hold me before i sleep despite all the holes in my feet. With faces and fingers that drip with salt
With jarring moans that echo not but
L I V E!!
And oh if it could be that these four walls could speak. They would stay in such mournful silence for all the death that they've been borne to hold.
OH! So I weep for these four battered walls!!
And i can still hear your cursed breaths jumping through the halls
And every single inhale delves in fear of being last.
I wonder if darling witch breath will halt to an end.
And dancing darling to your deathbed, I ask that slowly witch you dread.
For what are to be letters you'll sing when at last you are to end.
Then you breathe my name! You hold my hand and oh!!how it feels until i look at you with melting zeal!
...to see I was your last.

For darling, now that you are dead.

Hi, I'm really lonely and kinda sad...again. and I really miss you... again. Wow, jeeze I sound so desperate for attention I wish I had attention. I wish I wasn't so lonely all the time. Did you leave me? Did you finally decide the best way to get rid of me was to ignore me all together?Did you finally get out of the pit and decided to walk away and leave me all alone with no way of coming out of the pit myself? I'm all alone now. Staring at the spot you used to sit shamelessly wishing you were there. We're you ever there tho? Did you ever love me? Or was it just another game? Is that why you left? Because I became boring? Were you lying every single time? It broke me you know, tore me to shreds, do you know what the worst part is? I have hope. False hope that I gave myself.
"Remember when we carved are name in the stars, it was special. I hope you feel that way too" cute, huh? It's probably for another girl, another game, another dream. I'm dramatic, I'm in love, without you, it kinda *****. I wish more than anything that you would call me right now. Or text. Or email. Or signal. Or write. Summon? But you won't. Because your gone. You left and I have to deal with it, you got over me and I sat there helping you leave It's so funny to me how you would always try so hard to get out of love, I would help you but you never noticed that I was still there I just stayed there and would not move I still don't want to get out of love with you because once im out it's only a matter of time before I fall in love with someone else and my heart gets broken again, I can handle a little bit of pain and lonelyness and heartache and everything that comes with it but I really can't handle more hope and more love and then losing it again just like that. Being hopeless is the best way to stay okay