So many memories.
So many stupid fights.
So many inside jokes.
So many crazy stupid nights.
Everything insane that I do,
always seems to happen
when I am with you.
I'll always be beside you till the very end.
wiping away your tears,
because I am your best friend.
I'll smile when you smile.
And feel the pain you do.
and if you cry a single tear,
I promise I'll cry too.

You know my face,
you see me in the hall.
Though you don't know my name,
you don't know me at all.
We meet at last,
you now know my name.
we talk about me, talk about my past
I think you should know, I'm not good at this game.
What do we do? text? call?
I know what's next
In love we will fall.

I know what you saw when you were seven,
You watched your parents get murdered and go to heaven.
I know what they said about you,
But you know that all of it wasn't true.
You were my best friend.
I loved you until the very end.
you were just 14, confused and all alone.
after I left, we just talked by phone.
After your parents died, you were made fun of, and full of scars.
They didn't know it would go that far.
If I didn't move, If I had stayed,
would you have handled it a different way?
Would you have taken your own life?
instead of yours I wish it was mine.
I remember all our secrets, holding hands
we had a future, we had so many plans.
But now you will be loved, and never forgotten
just because of the killer and those bullies so rotten.
Are you up there with your mom and dad?
I promise to never forget the strong life you had.
I wish I could see you, but you aren't in hell
so after I die we will have no story to tell.
I won't be at your service
"a funeral is for the living, not the dead."
a quote from your favorite movie you said.
Ill miss you, you are forever in my heart
and your suicide has torn me apart.

I put the pills in my mouth,
And lay on the couch.
I put the gun to my head,
So I become dead.
My legs are dangling my friend,
I've reached the end.
From the tree, the rope is hanging.
Where soon you'll find me strangling.
In my heart, there will be a knife.
For I am done with my life.
And if I chose to live one more day,
There will be a price I'll have to pay.
For I've always dreamed of dying,
And I'll never give up trying.
Every night I cry myself to sleep.
Hoping satin will have my soul to keep.

Daddy, why are you hitting me?
It really hurts now, can't you see?
you are putting me in pain,
these secrets I hold I can't contain.
I am only four
there goes another glass you pour.
put the bottle down,
get yourself together, stop acting like a clown.
I just wanted your love, but my heart has a different kind of beating.
The kind of beating that's physical and full of shame,
daddy I am done playing this game.
who's that girl, what happened to mommy?
as you are seducing that girl right here in front of me.
I see your done too...
you move away
to become "clean" so to say.
those new kids of yours, sure love their dad.
do they know about the past you have had?
you don't hit them like you hit me?
you don't drink or smoke like you did when I was three.
I just wanted your love and affection
but you give it to someone else, why make corrections?
Do you still remember me, rememeber us?
the wife and kids you left in the dust?
Daddy, why'd you have to leave me...
leave me with this secret I can't tell anybody.
Mommy doesn't suspect a thing,
I am keeping the secret like you told me.
but if anybody asks,  I shall tell.
about the time I lived in hell.

What if I told you, that I am not like the others?
What if I told you, I have no love for myself, and no love for another?
What if I told you about what I hide under my sleeves?
What if I told you I wanted to permanately leave?
What if I told you that my anxiety was going through the roof?
would you believe me, or would you ask for proof?
would you judge, would you care?
do you have your own secrets you would like to share?
Would you help me, would you cry
if one day I said goodbye?
are you listening?  
are you here?
Now that you know, I don't live in fear..