Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Oct 11 · 528
Funny things.
s y kalindara Oct 11
The funny thing is,
you never said them;
those three heavenly words that I'd been
hanging on to hear,
but I knew I felt
their eventual effect
in my limbs,
and I was convinced
that I hadn't imagined
your affection.

The funny thing is,
I never confessed either;
couldn't will my lips to part and tell you
that your eyes could eclipse the moon,
that I could get used to
the letters in your name and feeling nervous,
that I could (still would) love you on purpose.

The funny thing is,
back then my words got caught in my throat;
they don't anymore.



Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
We never actually said "I love you".
Sep 20 · 341
Closure.
s y kalindara Sep 20
Two years since I've been here,
and I'm still pacing, and asking
the serotinal skies why you left.

I'm not one for letting things (or people) go
until I've purged the questions from my soul,
and this is me trying my best.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I have no idea why things ended, I can only guess and overthink it, and try to move on without any closure.
Aug 22 · 245
Restless. {haiku}
s y kalindara Aug 22
My anxious shoulders
itch for sunlit adventures
outside this bedroom.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
When you're socially anxious and haven't left the house in two years and that somehow made your anxiety worse, so now you're just wishing for all this to be over while also hoping that you could maybe try to enjoy being outside for once.
s y kalindara Aug 20
I dream of summers
with wisteria on windows -
in bloomless deserts.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
My second attempt at a haiku. Still can't tell if I'm doing it right.
Aug 20 · 2.0k
Haiku at the beach.
s y kalindara Aug 20
When will our eyes meet?
I ask the horizon, as
waves welcome my feet.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I don't actually know if this qualifies as a haiku (there are way too many characteristics for classifying haikus) but I wanted to try writing something simple using the 5-7-5 syllables pattern, and this was my first attempt!
Jun 21 · 1.5k
I carry you with me.
s y kalindara Jun 21
You would think that printing all my recollections of you,
and shelving poems until my ink ran dry,
would erase your umbra from my mind.
But you, in all your symmetry, are still there,
reverberating within me like the echoes of my footsteps on your stairs.

I walk alone now, our two shadows becoming one,
and I still can't get used to that
nor can I slight the gaps between my fingers where yours belong.

I can't bring myself to re-watch the shows we viewed together
without that black leather couch and our legs intertwined,
my eyes forecast their mistiness, you're all they remember.

You're alive in my bones
when I listen to that song,
and I must confess
that your warmth is still pressed
within the stitches of my favourite peach dress,
and I sample pieces of you
when I'm savouring your breakfast food,
you're the tar in my lungs,
you're laced in B&H Gold,
You're the reason why I don't smoke anymore.

The ocean I put between us couldn't lead your ghost astray,
I thought you couldn't catch me in a land 3000 miles away,
yet you're noticeably there,
in the place you've never been,
against my very philosophy,
I carry you with me.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
J, always.
s y kalindara Jun 17
How do I go about shedding the shells
that earned me a pat on the head and a "good girl"?

I was the parent's dream,
a blue-ribbon giftee
of civility,
the picture of obedience,
​and oh so mature!
The 'quiet child' cachet was my only allure.

This caged bird didn't sing
of sentiments and other sinful things,
but spent decades nesting feelings.

When all alternatives felt illicit,
I reserved my torments for exclusive exhibitions,
where I held the only ticket.
Those showcased, glass displays are my poems now,
I've stuffed them with secrets I can't talk about,
but can write down.

Do the people who raised me deserve an applause?
I've got songs dancing in my head and they're the cause
of my closet of flaws.
Would I even have it in me if I was a happy child,
bold and wild?
They say art is for those who've lived in the rain;
Well, I've had my cup of it
and I guess, this is my exchange.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I think part 1 and 2 say it all, I've got nothing left to explain.
Jun 7 · 1.3k
Bleeding blue.
I confessed that I cried
while reading bright dead things,
and my mother smiled
because I'm the delicate kind,
and said that I loved poetry the way my grandfather did.

Shuttered eyes, slipping into the realisation
that it's funny how spirit skips a generation,
and all at once I'm bleeding blue,
recalling the pictures of you,
coated in tears that wet my lashes
like grass in morning dew.

I dress myself in pearls,
from what I've heard,
they were his favourite,
and walk to the Siren's sea,
in honour of a memory
that's not taken from me.

Because I still see him in my cousin's face and every gentle soul I meet.
I greet him with our mirrored mannerisms and the phrases I repeat.

I treat him with every plateful of pomegranates and sugarcanes.
I feel him every time this desert rains.

I hear him in his many namesakes,
hear his absence ringing in my mother's heartaches.

I'm near him when I pass his Phoenix palm in our garden,
towering tall, touching his ghost in the seventh heaven.

And when it's my time to drop the curtain,
and my poem fades into the mist,
I'll step into the afterlight,
and tell him all about it.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
To my grandfather, I wish I had known you for more than five years. I hope you're at peace.
Jun 4 · 2.9k
All at once.
I still can't say your name aloud,
I've got my tongue trapped in a cirrus cloud.
I still push on and play pretend,
to the planet's eye, you never happened.
But it's times like this,
where my mind swims,
and the ripples of mementos flow
then come casually crashing at my back door.
And though I keep it sealed,
you seep in,
flooding floors,
and all at once,
I'm sinking.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Thinking about the girl who did more than break my heart at 14.
May 17 · 1.4k
I sound the way I feel.
s y kalindara May 17
I sound the way I feel
silent, silenced.
I speak in soft sentences that end
in demure whispers
and masking mumbles,
with a voice that's paralleled to averting eyes, glancing at passing feet.

I bear a larynx that insufflates insecurities
and a mouth that hosts friction;
sealed lips, grinding teeth and a bitten tongue.
They're my signatures and I own each one.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
This is a two-parter. I'll be publishing the next bit soon. It went a bit off topic so I felt like it was better suited as a separate yet related poem.
Mar 16 · 6.5k
I miss you in waterfalls.
s y kalindara Mar 16
I miss you in tides,
high as the summer afternoon sun in the skies
we danced beneath.

I miss you in hues
of grey, green and blue;
akin to carbon copies of your eyes.

I miss you like cities miss the stars,
I'd switch this country's lights off for just a glimmer in the dark.

I miss you with my throat exposed,
heart pacing back and forth down your road,
itching for your call.

I miss you in reveries,
and silent dreams,
in distractions, and the mindful winds I breathe.

I miss you through all these whirlwind feelings.
I miss you when I'm numb to them all.
I'll miss you tomorrow like I did today.
I'll miss you in waterfalls.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Missing J.
Mar 1 · 783
Bad blood.
A fresh stage is set and I'm stamping this day
as the day I finally cleansed the clouds
and crossed your name.

You've taken a fall from your pedestal
and I see you now,
with your domino on the ground,
my fair-weather friend (that's a kind way to put it),
my boiling point can't cook up a better fit.
I've played your ruthless game for the longest stretch,
I let a ******* decade slip through my fingers;
and I've still lingered,
for the sake of something I can't recall anymore.
Your betrayals are the mindless hand to an hourglass
and I'm counting the sand you spilled.
No sea of apologies can wash away this wreck.
I'm done with pointing fingers and holding daggers to your neck.
I'll lay my shield and armour down, and walk you out.

A fresh stage is set and I'm stamping this day
as the day I let your hand and my grudges go
and asked your ghost to stay.


Copyright © 2021 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Finally letting go of a friendship gone sour.
Oct 2020 · 871
A muse of one's own.
s y kalindara Oct 2020
I laid my pen and line to rest for twenty seasons
as the frost settling in my mind and fingers, warmed up to dream
only to waken again by the grace of a lover,
a muse unlike any other,
a kaleidoscope of raining colours.

With the twinkling of your eyes,
the words fell out of my head,
parading on papers for the world to see
just as my veins welcomed the warmth of creativity.

You are the vision behind every verse I'm founding,
thirteen in counting,
a finer motive than fresh air and tranquil sleep
every fibre is clawing at me to keep you close
to never fade away like a withering rose.

Will my senses still serve me without your touch?
Will I ever write again if I let myself forget
the melody of your voice and your silhouette?
I'm not ready to find out just yet.

We have taken a vow, my pen and I
to keep you alive, for an age or two
or however long it might take to find
our glory in someone new.


Copyright © 2020 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Thinking about how I stopped writing for 5 years until I met J and he inspired me in ways I didn't think possible. I'm still writing because of him.
Oct 2020 · 1.5k
The heart's propaganda.
s y kalindara Oct 2020
My heart is an addict of fiction.

Awakening your pages with every drum,
it beats to remind me
that you're my very own
perennial paramour
and I'm so sick of its pounding propaganda.


Copyright © 2020 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Why does my heart keep insisting that you're the love of my life?
Aug 2020 · 1.5k
Stargazed.
s y kalindara Aug 2020
I can only spin
sirenic scripts
when I'm stargazing
about your lips.


Copyright © 2020 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Forever daydreaming about you, J.
Feb 2020 · 708
Take me back.
s y kalindara Feb 2020
Take me back to Abington Street,
the first place you ever saw me.
I'd care to meet you again,
in that peach dress,
on a Wednesday singing of serendipity.

Take me back to Whitworth Road,
my forgotten home, our modern haven,
where we danced around the garden and kitchen,
for the moon's eyes, under fairy lights.

Take me back to The White Elephant,
and feeling elegant in my blue dress.
Matching strides and laughter in the air,
you stopped to pick a scarlet rose
and pinned it to my hair.

Take me back to The Racecourse,
and spilling secrets in the dark,
fireworks interrupting this trance in the park.
Remember how I laughed and asked if this was real?
And you heartened me with a "yes, it's not a dream or a movie scene."

Take me back to Avenue Library,
to the kisses behind bookshelves
and the whispers of poetry.

Take me back to Canons Ashby Road,
when black cabs past midnight
carried me back to your home.
That little house with the picket fence,
snowing in albums and childhood innocence.

Take me back to The Wedgwood,
to drinking cokes and playing pool,
our eyes meeting in every room.

Take me back to that black leather couch,
where I memorised the shape of your mouth.

Take me back to the cradle of your arms and your broken bed,
I've never felt comfort anywhere else.

Take me back to Abington Street,
the last place you ever saw me.


Copyright © 2020 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Okay this is the last poem I'm writing about J ****. What can I say folks, I miss him.
s y kalindara Dec 2019
They rest in my stomach
rule the beats of my heart,
soaring under my skin
and through my shaking limbs.
Masked and waiting,
to shred me apart.

In public spaces,
the crowds and faces
spark their power over me.
I close my eyes and count to three.
Still, I can barely breathe.
Steadily swallowing my energy
till vertigo sweeps me off my feet.

Their fluttering wings,
my trembling knees,
both daring my eyes to betray me.
They demand a sacrifice.
I offer cups of fresh tears.
Only the best for
the vessels of my fears.

I can't be careful to the nth degree.
They'll catch on to shifts in my atmosphere.
I can't even pretend they aren't here.
The beats of the butterflies are always near.


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Rewrote my poem 'Anxiety'. Which version do you prefer?
Nov 2019 · 777
Sink or swim.
s y kalindara Nov 2019
I don't know where to lay it;
all this rain,
this flame that I had for him,
still kindling my heart to the brim.

I only know it's tipping my scales,
an anchoring trail,
and every compass I hold asks me to pick.

Will you swim or will you sink?


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Hold on to you and all the memories whether good or bad, or let go once and for all?
Nov 2019 · 526
Calling Emma.
s y kalindara Nov 2019
I cried a puddle that filled the seven seas
that night you told me of your plans to leave
this house,
this town,
this life,
and me.

Talk of how it took you a fine time,
how you needed this now more than ever.
You voiced it so gently, as you held me
still, your touch left me none the better.

Grieving you came in countless forms
heartache,
eating cake,
wide awake on the floor.
Drained and despaired, I picked up the phone.
"I need to see you, I can't do this on my own."

Stained face,
puffy eyes,
unwashed hair.
Crumbling tissues in my lap, leaning back in a chair.

Cool lights cast back in her kind eyes,
silent stretches fill my time,
till my yarn unravelled,
line by line.

Heavy heart leaking on the carpeted floor.
Her voice steadying my breath once more.
I feel ready to take over, to regain control.

And with a mind unstirred,
vision unblurred,
a cleared up nose,
my hour with Emma came to a close.


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I had to take a trip back to therapy after he moved away because it broke me. I was doing so well for almost a year, but I literally couldn't function due to how sad I was. I'm not ashamed that I needed to see someone, just surprised at how much influence this change had on me.
Jun 2019 · 3.3k
Candlelight questions.
s y kalindara Jun 2019
The hazy hours, the break of dawn.
The candlelight kindling your living room.
The ardour of your fingertips, brushing my palm.
The question you asked me, hanging in doom.

"There's something I need to clarify, contest this but don't ask why.
Could you list five things you like about yourself?
The light is green, give it a try."

The shadows of lashes painting my skin.
My downcast eyes saturate to the brim.
The blocks in my head, the lump in my throat,
Why haven't I an answer to this simple poll?

Stuffed with self-loathing?
Weighted with doubt?
Could that be the root of my soft-pedal mouth?
I made a bid,
I lifted a finger,
The answer never came, the longer I lingered.

"Your silence has met my expectations.
I can't ask you for your love if you can't give it to yourself.
I can't pick up the tesserae to put back on the shelf.
The mosaic is your own, here's the polish and a crown,
I'll stand by and watch, to fault my preconceptions.
I'll stand by and wait, in anticipation."


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
A typical "I can't love you if you don't love yourself" scenario.
Don't fall for it, it's *******. Everyone deserves to be loved.
Mar 2019 · 1.8k
Visions of a life.
s y kalindara Mar 2019
I see the stages of our days-
as markings in calendars and time stamps on calls,
signs of devotion, all in all.
I see them in reels of film
and picture frames,
playing on shut-eye screens,
and hanging, in the walls of my mind.
Visions of a life that passes me by.

The look in your eyes when you tell me "you're mine".
The sound of your laugh, how it melts like honey and warms me inside.
The taste of your lips, when you've had a lot to drink. Your saccharine smile, flushing china pink.
The feel of your hands, caressing the ivory. Dreaming up melodies so effortlessly.
The scent of your neck, of daisies that daze me, when you're all over me.

Enamoured with the way you walk, your hands in your pockets.
How you care for your dogs, and every living thing.
Your mind and the riddles it speaks, the genius of your thoughts sweep me off my feet.
And how you sleep so gracefully, how you reach out to me and wrap me in your arms unconsciously.

I beg my heart to capture this, to remember this,
I wouldn't want to forget it.
Like permanent tattoos and ancient wallpaper
I want you inked and plastered
in journals and poetry.
I do this just in case, for my heart's sake,
There's no doubt of you leaving my mind.
I can say it with candour,
There's no putting you away,
You, in all your symmetry, are here to stay.


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
About J (of course, could I be more in love?). In the words of wolf alice - "when I see you the whole world reduces to just that room" and that's exactly how I feel. I notice everything about him when I'm with him. I never want to sleep or blink or look away. I love being in his home and just watching him live, he makes it look so beautiful.
Feb 2019 · 5.3k
First kiss.
s y kalindara Feb 2019
I sit back, reminisce and daydream of our first kiss.
How it made my head spin,
and livened my heart,
took off with my breath
as we danced with the stars.
Swaying on tiptoes
in the grass to a song,
moving closer and closer
in your arms where I belong.
A smile escapes your lips,
you knew what to do,
entranced by the words
"You've got me wanting you"
You leaned down for a kiss,
to follow through.
For a sweet instant, the world fell to a hush
Stepping back, I couldn't help,
couldn't strive not to blush.

It's a moment that I keep
under heavy lock and key.
I dare not to share it,
I keep it just for me.
Count this an exception, I wrote it down this time.
Let the relic of our first kiss never die.


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Snapshot of my first kiss with J. We spent the whole day together after meeting for the first time and it happened when we were back in my garden, dancing to sugar sugar by the archies. Perfect ending to the perfect day **.
Feb 2019 · 2.3k
J.M.R.
s y kalindara Feb 2019
One look from you
dismantles my bones.


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
J. His eyes send me to my knees.
Feb 2019 · 2.6k
In dreams and reality.
s y kalindara Feb 2019
Time and again,
at dusk or dawn,
I beg my head to envisage
a mirage or an image
of your bones lying still in death.
That helps me sleep at night.
It calms my breath.

In my dreams, you're a phantom.
Torn away from me, inadvertently.
You didn't leave,
pick up and disappear deliberately.
You were poisoned, ill, choked, killed,
you froze or passed in sleep,
you maybe drowned at sea.
Not in despair, in a life so unfair.  

You did what you thought was best.
Perhaps it was, I still can't tell.
It's what you do when you're young,
seek a new start, a chance to become
something you can't run away from.

In my dreams, I'm your companion.
Your muse, friend and lover,
we ran away together.
Travelled and settled, hand in hand.
Built a life that could withstand
everything that drove you away forever.

In my dreams, you couldn't let go and we didn't have to end.
In reality, I find it easier to pretend you were dead.


Copyright © 2019 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
You'll live forever in my dreams.
My brain makes up stories to compartmentalise when I'm in pain, like imagining the love of my life dead when they broke my heart. Morbid yes, but it helped me start to heal.
Dec 2018 · 3.9k
I lost you in December.
s y kalindara Dec 2018
I left my heart in December,
in a strife that I surrendered.

I lost the wind from my sails.
Without your touch, my plight prevailed.

I lived in despair,
whenever you weren't there.

Against broken promises and disarray,
I remained loving you anyway.

Copyright © 2018 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I can't believe you're gone, J. I still love you. I always will.
Nov 2018 · 11.3k
The blue.
s y kalindara Nov 2018
Earth to Adam's ale.

As the ripples trace my skin,
the coiling cyclones of my crown
lull with my sinking breath.

The deepness of the blue
guarantees my sanctuary.

I swim and swim until I am free.

Copyright © 2018 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I've always had this almost supernatural connection to water. I adore it with all my heart. Whether it's the sea or a pool, I'm instantly at peace when I'm near it. The only time I can be truly happy is when I'm swimming. I live by the sea, my ancestors were pearl divers, water carriers, coast guards.. the list is endless. Even my name is derived from water. It just seems like a sign that it's where I belong.
Oct 2018 · 10.9k
Anxiety.
s y kalindara Oct 2018
It sits in my stomach,
rules the beats of my heart,
pouring under my skin,
and through my shaking limbs.
It grips me and waits
to tear me apart.

In public spaces,
the crowds and faces
spark its power over me.
I count to three
Still, I can barely breathe.
Engulfing my energy
until it's ready to leave.

It leaves me trembling,
as my eyes betray me.
Once more my fears
have brought me to tears.

Copyright © 2018 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
My social anxiety was so bad today, I don't know how I made it.
Oct 2018 · 13.6k
3000 miles.
s y kalindara Oct 2018
I've heard that distance makes the heart grow fonder;
but somehow it seems to me,
melancholy is the mislaid piece,
for the pangs in my chest
have only grown stronger.

Spread 3000 miles apart,
on separate time zones and continents,
your absence from my eyes
captivates my consciousness.

Replaying our memories
in an infinite loop,
my mind plays its tricks
to remind me of you.

As if I could forget
that spellbinding time we spent,
on the days and nights
right after we met.

Copyright © 2018 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Missing J.
Oct 2018 · 14.0k
Richard.
s y kalindara Oct 2018
I was 20 years old,
Walking down the road.
You stopped me in my tracks
To say hello.
I said it back because what's the harm?
From that moment on,
I was a victim to your charm.
You called me pretty
And reached out to hold me,
That alone should have sent me running.
You refused to let me leave,
Until you had a way of contacting me.
Gripping on to my sleeve,
I did what you asked of me.
I wasn't scared
When I should've been.
I was taught to think
That was romantic of him.
If I could turn back,
I would untell myself that.
Shed light on my naivety,
perhaps protect my virginity,
From a 35 year old man
With an abominable plan.
Yes I was of legal age
But here's the common sense,
It still gave you no right
To rob me of my innocence.
Convinced we were friends
And I would always be safe
I let my guard down
Oh god, what a mistake.
You kept wanting to meet late at night.
In your car, in a park,
Anywhere out of sight.
I always felt compelled
During those clandestine meetings of ours.
Never like my own self
In those early morning hours.
The first time you laid hands on me
Was when I called and needed company.
Vulnerable and upset,
I needed a friend.
A shoulder to cry on,
A possible distraction,
A devil-sent ravisher
Was not what I asked for.
I was not in control.
I kept coming back for more.
The night you finally ****** me
Is my reoccurring nightmare.
A force and ****** feature,
The end of an affair.
I can't leave it in the past.
You left me aghast.
I want to tear off my skin
And rid myself of your sin.
It's been a couple of months,
Still I can't bear to be clutched,
Until now, I've kept my mouth shut
About the night I was touched.

Copyright © 2018 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I'm trying to heal.
Sep 2018 · 8.7k
Serendipity.
s y kalindara Sep 2018
Now I know how it feels: serendipity;
I sensed it on that 26th of June.
At first glance ecstasy,
by the drapery,
where I first met you.

Rosy cheeks and warm summer air,
Walking side by side,
beneath the daylight's glare.
Pulsing hearts and feeling shy,
passing smiles with our eyes.

Armours fall as stories unfold,
I linger on every word you say.
Laughing with you as time ticks by,
All I want is to ask you to stay.

Cigarettes at sunset,
the music blaring high,
dancing in starlight,
bewitched by your eyes.
You lean in to kiss me,
it's surreal as a daydream,
sweet, and laced with mint and nicotine.

It seems like fate was at play here.
We were meant to be, dear.
Easy marks of Cupid's arrow,
left a feeling I can't outgrow.
Can it be too good to be true?
Take my hand,
let's see it through and through.

Serendipity was a sign,
You're worth the try.
I'll love you, until I die.

Copyright © 2018 by S. Y. Kalindara.
All rights reserved.
To J.
Sep 2018 · 59.6k
Poseidon's realm.
s y kalindara Sep 2018
Half a decade in
that was all I needed,
all the time it took to see
the world was an insult to me.

Was I cursed at birth
to live on the brink of death?
Trapped in this trance until
Poseidon's realm pulls me to its depths?

My pursuits to meet him have gone astray.
Countless trials that end one way:
under bright lights,
in a hospital gown,
tubes, tests, nurses pinning me down,
and a hundred voices asking me why
Why oh why did I want to die?
Well I was muting the agony,
executing my destiny,
see daylight please, it's meant to be.
You can't stop me.

And Plath said it best
I do it well,
my scars could attest.

Perhaps I'm not as strong
as my mother once thought,
by her god's design I was built-in wrong.
My own echo whispers
“You never did belong”
Neither here nor there, or anywhere.

I fear I am nature's mistake.
For the hands of fate, I must partake
in this sacrifice
to begin my demise.
This shouldn't come as a surprise.

I was only five.
I thought I could survive.

Copyright © 2018 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
It's been a while. Some of my thoughts haven't changed.
Mar 2014 · 20.9k
Fifteen months.
s y kalindara Mar 2014
You left me stranded
in bleak oblivion,
Despite all the love
I planted in your core,
In faith for daffodils to bloom through your barren soul.

Your wielded words had crippled me time and time again
Paralysing my senses,
Until my sanity began to decay.

But now I've bled you out of my veins
And unto my paper for the last era,
Inking your name away
Untangling myself out of these chains.

The moment has come for me to let you go
After fifteen months, you’d think I already did so.

Copyright © 2014 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I'm finally letting you go after fifteen months of agony. I won't be writing about you any more.
Mar 2014 · 2.8k
Reverie.
s y kalindara Mar 2014
Don’t come crawling back

with the myth that it’s us you miss.

Don’t give me reverie

if there’s nothing to this.

Copyright © 2014 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Don't let manipulative people back into your life.
Mar 2014 · 5.1k
Acrostic.
s y kalindara Mar 2014
Scattered are the sentiments that float
About the galaxies growing within me.
Lurking in my veins, cascading down my spine,
Sending shivers to every fraction of my body.
An abundance of the heart never troubled me before, except now it is
Bruising, scratching and numbing my core.
Eventually I'll grow weary.
Eventually I'll quit. For how
Little can I do to possibly cease it?

Copyright © 2014 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Acrostic of my real name.
Mar 2014 · 3.5k
Solitary.
s y kalindara Mar 2014
When the night sets in,
when there's no more light to wish the darkness away,
here's when my thoughts come rushing,
intruding my peace of mind.
They, are coming to haunt me.

The voices all around me
utter continual sets of sounds.
Sounds that leave me open wounded,
sounds that bring me down.

Weakened, they leave me,
these words that crack my heart.
I'm trying to break loose but these times are just so hard.
I don't want to be left alone,
lost and scarred.

Whether I survive or not will forever remain a mystery.
I'm dying to know,
is there no end to this misery?

Copyright © 2013 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Depression. (This was actually the first poem I wrote since I started writing again. Not my best but I'm still proud of it.)
Mar 2014 · 26.9k
Isis.
s y kalindara Mar 2014
Many people have asked
why I seem so empty
and I found myself arguing
about how that wasn't true.
Yet here I am,
reminiscing painted blue skies,
nostalgic, for back then
for us,
for you.

When mornings began with casual long walks
plaid skirts,
black coffee,
the daylight's warmth.
Arm in arm, against all odds
we had laughed
we had sung
we were wild, we were young.

I'll remain yearning for those Bambi brown eyes,
long chestnut hair,
darling little dents of delight.

Distant yet close
for I think of you always.

Wishing for time to fly
to when I can hold you in my arms
again.

Copyright © 2014 by S. Y. Kalindara.
All rights reserved.
To my best friend. I wish you were here.
Mar 2014 · 7.5k
21 June - 22 July.
s y kalindara Mar 2014
Just when I thought I had it all
perfectly encased,
clutter free,
the loose string of my life came undone
leaving a dome of rubble at my feet.
Nevermore saw it coming,
nevertheless expected it.
Never asking why,
I accepted it.

I won't yield in self-pity
nor wither in pain.
Dusting the ashes,
getting back in the game.
I won't let your fire catch me.
I won't be burned alive.

I am a warrior
and I will survive.

Copyright © 2014 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
Dear cancer, I won't let you **** me.
Mar 2014 · 5.4k
"I won't forget."
s y kalindara Mar 2014
Every now and then,
the memory of you consumes me
and I recall every phrase, every word, every syllable
you whispered to me
in the depths of all the agony.

With tears in my eyes,
you said you won't forget me; the true love of your life.
The one you spent hours talking to,
The one who never left your mind.

I think back to the time you said all this
and how I believed it was all true.
Has it never occurred to you that I still remember
that night you said "I promise you"?

Copyright © 2013 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I remember every word he said to me. I'll never forget.
Mar 2014 · 19.7k
4 AM.
s y kalindara Mar 2014
Tossing and turning
in this lonely bed of mine,
my heart is heavy
with the burden of missing you.

I crave your delicate words
like I crave coffee in the morning.

My soul feels vacant
without your lingering presence.

Time is ticking my life away
as my thoughts echo your name.

My eyes bleed out the bitterness
I've latterly felt towards you.

I'm still writing about you
and you haven't read a word.

Copyright © 2013 by S. Y. Kalindara. All rights reserved.
I couldn't sleep because I missed F so much.

— The End —