And in the death of dreams who are we? Where do we run when our minds are empty or broken? What keeps your skull form the blissful thoughts of slamming into brick walls?
When the algebra of reality is expressed real unto you, how do you retaliate and protect yourself?
Forever Questions sink into the cracks of  fortitude and erode .

The long hours of insomnia and the emptiness of the lost. The heavy pain of ever moving. The mind that cannot hold time . The ever tired and half hopeless .

Contentment in the web of our perceived reality.
But the irritant of a false perfection will Drive us mad in the end.

I'm made of magic
It's ******* tragic
You can't affect me.

Life's ******* crazy
It's truly amazing
You still wanna doubt me

Rainbows and kittens
I'm ******* smitten
With making it all a muck

Spray your malice
I have miss Alice
And I don't give a ****

My little foxy
Oh all that you have taught me
Forever longing.

I left you my heart.  
Imma fill that ******* void.
With bad decisions.

Watch it in the insecurity of how she talks to me.  Those eyes big and nervous looking up, hoping you're not gonna bite.  In how she smiles too big,  talks too loud,  over compensating.  The puppy that wants your friendship,  yet smells your distaste and still they wag their tail..  ? Looking up to some ******* phantom their ****** ******* perception sees as 'something.  Anything that widens the pupil,  whatever minor chemical entices the imagination to believe in the power of a ******* mangled and destroyed fairy,  just pretending they have armor. .
.. I am heartless.  . '

**** me
Now
Love.

Why are we dancing?
I will swirl for you...
Forever.

I feel
The ash
In my soul

In the kisses
The touches
You leave me with.

Laughing

And if the bakery burns me down.
I would not frown .
I would not cry.
I might not die.
Phoenix flames.
And baker claims.
The ovens bite.
The kitchen fights.
But baker ***** I be
And the kitchen flow is me.

My little fox
Who often trots
To hellish land
Where time is bland
I wish to steal
To worlds unreal.
**** above.
I'll be your dove .
Fly away
To other days.
Why be real??,,

When they encroach upon my silence with empty , directional eyes. Black circles signifiying our similarities..
How can you dismiss the death of dreams...

Reality is unkind to us.
We just pretend life is legit.

You are the light house
I am the sea
When I drift away from you
You shine your light for me.

I sit back in the galaxy of my mind
I swirl the thoughts , to see what I find.
Pinks and blues
Exuberant hues
Displaced fears.
Backward mirrors.
Pastry quotes
Tied round my throat

Fractures deep
The occasional squeak
Of another me
Possible reality.
The ebb and sway
Of my fray

Here I find
I lose my time

They won't let me sleep
Too many ******* questions
I don't plan your life
Move your own **** chess pieces
I watched my calm slip away

They want you to talk.
Like your silence hurts them.
Not as if they wanna hear what you're thinking.

My heart is too big.
I never would have suspected. It has always been frozen.
Maybe I feel so empty because it is so large.  Maybe I'm so dead because so many of you are still in it,  blocking blood flow.  
I never saw this being a problem.

I'm at that point where I'm lost in the chemicals.
The tabs to different pages in my head are transparent,  you always show through.
  I feel the weight of it in my lungs.
  It's burn like straight shots in my stomach.  There is no chaser for the taste of you,  and my lips still tingle.
With teeth clenched I avoid melting while you are not here to dissolve into. Although I'm starting to believe that's all I really want to do anymore.
I'm not sure how you managed to burrow so quickly, quietly,  deeply into my head.  I'm not even sure I mind..

I am fire
A pyre
Watch my flames grow higher
As you ignite me / excite me
Wonder if I could be
Alive like lightning
The idea is frightening
I'd bust open this skin
And **** the stars right in
Glow bright then flash
Burned down to ash

How do you
See right through
My masquerade mask
I've been dying to ask..

Sneaks up all quiet
Ambush then riot
Dizzy spin
Fire within
***** and tears
Unanswered fears
Laugh or cry
Try to defy
Numbed to the core
I can't feel anymore

Your timing is immaculate, I must say
Especially the fact, that you won't stay
When you're around i'm manic
Say too much and panic
Drink and smoke away
But in my mind you stay

Thats not me
And I can't be
A zombie sheep
That does not peep

Old wounds bleed deeply
Purple blue bruises within
The decaying soul
Impulses and emptiness
How long can i live this way

The catastrophe
Of the atrophy
In this cavity
Of my skull
Is despair
And unfair
I must repair
This hearts hull

Custard brained
I cant contain
The poison on my soul
Cant you see
I'm not me
Empty, numb, and unwhole

It likes to break in
Exude it's sin
Parasitic thoughts
And back up plots
I try to be good
Do what i should
But its dancing around me
**** its not easy
Impulses' a *****
******* crazy little twitch
Lock it away
Say i wont play
Darkened and cold
No one to be told
Of this icy cage
Lit up by rage
Electrified
Wish i could hide
But there's no escape i see
When the monster is me

Pastry land
Is so grand
But do beware
Of this world so fair
Its fée illusion
That spins delusion
We pirate cats
Wear jester hats
As we twirl and dance
Our kitchen prance
Throw a soul onto the pyre
Watch the heat make bread rise higher
Hopes and dreams
Whisked with smothered screams
Baked hot and through
In the shell of you

Hide behind full cases
In cute little places
All cookies and cake
And the smiles we fake.

I guess we grew up
Maybe 'up ' became apart
but here between shifts
We're still smoking at my house
How much *** can you handle?

I wanna set the world on fire
instead I puff to get higher
shift,  flip,  switch,  bam
I don't even give a ****
enraged
im caged
hello chemical monster, where'd you come from
5 seconds ago I was totally numb
slam my brain into the wall.
Im just waiting for the downfall
irrational
theatrical
I wanna bleed myself dry
or bust open and ******* cry
its like im against myself today
don't even have the words to say
what the **** are you doing to me
I just want to be free
they spazz cause my smiles gone
ask me what in life is wrong
I don't know. I don't care
I just feel . life's not fair

Over and over results the same
Burning alive in my own flame
Running away from me
Don't know how to be
Or feel
Or whats real

It's like a smile in the sunshine
Part of the day everythings fine
Explode with joy
Then destroyed
Sad and crying
Feel like dying

Now merge the two
and what do you do?
With that imploded heart
******* ripped apart
No balance no ground
In chemicals I drown
How do you smile with a frown
Emotions go round and round

Wanna say my score cards full of gold stars
but inside I'm still just healing scars
My brain is leaking this terrible oozy sadness
I used to believe this was just all ******* madness
Now I know its me
Just not the me you see
Magic pastry chef run the bakery!
What's that ETA for desserts on table 3?
I smile and spin
But deep within
My minds on fire
I wanna be higher
or imma scream or maybe cry
part of me wants to die

But bake this proof that
Time to make people fat

Occasionally I still feel it pull me
Slowly down into that swirling sea
Despite how far I've come
Part of me's eternally numb
Have to ask myself why I'm mad
Tell myself I'm not really sad
Always question the emotion I feel
Found out long ago they're not always real
They come and go without reason
Little bits of self treason
Never notice until its there
That swirling pit of despair
Its like weeks go by normally
Then its all ****** up suddenly
I've learned to handle I've learned to cope
Just take a shot or smoke some dope
I used to think it would go away
But I've learned its here to stay

When you wake up its there
Pop! out of nowhere
A sort of despair..

words rhyme
its time

This pain
Insaine
Depressed
Compressed
Wound till' snap
Can't take this crap
Shut off that brain
Pretend to be tame

No fun to be had
When you're  suddenly sad
This bipolar game
My life it does reign

I guess I cope
Just **** ****
And choke choke
Back the tears
And hidden fears
***** and ****
Are all I need

But its always there waiting
For my resolve to start fading

I would destroy myself to save you
Do whatever I had to
If only I could help you
Just don't know what to do

I let you slip away from me
Hoped that you would be happy
I've watched you struggle for so long
Seen how she has done you wrong
Wish that you could only see
That you need to just be free

And I would destroy myself to save you
Do whatever I had to
If only I could help you
Just don't know what to do

Kitty katt I miss you much
Wish that you would keep in touch
Its hard for me to call you friend
When this silence has no end
Years have passed since I've seen you
Wonder what you've been up to
Starting to think that I should quit
Just give up and forget

But I would destroy myself to save you
Do whatever I had to
If only I could help you
Still don't know what to do

The Creator of
Edible love
Sent from above

Its the candy I love to make
Muffins,  truffles,  and cake
For the art is why I bake

Don't even try to lie
The sweets you can't defy
Espresso Brownies, pumpkin pie

With all certainty
I am so glad to be
A maker of pastry

I have a craving for you similar to liquor or cake
I wish to attack you the moment I wake
that ***** desire I just can't shake
oxytocin bond im afraid might break
so I swim In you until IV lost my breath
I consider drowning I consider death
for I've found oblivion in you
nothing else I'd rather do

I often think of you
who you are, and what you do
you're beautiful to me
don't care what others see

Like the snows in my brain
A specific sort of pain
The Christmas cheer
and Little reindeer
That bring you all joy
Well m they destroy
I'm frozen through
Don't know what to do
Cold is not my friend
There's no way to defend
It just ******* seeps in
Waiting for summer to come
So i don't have to be numb
Thawed by the sunshine
Then I'll be fine

Alcohol my bebe
Only thing to save me
When im acting crazy

Shot 1 shot 2 shot 3
This'll be the death of me

Not sure I care anymore
This world I seem to abhor

Just wanna break and scream and run
Think I gave up on having fun

but in this sstate
I no longer hate

Just content with me
And what I have to be

Drugged
Druggggedd
Drugg gg eedd
Intoxicated
Mind has faded
Little pills
Not for thrills
Sleepy time
I wish to find
Lost my mind
D r u g g e d
D  r  u  g  g  e  d d d
Dreams will come
Once im numb
Fast asleep
Not a peep

Locked in my head
Should be in bed
Melatonin kicking in
Dreamland will win

Always words in my brain
Starting to question how sane
or what it even means..

D R U G G E D
slugged
thoughts of mush
words just gush

Brain is melting down
Surrounded by no sound
Eyelids are losing
Bodys refusing

Sleepy time is here
Dream without fear
....

I sleep too much and lose the day
not really sure what to say
imma spiraling chic lost and broken
so many words I should have spoken
like when you're here
drowned in fear
you remember the times that used to be
and how you had thought that you were free
these feelings were done
on with the fun
now its askew
not sure what to do
I just think of you...

drink drink drink
think think think
**** it all
I wont fall
so empty these days
and the feeling stays
like dunked in ink
so continue to drink
fill that void
or be destroyed
not sure what to do
but I think of you..

Just keep trying to get you out of my head
Or at the very least drag you back into bed

I'm running out of words for you
Because everything you say and do
Is simply magic through and through

Just wanted you to know
You fill me up until I overflow
And I never want to let you go

I wish to see you
You saturate all my thoughts
Like a *** soaked cake
syrupy drops through my skull
Tell me to never let go

You reside behind my eyes
To say otherwise
Would be only lies

Just shoot me
**** reality
I dont want to be
This catastrophe
Anymore
I abhor
Where I'm at and what I do
Sad to say the words are true
But I don't know what I thought I knew
Just wish these games were through

That escapist part
deep in my heart
Is clawing up my inside
I've nowhere left to hide
Intoxicate
to alleviate
Over and over again
Yet I never seem to win
Stress seeped too deep In
Ripping up my skin
Drowning within ...

Sunsets on Sundays
Let's begin the night haze
Yes chef I want you
Think of what we can do
My escapist thrill
You give me chills
Pretty boy
I'll be your toy
Destroy me
Set me free
I just want to see
Those eyes mischievous so taunting
That smile so bright and haunting
I can't escape the thoughts of you
No matter what I try to do
So have your way
You make my day
With the games we play
There's no way I can win
So lets just begin.

Reality
The death of me
Don't know why you couldn't see
Its everything that makes me crazy
In my mind so dark and hazy

Overfill that void
Makes me ******* paranoid
Dark timesp
Build rhymes
Drink and smoke and **** it all away
I don't even know what to say
Black out shades over my eyes
Cute words and smiles are almost lies
Escapist bebe straight to heart
Form this land I wish to depart
But how can.you ever be free
When your minds as deep as the sea

Numb dazed
Unfazed
Brains crazed
Broke down
I found
Too many things, Too many things
This instability my life brings
Take a shot
Why not
Already broken
No words spoken
Silence and cleaning
I should be dreaming
Kitchens done
Was close to fun
But I don't feel
Can't be real
Its 1 in the morning tomorrow
So blank I don't feel sorrow
Just empty and dead
The cats should be fed
Or maybe I should go to bed
Just wanna clean it all
Tables, floors, walls
Scrub until I fall
Fast fast asleep
But I tire of counting sheep
and the hours I seem to Keep
should really go to sleep...

I think of you in words that rhyme
you're on my mind like all the time
these things I often wouldn't say
but apparently I feel this way

Its like you grow up and move away
To play that game you're supposed to play
But no ones there when you're feeling blue
Alone in your new town, no one to talk to
So you turn to these cute things
Sweet boys with pretend angel wings
Who twirl up your heart strings like loose thread
Twist until they snap,  bleed out, left for dead
Now you're back where you started, a little worse for ware
Lost and spinning,  better pick YourSelf up, life isn't fair
This adult badge is one stained by sorrow
Gotta prove to the world you can make it to tomorrow

I feel empty inside
Nowhere to run or hide
Wish for a self destruct key
Blown apart I'd be free
Behind my eyes I see my thoughts
Rabid incoherent plots
Slam my head into the wall
Just ******* break it all
Smash the bones rip the skin
Drain this blood im drowning in
Brains on fire
I grow tired
Of feelings without reason
Constant case of self treason
Trapped in the shell of me
Not where im supposed to be

I feel empty inside
Nowhere to run or hide

I just want to run
jump right into the sun
Burn myself free
From this reality