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sweet ridicule Aug 2015
so cold such purple toes I've never seen
smoke from your mouth but
I've seen other things and now
I see nothing at all not even your
bland brown eyes I only write
about beautiful people
turns out beauty lives temporarily in
crooked cursive letters
not half as long as I expected
abstaining from eye contact that dreadful 10
seconds
there are needles in my eyes
like the tips of silver icicles in winter dripping slowly down my spine
I love winter like gold
full on cleansing
running in the snow in a tank-top and snow boots and jeans
I believe there there is life hiding in me
sometimes I am ridiculously empty but

wasting time has never been my thing
hello
sweet ridicule Aug 2015
monochromatic is me
blowing in circles like cupcake sprinkles and iron clad feathers
my pores are leaking midnight drives (driving 52 in a 45) and salty salami like a
low-carb diet could heal the humans of eternal despair
I still feel ***** every bite of meat
I take this is too much of a (betrayal)
baby 16 dancing in the mirror like
the universe isn't slowly dying like the art of star gazing and my bitten fingernails aren't already
dead
hello
sweet ridicule Jul 2015
sugar sugar pour some water on me
it can be black or green I don't care just
please wash the sugar out of my hair
sugar is bitter
and sickening in
my hair in my nose and ears
my mom tells me to practice my 'violino'
--we lived in Brazil so Portuguese words are still natural at times--
and she smiles so it cripples me a little
I will practice as much as she likes
violino
sweet ridicule Jul 2015
hello you

you should be aware that I am a control freak (only of myself though) and I mistake coffee for water which is somewhat of a lie

I drink it fully aware that my heart will beat a little faster

I forgive myself at dramatic times I forgive others in a heartbeat I forgive my cat very slowly when he bites my nose

I don't like big dogs or Brussels sprouts or coconut curry or dirt on my feet if it's hot out or bright sunlight in my room or ice cubes from tap water or candy (unless it's gummy peach rings)

and if I start getting moody I probably just have a lot of words trapped in me so give me a pen and a paper and I'll spill myself and be okay again

maybe I'll spill some words about you

yours truly
patiently yours
sweet ridicule Jun 2015
I learned once again
the stars are infinite
humanity so minuscule
the dissolving of our race would not even
scratch the universe
with a hint of emptiness
I'd love to fill a satellite
with music and throw it into space
to carry my
restless being somewhere beyond
my dust covered desk -- frantic typing cleans very little
but space is too big
nothing for music to bounce off of
Respighi whispering through
the stars it made me cry
today
like I matter
XENIA
you can stop caking
black stuff on your eyelashes
breathe and forgive yourself
for the despicable humanity
in your veins
remember
music lives in them too
my desk is dusty
sweet ridicule Jun 2015
breathing down my neck
smelling like axe and testosterone
a mixture of callouses on my
baby doll hands
and the sun's reflections through dusty windows
on a winter day
I know that my actions are erroneous
stained with reluctance
the windows in my old church
scream at me for the reluctance

I stopped believing in god when I realized it spells dog backwards.  or was it when I was 13 and realized I would make 75 cents to every dollar.

my unfounded reasoning for running
substantiated only by my astrological sign which I reluctantly believe on days where I need a hiatus from the dirt in between my toes
SCORPIO

it plays hard to get

but astrology spells dog backwards too
I should've said yes to the axe smelling boy
live and learn
sweet ridicule Jun 2015
so much music and there are clouds outside coloring the sky grey (or is it gray no I'm not British) and the green trees contrast against it like black notes on a sheet of pale white music.

music is pale white and thick black but more color is drawn from it than from anything else on earth.  grey skies are like sheets of music and I find more color in them than in the sunshine.  clearly I am eager to please eager to learn but perfection is hard is humanly impossible and music is all about perfection.

SO MANY BE VERBS

my violin professor smells like green naked juice and something sweet and over-chewed mint gum while his short nailed fingers tiptoe accurately onto pitches I awkwardly slide into. my fingers are shuffling like an introvert dancing to the YMCA in public for the first time.  I am deeply humiliated by my incompetence.  sometimes I want to cry when his pitches mock mine but somehow I remain placid which is rare for me.

baile baile baile black dots and rain drops
crescendos and silver painted toes
sad eyes and arpeggio tries

someone said music is the most intricate concept in the world.  it connects the whole brain and captivates controls enthralls the movements of the body so frustrating I want to pull my hair out.  

extraordinary be extraordinary be EXTRAORDINARY they all scream into my bleeding ears and I crumble because carrying that responsibility is impossibly euphoric and tragic

proof proof I demand proof that I am alive
I'm not sure what this is
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