You love me like twitchy fingers love pulling the trigger,
Not at all, and then all at once;
You replaced arrows with bullets,
And instead of filling with love, my heart poured out blood

You love me like tear gas loves open eyes,
To wish me blind to the things you've done;
You didn't think, you never do think
Can your conscious be clear if you don't have one?

You loved me like metal loves a microwave,
To make it spark and set fire;
Carelessness is antonymous with admiration,
And you always did admire destruction

night falls like eyelids
on the brink of sleep—
I lay on ***** sheets,
no fault but my own

there are 432 tiles
in my shower stall
I count them everyday,
twice a day,
three times,
four if it’s real bad

after the fith time there
is no more counting,
or singing, or crying,
just being.

water falls off my body,
into the drain,
and i go with it.

My hands are broken from breaking the fall because you were never there to catch me.

I've rewritten this five times
because it's so hard to put into words
so wrong to put to paper
you always knew what i was thinking
and i'm sure you still do
i'm not religious but i believe in the sun
and the moon
and that the stars aligned
to bring us together
and who is to say that we shouldn't be?

you always had a way with words,
always knew when to quiver your voice or heighten your pitch to get me to fold in half
crooked seams
what horrid things you'd never say but didn't have to
cause that,
that was all in your face
your eyes
the way you'd never say my name
only ever in dark fields
or dim rooms,
always the next town over
and I always heard that secrets can't be kept
but you kept me in your pocket,
folded up to occupy the least amount of space
you so generously gave to me.

Fate climbs trees while everyone sleeps at night but you;
She slips through the branches towards the star dusted sky;
Not a hair out of place or a scratch on her skin,
a nocturnal creature made to the likeness of the moon—
There'll always be a yesterday, but you remind me of tomorrow.

and there I was, drinking your mouth like whiskey
I let your hands navigate the ocean that was my body
but you ended up lost in the wasteland of my emotions
I gave you everything, including the power to break my heart

You were like jumping in puddles on a rainy day,
not caring about the mess you left behind
But we're too old for those childish things now
I fear that if I jump, I'll drown
But that's not really a fear since I want to die
I hope this downpour never ends
and leaves me more puddles to sink in.

It was like living in the sandy bay The salty air that breezed across my face We ran and played and danced the night away My shoes were blue and dress made out of lace

The palms swayed in the wind leaves big and green As did our hips when you would dance with me You were my king and I your loving queen We kissed our lips and sank beneath the sea

We swam and swam beneath the ocean blue The water getting darker with each stroke I grabbed your hand so I would not lose you But soon enough our sole connection broke

It ended just as soon as it had started It ended with me crushed and broken hearted.

I'll never forget the day I told you I loved you and you didn't return the favour

It still haunts my dreams, yet I bet I never cross your mind

Just lay with me and blow away the world
You don't love me, only what my body can do
I cry whenever you tell me I'm pretty
Because I know it isn't true

The scars on my wrist have faded but the intent remains the same, in theory, not in practice. I bury my body in handfuls of dirt that was never good for growing, that would never sustain life.

You always ask if I'm okay but it's earth that crumbles past my lips instead of words so I shake my head and climb out of my grave as if it never even happened, and still you remain under my nails, in every bump and bend of my body.

I showered for three hours yesterday, my wrinkled fingers wiped steam from the mirror to reveal a dirt stained face that will never be clean of you.

you told me to run for the hills
but i chose a more permanent escape

and tonight i fell in love with the world
only after reaching my hand
inside my chest to find that
yes indeed!
my heart still beat,
and was never idle, not stuck
in one place like it most often is
to be living, rather than existing
is to be, for lack of a better term, happy