Susie 5d
I lay down in bed with you to expect
closeness and Cuddling and the sound
of your soft and soothing voice.

But instead I find a cosmic entity that shines
an aura so bright I can't look at it directly,
and if I do I'll get vaporized by the
Pure Energy radiating from it.

I touch it anyways
because it's so worth it.
Any death by you
is a death worth experiencing.
Susie Oct 6
Death does not wait for you
to get your shoes on
and be ready to leave.

He just says:

"It's time for us to depart now,
I have plenty of other stops I need to make before we head back home."
2 year anniversary of me almost dying. Glad to be here but I'm terrified too.
Susie Oct 6
I've been struggling to publish and write any poetry lately.
Because I feel it is never good enough for anyone.
I'm never good enough for anyone
Depression is killer.
Susie Oct 6
I arrive 20 minutes early.
I wait for an hour.

"So, here's the thing. I've done all I can, we have tried all of the medications we could for you. Because of your very unique case and all of your, limitations, this is extremely tricky to treat. We can send you to a more in depth specialist. There is a waitlist and it's a four hour drive."

I am nodding. I ask every question under the sun that could help me at all.
He says I cannot do anything else besides what I am aready doing.

It's okay it's okay it's okay.
Don't cry. Cry later. I love you. You're strong. You're okay. Don't cry, don't cry.

I schedule a checkup appointment for 6 months from now. I say goodbye and have a good day.
I'm so tired so having this body that was made wrong.
Susie Aug 7
The farther and farther I travel from home,
the more I realize I never had a home at all.

Just an empty house
that I pretend
to call my home.
Susie Aug 3
I feel alone in almost every single way possible.
I'm smoking a cigarette on a grassy hilltop.
I can't seem to quit these fuckers, no matter how hard I try.

The constant sound of the highway in the
distance rings through the air,
like a soft breeze on a Hot July Evening.

I am reminded of the time that I felt this same way at sixteen,
And seventeen,
And eighteen,
And nineteen.

A bitter taste forms in the back of my mouth.
Every heartbeat of my existence starts to pull me farther underground.
My chest hurts, because I realize I'm never going to be okay.
My chest aches today and I wish I could travel back in time to a place where I was more at peace with who I was and where I was in life. But I feel like if I went back I'd find out I wasn't happy then either.
Susie Jul 26
Whenever I look
into your eyes

I see all the ways
that my past lives
have died.

It's because of
you every time.
Feeling cheesy, having lots of feelings towards people good and bad
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