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Surkhab kaur Apr 1
I realised death comes with a fear of regrets...
A pressure to live that one life to the fullest is always there...
But what if I tell you...I will not die once...
I have died and will die many times...
There are funerals I have attended...I will attend...
And being my devoted lover...
I have fulfilled the rituals...
Either it was burning myself to ashes...
or burying myself in the coffin
I have always bid a happy goodbye...
But tears had fallen like rain...
The moment I found myself dead in the mid of love...
The love for myself which shone brighter than the sun...
I felt like a dead body...laying at the gas station...
It felt like I betrayed myself...
But to my surprise...even after turning to ashes
Or locking the dead safe in the coffin...
They couldn't contain the shadow...
My psyche changed over the years...
And may be will change in the coming years
Even today, when I walk under the moonlight...
during the dark times...with a whole new psyche...
The shadow is still the same...
the one I was born with...
Everytime a new soul, with an old shadow...
There is an immense truth a shadow holds.
Surkhab kaur Mar 15
I remember being surrounded by those kids...
who had that shine of future in their eyes...
The eyes which looked like leaves holding raindrops...
They had a vibe of progress...
Their words had some unrealistic terms...
I never understood...and may be I still do not...
I remember how hard I tried to fit in...
among those futuristic kids...
But how could I?
When my eyes always carried a flame of past in them...
The past I would never want to leave behind...
There is always something in that basket...
It holds for me...something new...
I never think about me growing old...
I think the world would end by then...
But this past...
feels like that lost treasure in sand...
The mysteries of life have been solved...
at the stations of past...
where answers have waited for me...
to pick them up...
I have a past...a precious past...
There is something I can never leave behind.
Surkhab kaur Mar 1
Please be kind to me...
I am learning...
learning to suffocate the voice of my feelings...
I am learning ******* them slowly and steadily...
I had dug the first grave last night...
And today morning...I put them in the coffin...
My eyes were empty...as tears laughed at me...
I was told," expectations hurt..."
But why does it feel like this everytime?
I am there...always there...
prepared with my shoulders...
the shoulders, whom I have been teaching
that they are here just for others...
The shoulders I am trying to make stronger
with each coming day...
I want them to be so firm...
that no matter how heavy the head is...
they don't break down...
Then, where did I go wrong?
May be it's my tounge...who is to be blamed...
The words laying on it...may be hurt them...
But why can't they...for once...
understand the intentions of my soul
A soul which not tired...living behind this bark skeleton
This is where it is...
How can I even expect this ?
May be...I am the one to blame...
So...Please be kind to me
Because I am still learning...
learning to make the grounds of heart fertile...
Because a forest holding secrets is supposed
to grow there in the future.
I know I am not enough...and I am not saying I always do everything...but this is my safe place.
Surkhab kaur Feb 1
It feels like a fire is set inside me...
The dead and dry leaves...
I collected last autumn...
Have been put on fire this winter...
A fire that burns higher and higher.
The sun is gone...and took the rainbows along with it...
It seems like a dark long night...inside...
The smoke has reached the throat...
making me choke on my own words...
My soul roams around...
finding her way back home...
The stars are nowhere to be seen...
And the moon can't fight the dark.
The fire which was meant to give warmth...
is burning my green forests...
The mouth which liberated rainbows...
is puking smoke this winter.
Everything is burning down to ashes...
And the winds cannot find the rain...
But the place has been hidden well...
with the high walls of bright smiles...
And the eyes have turned into oceans...
holding the tears so well...
The time will rule the fate...
Either the ashes will rise...
with the birth of a phoenix
Or the place will turn into a garden of remembrance
filled with fragrance of verses alike white lilies,
A poetry mourning  every grave.
Surkhab kaur Jan 10
I met a man like moonflower...
The air was filled with his vintage aroma
But the petals bloomed fresh....
I looked at him in an awe.
As I had a history of meeting sunflowers...
I told him with a smile...
I had never seen one like him before.
There were questions in my head for his town's soil
With some painful happiness in his eyes...
A satisfaction in his heart...
and a smile on his lips...
He said," We grew like wild vines...
My gardener forgot my location..."
Through his hazel eyes...I saw his seed soul...
standing all strong...
"How you turned out so well then?"
I asked him.
"I didn't have the sun, but the moon
never left me alone..."

The wind had begun to whisper...
As I saw his white petals bloom
under the moonlight.
Surkhab kaur Dec 2021
What is this between me and her?
Our moments hold love and hate
Why is she like this?
Fighting everyone, who hold flowers
on their tongues for me
They feel sad for her for being this way...
criticizing me for my ways
As they say, that I am no genius
And why can't she accept...
a life so normal for me?
I hold tears in my eyes
As her words hurt my soul...
But now, a part of me knows
those words coming from her...
hold a meaning lot deeper...
I see someone, there in her eyes...
Someone shouting behind those words...
"You are not normal...
There is a reason...I gave you this name..."
I have begin to understand the enormous love,
She holds behind those thorny words...
My past holds a thick account of good deeds...I guess
As out of all, the creator of stars gave her to me...
She, who has the courage to leave her own joys
to help the ones in sorrow...

Somedays, I don't like her ways...
But, at the end of the day...
She is the best part about me...
But, even at the end of my life...
She will be the best part of me.
Surkhab kaur Dec 2021
The ones you love the most...
will hurt you the most...
A stranger holds no power...
to even make you rethink...
But...now I am tired...
tired of waiting...for this winter
inside me to end...
I don't want to get hurt anymore...
I will make it till the end all alone...
But...this pain...I want this to leave...
Expectations hurt the most...
And I know myself...
A loser who daydreams...
spending days writing useless poems...
People like me...have no value in the real world...
So...I live in a world of my own...
I am tired of putting on playlists...
of all those songs...
to fill this vacuum...
But...I can't understand if it's inside me
or this place?
Something...in my throat...chokes me
I feel like puking...to get rid of it...
A pain underneath my heart...
A lot of my verses hold it's account...
They ask me to write something new...
But...this pain never ends...
I ask them with tears in my eyes...
"What should I do?"
I have no answers...to any question...
I am a useless being in this world of
brilliancy
Oh...I just realised...
I am lonely again.
It's not always about those happy times but the sad ones to be celebrated to.
Sometimes...my poems are not useless...I don't know why I said that. The moments I feel worthless hold equal importance as the one I stand strong.
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