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Sep 1 · 84
Flowers In Rain
Sanjali Sep 1
Stop running your cold fingers
Over the skin of my back.
These harsh embraces, I fear,
Won’t make up for the things I lack.

Your blue lips remind me
Of some flowers I saw in rain.
Recalling your glassy eyes
I wonder how I’ll ever ease this pain.

Maybe when I take a walk
I’ll hear the melody of your steps.
When I come across familiar lanes
I’ll know the love for me you kept.

The stones at my feet remind me
Of the stiffness of your arms,
Smothering me in the sweetest embrace.
When has love not brought us harm?

And yet I walk. I walk,
Till I reach your tender love.
Together again maybe we can watch
Some shooting stars above.
Aug 13 · 228
24
Sanjali Aug 13
24
No One Else

Even if I stand in midst of the world
The rain soaking up my being
Even if I dance and kick my feet
The puddles gently miming me
I’m sure no one would notice,
No one except the trees
Except the breeze and the tickling leaves
No one else would notice me.

Even if my face is covered in dew drops
The grass entwining with me
Even if butterflies think me a flower
And when my bones become kindling
I’m sure no one would think
No one except the earth,
Except the snow and the dry broken leaves,
No one else would think of me.
Jun 25 · 190
23
Sanjali Jun 25
23
-The  X  X  Sea-

The deep blue sea
Calls to me
But how do I travel back?
These muddy waters
Won’t make me clean.

The deep blue sea
Weeps.
I only see it with closed eyes,
It knows the end
It’ll meet.

The deep blue sea
Just wants to be free
Like you
Like me.
Jun 3 · 120
22
Sanjali Jun 3
22
-Gratitude Chain-
Once, I ignore it
I hope it’ll fade away.
Twice, I turn
Feels like a bitter taste.
Thrice, I walk.
I could never run anyway.

Keep calling my name.
Have no shame.
I walk like a prisoner
Bound in a gratitude chain.

Once, its cold
Freeze my blood, I pray.
Twice, a chill
I’m sure it’ll **** me any day.
Thrice, I walk.
Waiting for the day I’ll disobey.
Apr 15 · 427
21
Sanjali Apr 15
21
IN NEED

To be in need of comfort
Is not that good of a feeling.
Existence of a lamb abandoned
With no warm place for dreaming,
And as the sun sets
It’s all in the head,
Breaking a feverish slumber,
There never seems to be any rest.

To be in need of empathy
Feels worse than not feeling at all.
Black sheep of the crowd
Yet no one glances when you fall,
And as the sun sets
The world is in the head,
Sleep is an unknown action,
Picking yourself up is the only end.
Mar 6 · 181
20
Sanjali Mar 6
20
Believe, my little darling
In all your precious dreams
That are called silly
And make believe.

They’re the ones
That’ll keep you strong
And you need strength, little one,
To move on and on.

Who did ever say
That dreams are lies?
I’ll tell you true
This world isn’t right.

So my sweet little bird,
If you want to be free
Believe in your words
Believe in those dreams.
10.3.18
Mar 1 · 151
19
Sanjali Mar 1
19
Could I translate this feeling to something
Other than hitting my hands on the wall?
I think it’s getting tired of gaining dents
And I’m tired of gaining nothing at all.

So could I paint out this feeling to something
Other than suffocating on fog?
I think my brain is tired of overthinking
And I’m tired of thinking I could change this at all.
Feb 14 · 358
18
Sanjali Feb 14
18
-Surely Unsure-

Being unsure of where you are going,
But sure that this makes you better.
Being unsure of what you’re going to write,
But sure that a smile is worth your letter.
Being unsure of your own imperfect name,
But sure it sounds perfect on another’s lips.
Being unsure of your flying fuzzy hair,
But sure it glows golden on fingertips.
Being unsure of unexpected events,
But sure you’ll adore whatever else you see.
Being unsure of what love truly is,
But sure of knowing what it could be.
Oct 2018 · 1.4k
Little Monster
Sanjali Oct 2018
Little monster couldn’t walk quite right
Her legs ached and burned at times
The healer didn’t have a cure
And the ones at “home” said it’s nothing more

Than monster’s own creation because
She’s a wretched creature displaying loss,
Always a burden for the ones who care
And no more did they want to bear.

“Little monster, you filthy girl,
Leave the house and find some work.
You leech at our money, our love and care,
And then complain of pain everywhere.

You despicable monster, weak of mind,
what will you gain from studying time?
I wish you’d leave right now, but wait,
You’ll only ruin your family’s name.

We came together for your happiness,
You hateful thing, why do you make a mess?
“I’m in pain, I’m in pain” it’s nothing but a ploy
You little worm, with emotions you toy.

Leave, you *****, get off my mind,
You know no love, so how can you find
Pain in my words, you’re just a rock,
I wish you’d die, you ruinous block.”

Monster girl fled from those words
‘I’m alright’ she said till she was numb.
In this vast world she felt alone,
With trees she talked of finding more.

Her body ached as she fell to the ground
Watched the stars till it was cold around.
A piece of glass was what she could own
Without being a weight on other souls.

This jagged piece reflected the light
From the moon and thousand fireflies,
Little girl thought the world was so nice,
But alas, she was just a monster in night.

She heard from the house her father’s voice
As he talked about her as a screeching noise,
She rarely spoke and yet she was
The pain in the ears of the ones she loved.

I won’t cry anymore, she pledged,
Her room alone knew that she wept,
So often times she thought of hanging herself
But she wasn’t sure she could bear being out of breath.

And so it was she held a piece of glass,
Shimmering, it seemed like her freedom at last,
If only she was a human girl,
Pretty and lovable, she wouldn’t hurt.

Little monster girl smiled to herself
She wouldn’t cause pain to other selves,
The stars would remember that she had tried,
The sun would know she had no respite.

The glass glided over her soft dark skin,
Where only bruises marked her wrist thin,
Little drops of blood became more,
Little monster thought of happy lores.

“And they lived happily after” she mumbled quiet,
Her dark eyes closed to moonlight,
A firefly sat on her cold forehead
Thinking her to be a creature dead.

As the mist rose, she fell asleep,
The moon watched over her peaceful dreams.
As the moon’s lover rose
So did she,
To the worst nightmare that could ever be.
Sep 2018 · 7.0k
17
Sanjali Sep 2018
17
-Hello Love-

Perhaps it’s been a thousand years,
the rivers have shifted so,
the lakes I swam in, have gone dry
the waterfalls though, overflow.
And so it is, that I have wandered back
tugged furiously throughout days
by this rugged tinkling thread
back to this ancient maze.

Most surely it’s been several weeks
the leaves are rough to touch,
the grass withers where I step
but trees don’t ask for much.
And so it is, that I have rambled on
pulled strangely through the haze,
at last I fall under the rays of morn,
My love, I’m home again.
Lost and found
Aug 2018 · 1.8k
16
Sanjali Aug 2018
16
-Supposed To Survive-

I cannot understand
If I am weak or patient,
I cannot understand
What I should think.
Is it okay if I let life play
Or do I fight with all my will?

Wise people would say
'There’s a time for each way',
But how am I, the unwise,
Supposed to decide?
How am I, the fool,
Supposed to survive?
Sometimes my life seems to be wrapped around these lines.
Jul 2018 · 1.0k
15
Sanjali Jul 2018
15
-A Little Dead For Me-

I know your laughter

And your tears

Your frustrations

And your fears.

Too bad, you’re a little dead for me.

When you scream

I can’t control

Your own hands

From breaking your soul.

Yes, you’re a little dead for me.

I don’t want

To play God

But if you listen

To yourself on record

You’ll know why you’re a little dead for me.

Everyday

I’ll still pretend

I do not know

How this thing ends,

How you’re a little dead for me

And how I’m completely dead for you.
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
14
Sanjali Jul 2018
14
-Cat Shaped Bandages and Kisses-

Hello little darling,
How are you doing today?
Your hands seem to be trembling,
Your eyes hold what you can’t say.

Pretty little darling,
I’ll wait till you’re ready
Inside our blanket fort
With hot cocoa till you’re steady.
So tell me all your woes,
Your wishes and your dreams.
We can stay here forever
And stitch our love into these seams.

Sweet little darling,
Let’s light candles to make it bright,
You can be the sleeping princess,
I can be your loyal knight.
So when you feel it is okay
I can help you stay awake,
We’ll face dragons together,
Earn gold and run back to this place.

So my love, my little darling,
Let me heal your cuts tonight,
I have special cat shaped bandages
And kisses for every other slight.
(=O u O=)
mew
Jun 2018 · 294
Silly Poet II
Sanjali Jun 2018
Thinking in a corner
Silly Poet mumbles,
“What if the truth
Could simply be numbers?”

A voice persuades
“It’s not what you say.
Foolish Poet!
You’ll never find your way.”

“But if I could be three
And you could be ten
Could we not find
Where it all began?”

Silly Poet spoke
Then shied away
Afraid to argue
With one’s own shame.
Silly Poet needs some chocolate.
May 2018 · 1.1k
Silly Poet
Sanjali May 2018
“Silly Poet,
What do you write?
What are you thinking
On this deep dark night?”

I’m writing a song
For my sweet love
who broke my heart
and left it burnt.

I’m thinking about
A sky grey
With ashes falling
Instead of rain.

“Oh, Silly Poet,
Let it be.
You can’t fix yourself
With a rhyme or three.”

The silly Poet laughs
And continues living all the lives
That were created
Through the silly poet’s rhymes.
Never forget the battle
That was once your glory and light~
May 2018 · 1.6k
13
Sanjali May 2018
13
-Somehow-

“It will be okay.” you said.
“I doubt that, somehow.” I replied,
But I knew you wanted to help,
I understood how hard you tried.

“It’s falling apart.
Crumbling sights I can’t overlook.”
I said and looked in your eyes
You looked back and your heart shook.

I looked away and sighed
I realized it was no good
That you don’t see through my eyes
Even though try you would.

It was despair!
My eyes stung with tears.
But I couldn’t cry yet,
Not with your pure heart so near.

So I lied
Or maybe it was hope
I told you I’ll be fine
That you don’t need to worry anymore.

You smiled a little
I knew I had to try
There is still good in this world
For which I could stand up and fight.

“I’m still brokenhearted,
I’m still in despair,
But I have a little faith,
Enough to tell you that I care.”
It is hard for people to truly understand you, but it matters how hard they try.
Apr 2018 · 445
12
Sanjali Apr 2018
12
I’m on my way to find my soul,
With it I believe I will be whole.
Page after page I devoured some books.
Why, I wonder, do I get sour looks?
I only speak what's on my mind,
People say that it isn't kind.
But tell me just why I should lie,
What is there to fear when I'm about to die?
Pain and sorrow never do last
Neither do the actions in our past,
Happiness too flies away,
Is there something here to stay?
My existence is all I feel,
Then just why should I believe
In this world of changing lights?
Things come and go; Are they alive?
Soon, I hope the day will come
Where I will decide on what should become
Of this life that led me here
To this moment of utter fear.
I disappear or do I stay?
In this life tell me, I pray.
This was the first poem I published online, though the website now doesn't work anymore.
Mar 2018 · 1.1k
11
Sanjali Mar 2018
11
-Numbers 1 to 9-

I am happy to be here,
Where I can find numbers each morning.
Sun shining through my window,
I walk barefoot downstairs,
Even though my bones crack
I am quiet as a cat.

With warm coffee I can sit,
And as I nibble on the food
I fill out all the blanks.
My pen is black in color
Just like the ink on paper,
They both match each other.

I recall my resolutions
I made a list just days past,
But writing is so much fun.
I write numbers one to nine,
When they are correct I feel fine,
But some numbers I cannot find.

I have finished all my food,
So I go out to sit in the sunshine.
I cover up my face,
Place the paper on the grass,
I let the noise fade at last,
But I must consider every remark.

With criticism one can be better
But then why are these tears around?
I can’t find seven and eight.
I need those numbers,
I need to make them match,
I need to complete these lines.
Wrote this in January, hence the resolution part \o/
Mar 2018 · 251
10
Sanjali Mar 2018
10
-And They Lived-

You have ceased to be the thought of my mornings,
You no longer comfort my nights,
Somehow you stopped telling the story
And the pages weren’t visible to the light.

As I thought I reached closer to the book,
You hid it deeper away.

I don’t search for your letters anymore,
And I seem to like it this way.
Feb 2018 · 1.0k
9
Sanjali Feb 2018
9
This dark piece is not completely sweet
Melting on the tongue, I feel its make-believe.
How can it be bitter when I let it rest
And be like nectar when I cannot possess?
Dark Chocolate
Feb 2018 · 1.3k
8
Sanjali Feb 2018
8
-Undiagnosed-

Pray, don’t pity me,
For I do take blame
That I pity myself
And thus suffer this pain,
And please don’t mock
For there are greater ills
And more the deaths,
My suffering is nil.

Then perhaps
You’d maim my diet,
The lack of sun and
Poor exercise.
I need not even ask
How I’d improve my life,
When the bones sap my vigor
and seem to swell overnight.

And how could I ever try to say
That I see darkness when I go my way,
Pins and needles as I stand,
When the fault is mine anyway?

I shouldn’t even start to think
How my head throbs and pounds all night,
It’s surely because I don’t wake up with the sun.
But how do I wake when I don’t close my eyes?

Now, could it possibly be
You decided that I don’t rest,
That all this pain causes fatigue,
That sleep, you think, is for the best?
Consider when after hours and hours
My body finally dreams in defeat,
Would anyone care to do my work
If I shirk it off to get more sleep?

If the animals end up ill fed,
And the duties are not supervised,
With what peace do I lie in bed,
When it could be done better otherwise?
And so here I do write at six,
With my jaw stiff and eyes bright,
The wires of pain gently shift
Every time I move my hand to write.

What could I wake anyone for,
When painkillers don’t **** enough?
Just to say I cannot sleep?
I’d hear ‘wake up then, be tough’.
So do not again
Bid me to be strong,
Unless you tell the blind to see.
Well dear sir,
There’s no argument for that,
Except, please let me be.

What indeed could you try to cure
When I’m just deficiencies,
Of wit and courage, also strength,
Calcium may be imaginary.
But truly, I do agree,
With the opinion you selflessly endure.
For evidently
Nothing’s wrong with me,
And the pain one must learn to ignore.
Written October 2017
Feb 2018 · 697
7
Sanjali Feb 2018
7
-A Branch Above-

I fell down in a mad passion,
I wasn't shooting for the stars.
What I was, I forgot,
For I knew
To be free I had to pull apart.

My bittersweet love laid with the grass
And I on a branch above.
'What do we know of the world?'
I asked and asked,
When my love's last smile unfurled.

I fell down into another world,
I never wanted to reach the stars.
I finally let myself crumble in dirt,
Oh the joy!
I couldn't tell you if you asked.
Feb 2018 · 608
6
Sanjali Feb 2018
6
It’s not anxiety,
My heart’s beating pretty slow,
Yet my cheeks are on fire
And my ears won’t lessen the flow.
It’s all burning,
But I’m too tired to move.
Please burn me down if you want,
I won’t complain if it’s all gone
Too soon.
Jan 2018 · 1.5k
5
Sanjali Jan 2018
5
Just another sleepless night.
My jaw doesn’t fit the pillow quite right,
I’ll be back in bed though after a while,
And it’ll just be another sleepless night.
If this were a dream I’d be flying outside
Or lying under stars bathed in moonlight,
If this were a dream, I’d be alright;
Yet a dream it is, and a sleepless night.
It is not often that I lie awake at night, but when I do it doesn't seem all that surprising.
Jan 2018 · 1.4k
4
Sanjali Jan 2018
4
-Origin-

Sitting alone at the seashore
I await your return,
To see the flags on the horizon
Beyond the setting sun.

Waiting alone at the seashore
I shiver from the breeze.
The waves shatter my wisdom
and I stay all eternity.

Trembling alone at the seashore
I overlook my despair.
Numb fingers mark liberation
From this hard coarse sand.

Forgetting myself at the seashore
I look for a cause
To abide by this meditation
When the origin is lost.
Jan 2018 · 1.4k
3
Sanjali Jan 2018
3
-A Name-

Something to call you by,
So that when you leave,
I'll know that I miss you
And I’ll see you in my dreams.
Something to remember,
A face I won’t forget,
And laughter in my memories,
Smiles to cause me torment.
Something to love
And despise till I know
Why you were here
And where you would go.
Something to write
In poetry or songs.
Maybe I’ll write you and me
In a sweet story long.
Something to share~
I wrote this long ago. It is a bittersweet feeling to notice that I keep going back to my old poems to find myself.
Jan 2018 · 2.2k
2
Sanjali Jan 2018
2
-Watermelon-

I looked around
And no one was there.
Peeked at my mother,
She wasn't aware.
So I ate the watermelon
Like a bear.

A second slice,
Did I dare?
I looked again,
Still no one here.
So I ate the watermelon
Like a bear.

I was still hungry,
That was rare.
My mother called,
I didn’t care.
So I ate the watermelon
Like a bear.

Now I’m done,
The skin lays bare.
Answered my mother
'I'm right here!'
But why did I eat the watermelon
Like a bear?
Jan 2018 · 584
1
Sanjali Jan 2018
1
-Coming Home-

The door creaked open
And dust flew from the floor,
Shimmering in the sunlight,
As I came home.
Cracking walls were a surprise
Next to my room’s door,
Cement broke under my feet
And a gecko ran into its hole.
But it seemed as I had left it
The windows that were closed,
My books and seashells waiting
And the clock ticking on.
Amidst the cold surfaces
Sometimes we find ourselves,
Familiarity seems to be the reason
To love and connect.
I felt them all welcoming
Though tired from their sleep,
Stretching under my gentle touch
Mocking eternity.
The hands showed me all
That I thought I had missed,
The seconds ticked by,
There I was, with nothing amiss.

— The End —