These poems do not live: it's a sad diagnosis.
They grew their toes and fingers well enough,
Their little foreheads bulged with concentration.
If they missed out on walking about like people
It wasn't for any lack of mother-love.

O I cannot explain what happened to them!
They are proper in shape and number and every part.
They sit so nicely in the pickling fluid!
They smile and smile and smile at me.
And still the lungs won't fill and the heart won't start.

They are not pigs, they are not even fish,
Though they have a piggy and a fishy air --
It would be better if they were alive, and that's what they were.
But they are dead, and their mother near dead with distraction,
And they stupidly stare and do not speak of her.

I keep finding bullets stuck between my teeth
The same ones you bought the day you decided the ceiling would look better covered in blood.
Maybe that’s why everything I say
sounds like it’s is trying to **** me.
But what do you do
when you stand in front of a mirror
with a gun to your head
and your reflection smiles back at you?
What do you do
When you stand in the middle of a busy road
And every driver is a different version of yourself you’ve tried to ****.
Every version of yourself
No one could love.
My mother used to get in fist fights with the mirror and expect to win
She says I look just like her
Maybe that’s why I wake up and can’t recognize who I am.
I checked the obituaries this morning
Trying to find myself again
It’s a habit I picked up from you
But I never thought your name would end up there before mine.
Sometimes I imagine what death feels like
Sometimes I imagine kissing you instead
By now it feels like I’m imagining the same thing.
Someone once told me that begging you to come home
Isn’t the same as praying
Maybe that’s why God stopped listening
and started smashing the windows of every place I thought we could be happy in.
Your smile looked a lot like the light at the end of the tunnel
Right before the train hits you.
I used to squint my eyes when I looked at you
Like I was looking at the sun
Or a car accident I wanted to be part of
I’m sorry I ever thought you could be anything ugly to me
You were the only beautiful thing in this hideous place.
I couldn't look at you clearly,
because I knew I would see my own face staring back at me and
your eyes were the only place I never wanted to be dead inside of.
You can only break your knuckles so many times
Before you cant hold yourself together anymore.
My hands haven’t stopped shaking since you left
I don’t know how to tell them you’re not coming back.
See, I used to say I never wanted to end up like my father
Now I have to say I never want to end up like you,
Which means I can’t leave without saying goodbye
But I tried to write my eulogy last night
And realized it's hard to write about someone I never knew.

Im standing on a ledge
On a mountain
With a view as far as the eye can see
The wind is pushing me back
Toward safety
The urge to jump is
Clawing at me
All the secrets
And lies
Piled ontop of eachother
Overwhelm my mind
With thoughts of
Death
All it takes is one step
Off the ledge
That one moment of nothingness
As i fall
Surging toward the ground
But maybe death is safety
And whatever awaits in life
For me tomorrow
Is danger
Clouded by a lie of happiness.

"You have this fire inside of you, a fire so bright it would blind you if you ever saw it. A fire you cant blow out with a couple breaths, a fire so intense that water just makes it burn stronger. I dont know how you do it, after all thats happend to you. But you just stand back up. Day after day, you do it again. And what makes me love you more, is that you dont feel sorry for yourself. After everything, you wake up ready to fight whatever demons come next."

Love felt like ripping apart your lungs and then trying to breathe.
Love felt like Smashing a glass bottle then trying to piece it back together.
Love felt like Being on so many uppers you'd have heart palpitations.
(Love felt like a night that you know the stars are out but there's too many clouds) (C.M.)
Love felt like A gust of wind knocking you to the ground.
(Love felt like finding comfort in a casket)
(Love felt like building a house with Popsicle sticks and glue instead of cement and bricks because he was afraid of commitment) (S.F.)
Love felt like Being punched in the stomach as you hunch over afterwards.
Love felt like Fainting at a sight.
Love felt like climbing into the comfort of your bed after the longest day of your life. (AG)
Love felt like Feathers running across my skin.
Love felt like Flower petals kissing my lips.
Love felt like Hammers knocking at my head.
Love felt like Cutting down a tree and then yelling at it to grow back.
Love felt like The consumption of alcohol.
Love felt like The first sip of coffee in the morning.
Love felt like Chain smoking cigarettes.
Love felt like The way he kissed me while I was still in a slumber
Love felt like Flowers in a field on a sunny day
Love felt like How my mother hugged me everyday before I went to school although I could smell the alcohol on her breathe
Love felt like Music
Love felt like The tears running town my cheeks
Love felt like His name running through my mind again again again again
Love felt like An invincible smile
Love felt like The way his eyes set sight on mine
Love felt like A new beginning
Love felt like Finishing a book you couldn't put down for three whole days
Love felt like Him Making me his world  
Love felt like puncturing my ear drums because I kept playing the voicemail you left me over and over
Love felt like Many sensations
Love felt like Love

My head rests on the root of the tree
Thoughts roaming through my head
Wind rushing through my ears
Clouds surrounding my pupils
Dirt slowly burying my body
Nature is calling me home
And I've been so lost
Every path just a wrong turn
With a dead end
I can't battle with life anymore
So I decide to give up the fight
And let the earth swallow me

Darkness swarms around your
god forsaken lifeless body
The demons come out to play
Rattling your mind
Scratching at your soul
Tearing at your heart


Overthinking comes about
In the early night
The demons are here to stay
Sitting in your mind
Deteriorating your soul
Killing your heart

                                                
4:00 a.m.
bags under your eyes
The demons rest
Leaving your mind
Crawling from your soul
Dancing out your heart


for what a great job they have done
by Leaving you weak and numb