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Suhayb 5d
I can hardly read a book
without finding you
between the words
between the worlds
of fantasy and fiction
we’re you ever really here?

the silence between the chords
of the songs you adored
I’m trapped here, in the reverberating air
hoping you’ll echo into existence

the pencil twists in the old cassette
turning back space, turning back time
parity is broken, but clarity conserved
I see exactly how we got here
yet cannot see where were headed

where we’re headed
we.
we?
you, I, us, me
him, her, them, he
one, one, two, one
a recurring zero to infinity

I asymptote closer to forgetting you
a neon sign in the rainy distance
as I drive away
nothing but silence, and the sound of rain
that’s juxtaposition right? Maybe irony?
I can hardly focus
on the words
without finding you
in between
Suhayb 5d
Thinking in circles
Of rosemary and pine
I wish that you were mine
But don't get too close
I'm flammable

The sky is looking down
On us small
But I won't frown
No, not at all
Not with you

Throw the chair out the window
Jump up on the table and scream
Sit quietly in the corner
The world will turn out just the same

I think about you in the morning
I smell you when I’m making coffee
Why did they all look away
When they could see us clearly

Never give into people
That are smarter than you
Stronger than you
It's just too obvious

The path of least resistance
The universe will yawn
And roll the well worn dice
Let’s smash normality on the ground
And dance in the middle
Of the freeway
On a Sunday
The cacophony of horns
Music to our ears

Won’t you join me on this day?
Our smiles will light the way
Our hands won’t be alone
We’ll sing until
Our throats are sore
We’ll laugh until
The heat death of the universe

Our bodies, reduced to atoms
Will be reborn again

The cycle will go on
I'll see you on
The other side
Of forever
Ready to start off the madness
All over again
Feb 13 · 114
Café Noire
Suhayb Feb 13
Black coffee and black tears
We’re out of milk and I’m running late
I was supposed to buy some yesterday
But I was working overtime again
When Mum called asking If I was okay
For the third time that day
Yes,uh-huh. Yes, yes. Okay
Yes, I miss him too
We all do

I ate cold chinese and collapsed into bed
Before waking to familiar dread
Took ten minutes to find my head and
Then my shoes, hey wait a sec
They’re already on, along
With yesterday’s outfit
Mascara running down my face
No need to change, I’ve been ready since the start
Life hack: let your life fall apart
Until your sanity’s razor thin
Cut to me dialling his number, in a daze
My coffee cold, the empty milk carton flung
Across the room in sudden rage
A rage filled with regret, bitter and sticky
Wrapped in emptiness and dipped in self-pity

It clicks through to voicemail, his voice in my head
‘Hi, I’m not here, leave a message instead’
The following beep demands that I speak
Torturing me with a false chance I don’t have
And haven’t had in a while
The tears reach my smile
No point in asking if you might
Be a dear and grab a pint
The stores are all closed. They always will be
No milk, no you, there's only me

My silent message over, another beep, telling me
It's over. He can’t ever call you back
Get used to drinking your coffee black
Jan 18 · 699
~
Suhayb Jan 18
~
The two things
I hate the most
Are short poems
And hypocrisy
Jan 14 · 114
You and me
Suhayb Jan 14
Me and you.
We were two, then one
then two again.
You made me smile, you
made me cry, why
did birds first learn to fly?
When did the trees decide
to grow? I've been told
there are things we’ll
never know, wrongs we’ll
never right.
Was it your fault,
or mine?
I time travel with my mind.
Stuck in a loop of what was
and what now will never be.
Hand in hand, young and free.
There we were.
You and me.
Jan 14 · 186
BLEED
Suhayb Jan 14
The days bleed together
All the colours turn to red
Your voice is all I hear now
I remember what you said

Oh the days bleed together
Since you covered up the sun
Make sure you turn the stars on
One by one

The days bleed together
And this blood is all I know
The storm of lies surrounds me
I can’t see where to go

Oh the days bleed together
Since you covered up the sun
Make sure you turn the stars on
One by one

The days bleed together
And the blood is on your hands
You say you didn't want this
But I know it was your plan

Oh the days bleed together
Since you covered up the sun
Make sure you turn the stars on
One by one
Jan 14 · 188
Like the same place
Suhayb Jan 14
Like the same place
But a different time.
Like the same word
But a different rhyme.
It's been so long and yet,
The sun hasn't set.
A day hasn't passed
Since when you lived
And died.
Laughed and cried.

The dusk stretches on
As I long
For your eyes to close.
For the world to blink
Just think
Of all the things
We used to do.
How high we climbed,
How far we’d run.
We were old
But now we’re young.
At last I see the setting sun.
The sky takes a breath,
And the world moves on.
Doesn't it know that you’re gone?

As stars fill my eyes,
I fall to my knees
And cry.
Jan 14 · 106
Chocolate Cake
Suhayb Jan 14
As soon as I think that
I’ve forgotten
the feel of your lips,
moist,
The warmth of your

voice, I think of
the way you’d show
your love with the oven,
and all of a sudden
I remember.

With a knowing grin you’d turn
the **** to gas mark four, I adored
the spot of flour on your nose as you rose
and fell, gliding across the marble floor.
Stay away from the oven, you’d warn.

You’d melt the butter with your heart,
crack the eggs with a smile, and all the while
be whipping up the purest of cream, I dream
of a world that could’ve been.
With you still here, beside me.

The oven beeps, reminding me
of your ECG machine, the clean
hospital floor, doctors saying no more
could be done.
It had been too long.
You cut me a slice and my heart splits in two.

As you hand me the bigger piece, I cease
all motion and stare
into your eyes
as you fade away.
Leaving only a tear on my cheek, my soul in the dark,
and the sweet taste of chocolate
To reside in my heart
Jan 12 · 94
That day
Suhayb Jan 12
That’s when I knew
We were over
The day the silence between us
Changed

From a silence of understanding,
The silence of being
So in touch with the other
Words were of no use

To an empty silence
Spanning the miles between us
Making us both
Alone

A silence filled with
Feelings that
Could not be put into words

A silence through which
We could no longer
See each other

That’s how I knew
It was over
Jan 11 · 227
Existence
Suhayb Jan 11
There is nothing
But an empty darkness
Between us all
The world is silent
We create the music
In our own heads
The cool touch of
A lover’s hands
The silky whisper
Of desire
Tickling your ear
All a mere illusion
This is what we call
Reality
Jan 10 · 62
Before
Suhayb Jan 10
My pen drifts in distracted circles
Above my unfinished essay
I gaze out the window
Thinking of an old friend
She smiles and takes my hand
Leading me back
Before the heartbreak
Before the stress
Before the empty promises
And empty people
Back under the apple tree
Where we’d spend entire summers
In our own heads, and in each others
Lying breathless in the tall grass
After a long day of nothing much
Gazing up at clouds
Calmly idling by
Their shapes indecipherable at the time
Were they trying to tell us
Of the hardship to come?
I reach for her hand and grasp
Nothing but the pen
Still hovering over
The blank sheet of tomorrow
I smile at the thought of an old friend
Put my pen to the page
And write again
Jan 6 · 126
Vapaus
Suhayb Jan 6
Blazing down the highway
At fifty over both limits
My rear-view flashes red and blue
I don’t care
I roll down the windows
Crank up the tunes
Take another drag and laugh
Nothing can hurt me now
Nothing can hurt me
Jan 3 · 110
Pauli
Suhayb Jan 3
I woke up in desperation
Feeling haunted by my regrets
My life slowly slipping away
Like a cold sweat down my neck

I dug around and found a coin
And swore to myself that were it heads
I’d push down the panic and go to bed
Wake up the next day and carry on
Living for the sake of living, until my death

But were it tales, I’d pack a bag
With all my hopes and dreams
Leave my sleeping wife and steal into the night
Travel the world as a stand-up, a writer
An actor, a poet, a painter, a stoic
Live, love and laugh
Freely and truly as myself
For as long as that may be

As the coin flies up through the air
There is a moment of silent awe
Where the universe hangs in the balance
Fate herself holds her breath
And watches

And waits

For the infinite tree

To collapse to

A

single

branch
Dec 2019 · 80
'Til death
Suhayb Dec 2019
‘It’s too bad we couldn’t
Hire a vicar’, she said,
Her gas mask lit with the dying light
Streaking through the destroyed roof.

‘Well I suppose they’ve  gone
Where all vicars end up’, I reply.
She shudders a smile in the winter breeze,
‘At least that’s warmer than here’.

We clasp hands by the burnt slab
Of what was once an altar,
Letting the moment last a little longer.
Complete silence, save for the distant gunshots.

‘Do you take me to be your
Lawfully wedded husband,
Through sickness, health, chaos,
Destruction and the end of the world?’.

‘I do’, she says, putting her arms
Around my blood stained shirt.
‘Any objections?’ I ask the empty rows of pews,
My voice echoing into nothingness.

We exchange rings made
Of paperclips, then embrace.
The gunshots draw closer.
We share a look. Time to move.
Dec 2019 · 73
Faux pas
Suhayb Dec 2019
I get a rush of pleasure, whenever
I realise I'm being lied to
It turns me from a cog stuck in
Social pleasantries
To a scientist wearing a white coat
Staring down the microscope
At the nature of the human condition

My emotions flee the scene of
My detached fascination
I probe further, letting the subject
Get caught in the web of their own contradictions
The slow burn excites me
The panicked, flustered expression
That turns at times into anger
Or bouts of nervous laughter
And the sudden need to be elsewhere

He who doesn't lie is not interesting
I struggle to find people with
Nothing to hide
Worth my time
It's quite unsettling, you may think
But lying is an artful game
I respect the player who plays well
And one day hope to meet one as
Skilled as myself
There's nothing wrong with me, it's just
A hobby, a quirk
And innocent obsession
You believe me right?
Dec 2019 · 143
Cracked
Suhayb Dec 2019
Your mind’s a twisted, knotted maze
Of second guesses and grey decisions
I hate your phony pessimism
Your desperate fling with relativism

So sick of your infernal rhymes
I feel trapped inside a poet’s mind
There’s no meaning to your moral qualms
No thread that connects your fears to harm

Your deep, conceited lack of trust
Turns everything you love to dust
You wear smiles like crowns of thorns
And under the cover of darkness, mourn

For zebras, there's no such thing as society
But you know that things aren’t black and white
You can’t bring words to a gunfight
Or rather, you can’t expect that to work

I’d punch you in the face right now
But we both know that would only lead to
Broken glass, bleeding cuts
And seven whole years of more bad luck
Dec 2019 · 98
Valspar
Suhayb Dec 2019
Clear skies
A crisp french blue
Green tides, lime fizz
Then white moss
A witch’s brew

Cresting waves along
The Carolina coast
The sun a coral bloom
Its lyre strings
Weaving through warm breezes
Like fleecy dreams
Sighing into night
A bass note dark as nevermore

The gazing ball calms
The moonlit pebbles
‘Till the morning blossoms
Milk and honey
A subtle glow
Of royal gold
Defying gravity
Déjà blue
Nov 2019 · 105
Secondhand Smoke
Suhayb Nov 2019
You said you came out
For fresh air, then
Took another drag and smiled
Your white wand all the while
Casting a spell on the pavement
The smoke mixed with the dust
Mixed with the air
Mixed with my breath
I inhale again
And let the moment
Fill me up
I breathe out and
A part of you stays
Within me, though you’ve already
Gone back inside
I stand for a while
Still. Breathing.
Watching the warm gray haze
Fade
Into a warm gray day.
Oct 2019 · 108
Poetry
Suhayb Oct 2019
Poetry for sale
Rhymes not included
Neither is rhythm, nor style
No wit or charm
No purpose or meaning
Just an assortment
Of words
In lines
One after another
A row of soldiers
Waiting
For the right mind
To choreograph their dance
Oct 2019 · 263
A Silent Voice
Suhayb Oct 2019
A silent voice
An empty chair
Footsteps leading
To nowhere

I follow them
Until I see
Your tender eyes
Watching me

I blink, they’re gone
I turn around
Not a movement
Not a sound

And then I hear
The ring of bells
Far away
Too far to tell

I see you now
There you lie
A sleep from which
You’ll never rise

I reach to touch
Your hand, it’s cold
You fade away
I stand alone

I think of you
Your auburn hair
Of how I felt
When you were here

I see you now
Where skies are clear
And wait for death
To take me there.
Oct 2019 · 126
Peace
Suhayb Oct 2019
Peace for our time.
Before the blasts of bomb and battling,
The roar of rhythmic rifles rattling.
Sudden sounds of screams are silenced.
Many millions meet their maker.

Peace for our time.
Is peace the vapid void of voice,
And sound surrounding the silent scores,
Lying lifeless, once laughing lovers,
Forever forgotten, in fields of flowers?

Peace for our time.
Did this twist of truth tempt the tides
Of fate, and fan the flames for us
To make the most merciless decision,
To **** for victory,
To **** with precision?

Peace for our time.
Both sides with bibles buckled to belts,  
Gamble on the good graces of God.
Which god would support this mindless ******,
Burnt bodies piled high to rot?

Peace for our time.
When our soil was soaked with soldiers sorrow.
Women wept, eyes echoing their agony.
Let us rejoice that this time would befall.


For if this is peace, speak not of war.
Based on a speech from the British Prime Minister, Neville Chamberlain, in which he declared 'Peace for our Time' shortly before the outbreak of WW2.
Apr 2019 · 63
On the line
Suhayb Apr 2019
We stood divided on the line
Nearing the conversation's death
Both not wanting to end the call
Each hearing the other's breath

Until I finally hear the click
And just like that you're gone

The humming dial tone screaming
With a thousand words unspoken
Stories had died as secrets
Unmade promises were broken

I thought that you could see my face
But now you only hear my words
Nothing more.

— The End —