Why am I so messed up?
That I can hardly talk
My tongue moves but
Noises don't come out
Am I challenged?
Against my own self
Will the war within me
Ever cease to peace
Continuously I keep talking
But just to myself
When will I make my voice heard
My past has been horrendous
My future bleak
In all this circumstances
Is my present too
Getting weak
I need to arise
I need to talk
I don't know
How and where
But I need to open up
My black heart!

-Nirmohi

What is your opinion if
Your knowledge meant nothing?
What if your life's work was
Not what you were calling?
In my mind I search Heaven, Hell
The Universe and the Earthly planes
My mind, my soul
Reasons for life
Philosophy and psychology
Where is all this leading me to?
Do I hold value for myself?
Or in the talks I have with myself?
Or am I just reasoning
Motivating
Something, anything
Healing?
I am almost 30
Not a college graduate
I take the train
I am not established in my career
I can go on a shopping spree though
That won't ease the pain though
It won't fill the void of black
Maybe I have been wrong all the time
All of those books
All of that time spent
Reading, writing, thinking
Imagining, feeling
Is in vain
I go to a thousand places
In my brains
Sometimes it is nowhere
No one knows
If zero is nothing
Doesn't that make it something?

I could fill a million reams
Writing of those unspoken dreams
Those that were and those that will be
Dreams, perhaps, I never stopped to see

Dream of sunshine cutting through a cold night
The hope that no matter what it will work out right
Hoping I will catch just a little stardust
As in the unborn morning, I place my trust

A road so long with shades so few
And I try to balance as I stumble on the dew
I dream to make it to the other side
Hell, no one promised, it would be a smooth ride

So again today, the heat waves I will fight
And try tiding the storm with all my might
Yet again today I will stretch a few meters more
Who knows.... I might not be far away from the shore!

I often wonder
Why do I write some days
And not on others?
Emotional turbulence
Makes me write
A sentence or two
Just to calm it
On the surface
I forget in this turmoil
Where am I actually
Hiding all the trouble
Or rather am I even doing so?
With passing days
My writing decreases
Does it signify
My pain too is vanishing?
Or am I above the stage where
I am unable to write even in pain
I wish to rest my case
With all the problems
With all fingers pointed at me
For there is nothing more
I can write
Or express!

- Nirmohi

What exactly have I done so wrong?
I have listened to his cries and pleas
I have tried to understand all of his
Hopes, dreams and needs
Yet as time goes on
He continues to hate me
Not trusting in my love
Not believing on our friendship
How can I remind him
So that he will remember?

Why has he left me all alone?
I have always talked and cried with him
I have joked around
I have shared my secrets and feelings
All with him
But as he gets older he wants to leave
Run away so to speak
Never turning back
Not even a blink
Will I ever see him again?

Where has my son gone?
He is hiding behind the
Teenage smoke screen
Rather be lonely than come back to me
I have to be the parent
He doesn't like
Sorry if this he can't see
I can't seem to change his mind
How can I tell him
I love him
And have him believe?

Is there any chance to help
Our relationship survive?
I have given him my heart and my soul
But he doesn't seem to care anymore
The closeness we once had
Seems to have died
In a few days' time
It's a possibility he may
One day forgive
Allowing our anger, pride and hurt
To go away
Not holding a grudge for things
That are not my fault
Will he ever accept my apologies

- Nirmohi

Sorry I failed
I didn't wish to hurt you this way
You wanted me to be strong
I just couldn't handle it well

Sorry I failed
I wanted to be everything to you
I tried making efforts
But I took too long

Sorry I failed
I always want to see you happy
My actions never spoke my intentions
Justification became my language

Sorry I failed
Life became a living hell for you
I don't wish to be forgiven
But just wish to be yours forever

Sorry I failed
I really love you from all my heart
My bad I fail to express
My bad I made you see this day

Sorry I failed....

- Sudeep G. Soparkar

From someone's suggestion to you
Do not judge a person to be good or bad
Rather than making an impressions
Let us walk a few steps
Interact with that person personally
And then make sure about the impression
Interaction is essential
To maintain a relationship
Increase the depth of the words
And not the length
As rains help farmers harvest
And not the thunderstorms
We should know
Only pure water flows
And saturated water
Forms a ***** puddle
Mosquitoes swarm on such ***** puddles
The choice is ours
Even if it is true
That nobody can rely on anyone
Who will stand by you
In times of need
Cannot be predicted
If the head is calm
Decisions can never go wrong
And if the language spoken is soft
Relationship do not break!

- Sudeep G. Soparkar