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noor Jan 2017
her embrace

when i felt myself being brought into it
i was joking around with my friends
preventing me from getting up
two of them wrapped themselves around me
one around the leg and one around my waist

how was it so comfortable?
how did a mere action such as this
make me feel so at ease?

it's not like i don't hug people
hugging is my main way of greeting someone
but just the way
she held me from behind
my head resting beneath her neck
her arms wrapped around me from behind

if i try hard enough
i can recreate the feeling i felt
worry and pain leaving me
as i sighed a sigh
full of relief

her embrace

she held on tight
i didn't want her to let go
but the stupid teacher
called us for the stupid assembly

and as she let go
i felt my anxiety return
and as she walked away
all i could think of was

her embrace
this might seem a bit odd considering i don't have any attraction towards this girl and she's actually just a very close friend. but i couldn't stop thinking about it and didn't want to forget it.
noor Dec 2016
cause i had the best of the worst sides
i'm a ******* mess sometimes
stay, you're not gonna leave me
feeling six feet under
when i'm 30,000 feet in the air
no i don't love you, and i never did
i can't love when i can't even love myself
things i would rather be thoughts in the back of my head
i always thought that there'd be more than just wishing my life away
and i'd be lying if i told you i'm fine
but i'll lie
and i'll be fine
if you ever ask me
cause i want it all
but all of it ain't gold
i guess i'm too attached to my own pride to let you know
that all these words meant nothing
and i've always been this heartless

and who says you're one in a million
*anyway?
my favourite artist of all time. some of my favourite lyrics from his songs.
noor Dec 2016
maybe
i do have a good voice
and am not bad at singing
just maybe

maybe
i actually am clever
and find it easy
to solve mathematical questions
just maybe

maybe
i really am a decent basketball player
and love basketball as more than just a sport
and love having a team and being its captain
leading it to victory
just maybe

maybe
i try to be a good person
and help the people around me
putting other's problems
above my own
just maybe

maybe
authority suits me
for the students know me
and are eager to listen to me
even if i wasn't Head Girl
just maybe

but then again,
maybe, just maybe
i fail to believe any of that
for those are the things
others have told me
i doubt i believe them

but maybe
just maybe
someday i will
//you talkin' bout me i don't see the shade//
noor Oct 2016
so cliche isn't it?
i remember myself gagging
when i'd hear about these stories
but now i found myself a victim
of this type of love

there was no chance
in a million years
of me having you
by my side
as my lover

your cute giggles
your rants
your short temper
your accent
your flaws
your hair
your passion-lit eyes
your caring nature
your empathy

all of the above
are the reasons i love
your existence

and hey
even if it is forbidden love
i'm so glad
i can call you my best friend
// never mind i'll find someone like you //
noor Oct 2016
he told me you
felt a tad bit
neutral
when i said hey
like the other day
i realized how we went
from those long, meaningful hugs
to these worthless handshakes
and half-hearted greetings.

i didn't realize it at first
but now it all makes sense
i did something for myself
and i lost a close friend

this ******* guilt eats me up
maybe that's why all i do
is hate myself
and care more about others

and by not doing that
just this once,
i lost your embrace
your gay jokes
your playful poking
your cute laugh
i still hear it,
i'm just never the reason for it

your ***-smacking
which you'd do
just to see that face i make
when i'm uncomfortable
and then you'd laugh with me

now i can see your eyes
almost sigh when they meet mine
as if i'm the reason for the loss
of their glow

maybe i am

and from this point on
never am i doing something
for myself
because instead of gaining something
i lost a piece of myself
// we don't talk anymore
like we used to do
we don't laugh anymore
what was all of it for//
noor Sep 2016
i wrote about thirty pages
they were long, took me ages
i decided to leave some messages
which people i loved could read
when i was no longer here

when i reached the fourth person
who i had cared about enough to address
i realized; and it hit me so hard
i didn't want them to know

i didn't want them to know
what kept me up at night
i didn't want them to know
about my mental state
i didn't want them to know
how i felt about them

i didn't want them to know
what my favorite thing
about them was
i didn't want them to know
i would give up my life for them

because;
the people who really matter
and really care about me
have shown understanding
of some level
on all the above

even if all of them didn't
the complexity of my very being
was scattered in the knowledge
preserved by those who cared

it would be very unsettling to think
that someone knew everything
everything
there is to know about me
no

i much rather prefer
the idea that when i die
and my name is mentioned
by chance in a conversation
no one would know everything

i want to be a jigsaw puzzle
that no one has all the pieces to
rather i want to be a puzzle
who's pieces are preserved
and held on dearly by some

and no i don't find it necessary
to be solved
but if someone ever does bother
they'd learn new things about me
everyday
from every person
and realize that i

was a mystery
smiling depression is something that scares me and makes me realize i could have it. but honestly i wouldn't give two ***** if i was diagnosed with depression anyway so why bother?
noor Sep 2016
i hear how everyone
has a purpose in life
mostly revolving around
careers and hobbies

i wish i had one
oh wait
i think i do
the reason i'm alive
might just be the fact that

*suicide is not allowed in my religion
i have lost my will to live
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