everything's my fault for being too cruel.
i push him away as far i could yet he's still trying to reach me but i hurt him like everyday i throw the knives in her heart. i told him how much i can't fall for him with a really hurtful way. my friend told me that he loved me so much that he cried because of me.
i've tried to love him, to feel the way he feel for me. i look at him so often, that our eyes met. i  didn't like him at first, maybe until now but it hurts knowing that he's no longer waiting for me. i know i'm too cruel but nobody ever help me to fix myself.  
i'm being so happy all this time knowing that there's someone who truly loves me and i will just make him stay like that because i believe that he will wait for me, no matter how long is it. i'm being so happy that i finally got a loyal ones, the one who would wait for me. i'm so happy that my story would have a happy ending.
but  i'm  wrong.
love can't be like that and that's not love if it's only one person that feel it. love won't wait forever if you don't make a move and hold it close to your heart. nobody will wait forever if you show no interest to them.
but everything's still so blur to me, like every single thing. i may say everyday that i fall for the main character in dramas but God, i swear not that kind of fall. i never really fall into someone else, i never really fall for people. i only fall with how they talk, or his mind. because before i fall to people, i hold myself, telling myself that i shouldn't fall in love because i'm scared that i might be like my mom. i'm scared that i might live the rest of my life loving someone who once loved me but then when he's got bored of me, he choose to left. i'm scared that everything might turn out like that. i'm too scared to be like that, too scared to try. so here i am, only have regret in every love story that i've been through.

the saddest part
of being loved by someone is

if you try hard
to love him back
but can't

and it's frustrates you a lot
that you just can't love him
but he's still stuck

in you

(b.i)

you can only find the day like me once in your life.
im the wind that blows hard till your eyes hurt
and can't see the ocean anymore.
it will put the heavy rain to your shoulder
and make you kneel to the clouds
but it won't look at you anymore
because it cry too hard,
so hard that even the fire inside your heart
died because of its sadness.


it's until that point you realize
my feelings have become numb
my body have become weak
i wasn't the same me anymore
and to you,
fragments of shattered glass was only visible thing left in your heart
because you already lost me for good

(b.i & j.s)

love is love
even though his heart does not fit yours

love is love
even though his hands were holding another universe

love is love
even though his lips never land on yours

love is love
even though his moon never back to you

and love is still love
even though
it
     was
             not
                    made
                               for
                                     you

(b.i)

have you ever think of someone so hard until your head hurts?
have you ever care about someone you never met before?
have you ever feel so curious about someone?
have you ever fall in love with someone who's so far away?

i have met with thousands people
but none of them makes me feel so curious
and it's funny how i never see his eyes
but i am so sure that it would be bright
what happened with my mind?

you might think i am crazy
to expect too much
you might think i am out of my mind
but the feeling is real
the feeling is lighten up my morning
and i feel so warm, more than before.
ah, thanks to him.