Kneeling...
Thinking that I'm healing
but I'm just bowing down to you.
Once I thought I was bound to you.
A crown to you
But really Just a clown to you.
Applause to you,
I got bars for you and that's for saying you love me too.
Liar
Thought of you, higher.
But it's all just a game to you.
Burned like a flame for you, couldn't be tamed for you.
...You should be ashamed of you....

Do I miss you, or do I miss the comfort?
The money, the yeses and the rare no's?
Do I specifically miss your large arms or do I miss any limbs willing to embrace me?
I ask myself, what do I miss?
Do I miss the kiss that our lips fit perfectly together? Or do I miss that I just had someone to kiss?
Because when I ask myself what do I miss....
I miss the way you looked at me when you saw me in public, the way your eyes lit up and followed me until I looked into the cool greys and blues of you. I miss the way you wanted to protect me, love me and nurture my childish needs. For I have never been loved in a way and you have never loved me correctly.... I still remember the days you did love me... Those are what I miss. Your appreciation for me. I don't miss you. I miss love.

You know how it shows when the sun gleems through the window?
Do we ever really take the time to think about it when the suns not around?
I am dust.

Tan honey skin, I let you in. Deeper than I should. I thought I could. But a familiar embrace, retracted and retraced all the memories in my head. So I want to hold you close and dear. But lonesome I will be. Because if it's familiar, doesn't mean the same.

With her divine eyes, she glared heavily into the hollow room of a soul.
Dreams of perfection that the social surrounding sculpted have been lost.
Curiosity held the hands that once built.
The hands that once built, built hands of guilt.
Seeking attention and affection elsewhere led her to see.
See, "he never was apart of me".

My eyes deepened into the cool Grays and blues of you.
My body laid in sync with yours.
My thoughts hard to make out into words.
Words are useless, they don't function anymore.
You spoke with confidence.
A love that was not meant for just me, but yourself as well.
Selfishness had been constricted to the death.
Kept me close but pushed a little further away.
Mutuality had been finally rested in our hands.
Twirling my heart around your mind.
You escaped the vicious walls. Those who consumed you.
A free love.
An everlasting love.
It is true. It is love. It is pure.
Free.

It's funny how you said that I was always depressed, how I was always mad and I was always in distress.  You said I was angry.  I told you I'm not usually like this, but instead of believing me you held it in your fist. I told you we could be happy, I told you we could be the best but you'd hold to your heart that I'm really just like the rest. But without you I'm okay, my eyes are open and I do not cry. I cry for the fact that everything was a lie. I'm not depressed, mad, in distress or angry. My heart is free, free of you, free of giving you everything. I gave you a whole, not a half but you gave me lies and you always attacked. I defended myself and it made you furious. Gave you lies back but that only made you curious. Curious of how much you can push me, curious of how much I can take. I held your whole world on my plate. I crashed and burned and you didn't even care. You just watched the flames, the flames burning in the air. Crisp fresh air polluted with you. You suffocated me and this is really true. I can breathe now, I can see now, I can even read now, between the lines. And you're between my heart, between my head, between my spine. I think of you all the time.... But why?

Why can't they see me?
See past the pretty hair, cute face, long legs and thin waist.
They don't see me.
Rebound is what I'm made out to be.
They come falling back into my arms, heart big and warm.
I catch them.
I'm not to sure why I do, but the is heart worn, not at all new.
So why am I the rebound girl when there's so much I have to offer?
Smarts, talent and skin that's much softer.
I stand here questioning myself, but it ends with laughter.
I answer myself quite a bit faster...."It's not me, it's them"
All they really need is a friend.
Have I tried and tried to be there, and they still don't care.
Why? Because they don't see me.

A fist clenched around the pulsating pains.
Alone in my mind, no wins, no gains.
Too much time in my cold but sweating hands.
Wonder when the misery ends.
"Won't you come and save me"
I scream constantly in my head while the presence of others pass by.
But they flee.
No time, no cares, no worries.
That's what selfishness brings. Greed is always in hurries.
So I put glass to my lips and **** in the healing thoughts.
Hoping the research isn't true and I don't smoke until my brain rots.
She seems to be my only friend.
When I seem to be stuck at a dead end.
I can pick her up and she'll love me even if it's forcefully.
But sometimes I put her down remorsefully.
The clenching fist starts breaking my wrist.
Holding me down.
So I drown in my lonely depiction of my life.

I never choose to sink, but I do.
Stay afloat to please you.
You keep my head under and think I can breathe.
Ignoring all that I ever plead.
The thought, you had as though you had a latch.
But your burning, you've never put out the match.
Twist me between your finger tips, marionette.
Between the blood and tears, there's sweat.
Working hard to keep up but my feet keep tripping.
It's the forbidden that I'm sipping.
Escaping the conform.
But that is not the norm.
Black sheep, they try to herd me.
I'm burned again if I do not follow.
The conform is hard to swallow.
So I drown, trying to grasp the calm under the waves. But I sink.

Consumed by the constant rolls that play
Developed so well, recorded so well
Chasing the aroma that gently caresses the keys of the grand olfactory organs
Sinking into the fibers that catch me when I’m melting
They remember the tight grip that I’ve imposed on them
The grip imposed on me
Yet I want to sift through
Entangled by the loose strands I can’t help but to make vulnerable
The sway in the tongue that rolls tones so heavy
Leaves me tender
Such fervor unfolding itself, irritating the chests it lays on
Ethanol giving shoves until the words rupture into your gaze
Listening for more in hopes the shower could saturate me again
Hopeful and tender, I immerse you in ego
Later washing away everything that froth before our eyes
Then repeating the same intoxicating copulation
Until the light breaks through and I’m presented an abbreviated endearment
Leaving me instilled until the next time it’s decided times can concur

It'll be by the time I'm old and decrepit.
It's then when you will regret it.