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Consumed by the constant rolls that play
Developed so well, recorded so well
Chasing the aroma that gently caresses the keys of the grand olfactory organs
Sinking into the fibers that catch me when I’m melting
They remember the tight grip that I’ve imposed on them
The grip imposed on me
Yet I want to sift through
Entangled by the loose strands I can’t help but to make vulnerable
The sway in the tongue that rolls tones so heavy
Leaves me tender
Such fervor unfolding itself, irritating the chests it lays on
Ethanol giving shoves until the words rupture into your gaze
Listening for more in hopes the shower could saturate me again
Hopeful and tender, I immerse you in ego
Later washing away everything that froth before our eyes
Then repeating the same intoxicating copulation
Until the light breaks through and I’m presented an abbreviated endearment
Leaving me instilled until the next time it’s decided times can concur
A fist clenched around the pulsating pains.
Alone in my mind, no wins, no gains.
Too much time in my cold but sweating hands.
Wonder when the misery ends.
"Won't you come and save me"
I scream constantly in my head while the presence of others pass by.
But they flee.
No time, no cares, no worries.
That's what selfishness brings. Greed is always in hurries.
So I put glass to my lips and **** in the healing thoughts.
Hoping the research isn't true and I don't smoke until my brain rots.
She seems to be my only friend.
When I seem to be stuck at a dead end.
I can pick her up and she'll love me even if it's forcefully.
But sometimes I put her down remorsefully.
The clenching fist starts breaking my wrist.
Holding me down.
So I drown in my lonely depiction of my life.
You know how it shows when the sun gleems through the window?
Do we ever really take the time to think about it when the suns not around?
I am dust.
Thinking that I'm healing
but I'm just bowing down to you.
Once I thought I was bound to you.
A crown to you
But really Just a clown to you.
Applause to you,
I got bars for you and that's for saying you love me too.
Thought of you, higher.
But it's all just a game to you.
Burned like a flame for you, couldn't be tamed for you.
...You should be ashamed of you....
Why can't they see me?
See past the pretty hair, cute face, long legs and thin waist.
They don't see me.
Rebound is what I'm made out to be.
They come falling back into my arms, heart big and warm.
I catch them.
I'm not to sure why I do, but the is heart worn, not at all new.
So why am I the rebound girl when there's so much I have to offer?
Smarts, talent and skin that's much softer.
I stand here questioning myself, but it ends with laughter.
I answer myself quite a bit faster...."It's not me, it's them"
All they really need is a friend.
Have I tried and tried to be there, and they still don't care.
Why? Because they don't see me.
It'll be by the time I'm old and decrepit.
It's then when you will regret it.
Do I miss you, or do I miss the comfort?
The money, the yeses and the rare no's?
Do I specifically miss your large arms or do I miss any limbs willing to embrace me?
I ask myself, what do I miss?
Do I miss the kiss that our lips fit perfectly together? Or do I miss that I just had someone to kiss?
Because when I ask myself what do I miss....
I miss the way you looked at me when you saw me in public, the way your eyes lit up and followed me until I looked into the cool greys and blues of you. I miss the way you wanted to protect me, love me and nurture my childish needs. For I have never been loved in a way and you have never loved me correctly.... I still remember the days you did love me... Those are what I miss. Your appreciation for me. I don't miss you. I miss love.
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