Eventually I will run out of drugs.
Eventually I'll have to get my **** together.
Eventually everyone will stop loving me.

Everyone on my floor is drunk.
And loud.
And I live near an airport.
And that's loud.
And I'm coughing up blood.
And I did too many drugs.
The odds are that I will probably be alright.
Nothing to worry about.
Another line to write another line.
Thank you spell check,
*****,
And a good episode of Parks and Rec
For making this write possible.

Once upon a time there was a girl.
In the summer she'd hold her breath underwater in the three foot pool. 47 seconds.
In the fall she'd look at the trees from the car window and wonder why she didn't change color with them.
In the winter her boots would get stuck in the snow just like the cat and she'd laugh.
In the spring she'd make potions with leaves, seeds, and sandbox rain water.

Once upon a time the girl was a little bit older.
In the summer the pool would be too small, she'd be too tall.
In the fall she'd become enthralled with girls and wouldn't think of the leaves again.
In the winter she'd realize not all children were hit and hated at home.
In the spring she'd fill herself with alcoholic potions the leaves and rain water couldn't touch.

Once upon a time the girl aged even more.
In the summer she'd throw her last scrap of childhood to the big bad wolf. He gave her a token.
In the fall she'd change like the leaves, but then the magic would leave. She'd lose the token.
In the winter she'd fall in the gravel infested snow. She wouldn't laugh.
In the spring she'd try to end it all with a potion of sleep and cool metal. It wouldn't work.

Once upon a time it was right about now.
I'm changing like the leaves, stuck in the snow, taking too many "potions". The whole time I've been holding my breath. 571,501,629 seconds.

I was literally *****
Over four years ago,
And I'm not over it yet.
I feel so ******* defeated.
And I've neer stop thinking
"I might as well just **** myself now,
Because this is pretty ******* pathetic."
But I'm still here.
And I think I regret the decision
To stay in this world.
But I'm not sure.
I'm just so ******* defeated.
And I know it's up to me to fix my problems
And be my own hero
And put positivity into my life.
But I tried
And I can't
And I'm weak.
And I realize it's supposed to be hard.
But I actually can't do it.
I hate him.
And I hate you.
And I hate who I am.
And I hate
I hate
I hate.