Pull the trigger but the barrels empty, what do I do now?
I can't delay the end of an era.
I've already wrote my goodbye letter.

Im so happy you found out about my new LOVE.
Im glad you took the time to look for my Facebook and find that you've been blocked out.
Ive blacked out every memory i had.
Who told you to crawl back? Well its too late.
I stopped loving and started feeling hate about three years ago but i stayed.
Keep wishing, you selfish lying cheat.
Part of me hopes you keep checking back.
Keep seeing me and my new love grow with the seasons.
She loves me for sensible reasons.
Shes seen the real me.
The me that gets caught up and worried.
She hasnt called me crazy.
That makes me crazy
For HER.
I dont feel anger.
Best of all i dont fear finding her ******* someone behind my back
You were on your back begging for more.
Begging me not to call you a ****,
*****.
But thats the past.

                                                                        New found love
                                                              Grasp closely and listen to me
                                                                     You are everything

Mother, I know that you left me for a new found purpose. But now we've slipped away.
Every day passed,
****** away.

She was your new found love.
And 4 kids to count.
0 days notice.
2 of your own you left hungry and alone in that house.
Those days still take a toll on me.
Below 0 in Albany.

Are we okay?
Remember the day the doctor diagnosed me?
You called dad and looked right through me.
"He's depressed"
And what did he call me?
"You little *****"
Words and abuse I've oppressed.
Maybe that's why you both left.

Was it me?
I was only fifteen.
Barely old enough to understand the world around me.
I remember waking up screaming.
Staying up, wondering.
Why you left me.
When you left me.

But mother, I know you left me for a new found purpose.
And a mothers love is just something I don't need.
I think I came out fine. Even after you left me.
Im happy to say that some people love me for me.
I don't need you.....


Why did you leave me?

It was his birthday yesterday.
another year passed by without adding another candle.
My friend, ill still never understand.


When you reached the ledge
Did you hesitate?
When you were falling
Did you think about everyone you left behind?
Your friends, your family and the one you claimed to love.
I guess those thoughts just werent enough?
Ill never know
I could never understand.

I want to call you a coward
But it takes guts to jump.
I want to call you.
But I know there's no line.
Maybe in time I'll see your light.
All in due time.
Coward, I know it wasn't your time.

Another birthday will pass.
Another year passed too fast.
I'll remember skipping school
I'll remember the days elapse.
I'll remember when we actually showed up for class.

Days end.
Like your life that cold night.



I'm sorry I wasn't there, my friend.
You are loved.

I don't want to spend one more night.
Without you in my arms, at my side.
Your eyes.
Oh my, your eyes.
I could stare forever,
I swear.
Ill hold you near and dear forever
I swear.
Forever doesn't feel like enough.

We are complete.
I'm content it seems.
Kissing, teasing, and laughing at nothing.
Your content it seems
I'm so happy we found this.
I know we deserve this.
I'm doing my best to make this
The only thing you want
I'm trying my best to be.
The only thing you need
because that's what you are to me.

I'll make you happy,
Satisfied being mine.
I'll stare forever I swear
I'll hold you near and dear,
Forever just doesn't seem like enough.

Remember the day that i took those pills?
Remember the times i drank to be numb?

I remember the circumstances.
If you knew you'd understand.
I didn't care if tomorrow came
It would have been another day alone ive spent.
You all said it would get better
i didn't know where my mom went.

Do you remember the day i was diagnosed?
I remember.
"Your crazy, just don't think that way."
"Be Normal"

I remember...
Taking too many new pills.
I didn't care if tomorrow came
Its just another day i would
have spent in an illusion.
I didn't know where my dad went.

I deserved the stomach pains and i deserved not having anyone to come home to.
i deserved my cold room in December.
I deserved to be called crazy, my pills became my only company.

Do i remember?
i wish i couldn't remember.
Maybe tomorrow wont come.
Then i wont have to remember.