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Stephanie Lynn Apr 2017
sorrow becomes of me
as i go on and pretend it don't hurt
i am reminded of the life
i failed to create
diminishing a woman's worth
who determines
what a mother should be?
it's been determined somehow
that it won't be me
and so my tears and blood
become one with the life
that should have been
as i fumble with the pieces
of my broken heart
in attempt to rebuild it again
(C) Maxwell 2017
Stephanie Lynn Apr 2017
deep in the meadow
as all rebirths within in the sun
in the midst of early spring

darkness is descending
and beneath the fallen raindrops
i am the only nonliving thing
(C) Maxwell 2017
Stephanie Lynn Apr 2017
drink away the pain
it doesn't work
attempt to forget it all
but it still hurts
(C) Maxwell 2017
Stephanie Lynn Mar 2017
a glitter of hope
a rise of happiness
sudden fade
not this time
i guess
not yet anyway

okay.
(C) Maxwell 2017
Stephanie Lynn Mar 2017
in your eyes i see pain
if i could only take it away
you grasp hold of my hand
your new language
is hard to understand
i'm sorry you came back to this
it was our selfish wish
death is full devastation
but could suffrage be worse?
trapped in your body vs
locked in a hearse?

you want to cry
i can see it
you say that you're sorry
when you shouldn't be it
you're thirsty
you're hungry
you can't even talk
no control of your bowels
you're too weak to walk
you're uncomfortable because
you're feeling the pain
of living and dying;
being born again

no where to go
nothing to do
but get lost in your thoughts
i wish i'd see them too
a battle is won
yes we've come so far
but i know for a fact
you hate where you are
(C) Maxwell 2017
Stephanie Lynn Mar 2017
frustrated all to hell
i know this feeling all too well
a broken record i've become
yet my words still loop
on the tongue
you say that you do
but i know that you don't
you say you believe
i know that you won't
the chance has past
and come and gone
to prove myself
that you're all wrong

i am a diamond
shining quite bright
within a cave
in deep moonlight
but because the sun
shines brighter on you
it's assumed i don't crave
the same sunshine too
i want to feel heat
the same love and affection
i like to be wanted
i want the attention
but my lack of the day
and the way i was raised
made me look in depth and darkness
for all of the good
and because that's so different
i'm misunderstood
(C) Maxwell 2017
Stephanie Lynn Mar 2017
it never stops
i'm going mad you see
the pain has me in entrapment
i feel i'll never be freed
the pills mask the hurt
from the inside out it seems
i've built a tolerance so i always need more
who knew an addict would become of me
each refill is a look
a lecture from the pharmacy
humiliated as i hide the bottles in my purse
no, this is not stephanie
it began as a necessity
a true deserving need
but out of fear of future operations
i'll do almost anything
it's a secret
or is it something you can see?
my eyes are tired of throbbing pain
because of a disease of rarity
no one understands
so i stage act who i used to be
give her an Oscar tell her what she's won
behind this brain's brutality
to run from fear
is to fear reality

stuck between a nightmare
and a dream
my god,
what's happened to me?
i coach others
and tell them not to do the same
although i row oars in the same boat
and it makes me so ashamed

(C) Maxwell 2017
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