i say out loud, for the first time, that we will not be getting back together
and it's such an exciting feeling
it tastes so sour and scary and sweet

you will not be coming back
i don't even know if it matters to you
but you will not be coming back to me
and its okay it is completely okay

sometimes i will think so fondly of the love i had for you
and what you gave me too
and my unrelenting pouring endless infinite soft blubbering
like champagne or something as decadent it just kept on expanding and expanding and expanding
until it stopped
i think i stopped it

you will always have a soft and safe space inside me
i think something of you was born in me
and i think something of me was born in you
and thats why i was able to recognize you so easily
because something of you is me and so i saw myself

i will love you my whole life long
but i'll put it in my palms now

tender touch
i can't have you in this heart anymore

i am not 17 anymore
and this is no longer about you
you were never scared to hurt me for yourself
and now i am unafraid too

"if my legs were longer,
they might carry us further"

my legs are the longest part of my body,
you described me as being high waisted
i carried us for as long as we could
for as long as i could shoulder the burden
of your not understanding my hurt parts
of the apple you held in your palm,
bruises everywhere, but not enough

you held something else, something more bruised
when you should have held me

when you held her feelings you dropped mine
you wanted your cake,
you wanted me to be something different?

you idiot
you gave me love but expended a tailored version of that love
to someone who wasn't me, at cost to my allotment
you loved me, you loved me
but it wasn't my mess to carry or burden
there are better things for me

feb292016

i should feel worse
i know this
i should feel sadness like heartbreak
like heavy pain
like deeply sewn aches
and hurt
and withdrawal

maybe i do (i know that i do)
i know i am sad, disappointed, hurt, upset, annoyed,
angry
i can't believe the love i gave you (you gave me too)
but you forgot it was important
and lucky
you forgot that my feelings of love might not mean much
to me
that they might not matter at all in the face of such helpless talking
it's not enough to love someone and do them wrong
it's not enough to keep me this way, like this
trapped in what you feel for something else and what you don't feel for me

i don't want to see you
i don't want to talk to you
i don't want to hear from you
about you
care about you
i don't want to think about you
i am love and magic i am love and magic

march62016

I can’t pop bottles in the club or make it rain on these hoes
I can’t fix the pain you’ve experienced
I can’t promise that what I give you is enough
But;
I can give you my time
I can give you my daydreams and my goodnights
I can give you my hands; you can have them to hold you, to write melodies of your indulgence at my fingertips
I can give you my lips, to trace the creases on your body, to speak love songs about your intellect
They will always remind you of your beauty and your importance
I can give you my company, to fill the space between the heartaches, and the congratulations
You will always know that you are my definition of beauty. you are always worth it. You are endlessly loved


I can’t give you the world.
But;
I can give you my world.

Oh. I wanted to taste you
But I've got a bad habit of keeping you in the back of my throat
And I haven't figured out how to keep you from slipping into my chest

I wanted to leave bite marks on your neck and hand prints on your ******* soul

Oh. I shouldn't have ****** you.
Because I knew you could become the Sun
So beautiful and full
Too tempting not too touch and impossible to hold onto
I know the rays sunshine in your eyes that convince me the poison in your words tastes like sweet honey
Could be all I ever wanted.