I was in the shower, gazing out of the window.
The sun was setting.
An airplane flew south and it made me think of you.
we could travel somewhere far where we've never been.
hold my hand while I look out the window.
so many hills and mountains I can't climb.
farmland for miles, maybe a few lights.
I wish we could, but we have real lives.
4/x for him
I don't want to feel like a burden.
am I causing your hurting?
I feel like I'm causing you troubles.
stress that won't leave you alone.
but, if you decided to stay I'll love you
just like every other day.
maybe you'll leave me for someone better.
someone who doesn't give you stress.
do I make you a mess?
I don't want to be the reason
you're constantly sweaty and never smiling.
3/x for him
I can't have you.
it's not fair.
tears flood my eyes,
while I lay in my bed and cry.
my day is despondent
when I realize I won't be in your arms
tonight in my sleep.
I need you with me for every step of the way
and one day I'll hold you.
where you are
I call you home.
oh, you can't tell me no.
young, old, rain or snow.
I don't care what you say.
you can't tell me no.
I spent nights crying to sleep.
you said that thing about me.
yes, I'm skinny and I know I'm annoying.
You told I should eat more,
I'd be fat and you'd say eat less.
you say I'm too young,
well, that's a little too far.
when I get old,
you'll think I'm too slow.
her skin was like honey,
but pink on her cheeks and shoulders.
her moles and freckles were red.
she wore pink and red;
earrings, chokers, clothes, bows, makeup.
her natural hue was pink with red mixed.
she seemed cheery with her pops of color.
how could people mistake her for being so preppy
when she was so blue?
My heart beats slow,
faster when I'm stressed,
slower when I'm depressed.
During my sleepless nights
I listen to it beat.
It beats against its cage,
sending blood to my veins.
It's almost like a knock,
an old bitter knock against a wooden door.
An impatient knock that frightens me.
A knock that won't leave until I answer.
I feel empty as I lay in my bed.
I hoped a little rubatosis would fulfill my emptiness.
Chaos lives in my house,
there is no silence to hear my heartbeat.