today was another day.
a day of my anxious bones
nagging me about the possible outcomes
of nearby disaster in my life.
i've spent weeks pressing *******
to my pulse, making sure I wasn't suffocating
to an overachiever's reckless life
of an overbearing schedule
that creates a sense of panic
that there will never be peace.
eyes, tired and glazed
until the angst appears and my eyes shut for good.
a dramatic poem
today I wanna run away.
a backpack full of clothes,
the food I need, and a little cash.
I wish I were 18,
regardless of the adult struggle.
I need to be alone and not be questioned.
climb the mountains,
visit a city.
watch the sunset and the sky turn blue.
I don't want to feel like a burden.
am I causing your hurting?
I feel like I'm causing you troubles.
stress that won't leave you alone.
but, if you decided to stay I'll love you
just like every other day.
maybe you'll leave me for someone better.
someone who doesn't give you stress.
do I make you a mess?
I don't want to be the reason
you're constantly sweaty and never smiling.
3/x for him
I can't have you.
it's not fair.
tears flood my eyes,
while I lay in my bed and cry.
my day is despondent
when I realize I won't be in your arms
tonight in my sleep.
I need you with me for every step of the way
and one day I'll hold you.
where you are
I call you home.
oh, you can't tell me no.
young, old, rain or snow.
I don't care what you say.
you can't tell me no.
I spent nights crying to sleep.
you said that thing about me.
yes, I'm skinny and I know I'm annoying.
You told I should eat more,
I'd be fat and you'd say eat less.
you say I'm too young,
well, that's a little too far.
when I get old,
you'll think I'm too slow.
My heart beats slow,
faster when I'm stressed,
slower when I'm depressed.
During my sleepless nights
I listen to it beat.
It beats against its cage,
sending blood to my veins.
It's almost like a knock,
an old bitter knock against a wooden door.
An impatient knock that frightens me.
A knock that won't leave until I answer.
I feel empty as I lay in my bed.
I hoped a little rubatosis would fulfill my emptiness.
Chaos lives in my house,
there is no silence to hear my heartbeat.