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42.5k · Jul 2018
Black Water
Janna Jul 2018
There's a hole in my heart

A void in my mind

A deep desire for nothing but want

A need for something like fun

Adventure and thrills

Seekers and pills

Falling into a blackness

So dark I'm turning blue

Such stark it's only true

Helpless and innocent

Forgiving and iridescent

I bond with strangers

Act bold, I'm not the tamest

I am stuck, so stuck

I don't know how to get out of here

This place, this room, this hide

This mask, this facade,

This glass, this wall, this broken bridge

It is all burning up into flames

Watch it, sink

Down it goes deep into

Black Waters

- soulwriterj
Written in a state of fragility and lostness.
IG: @soulwriterj
2.2k · Jul 2018
Infatuated Lover
Janna Jul 2018
I can't stop thinking about you
I'm not sure if its because of the kindness I saw in your eyes
Or the way you looked at me
Like really looked at me the way I looked at you
Our eyes met and they locked
Never like this before
Has it been so long now
I can't even remember the last time
Six hours flew by just like that
Talking, and even in the silent moments
it didn't feel awkward
I'm scared of this potential love
I can't lie
I fear the future of what it might change and bring
Good or bad
Sorrow or joy
I'm stuck in pickle
A pickle I can't forget
- soulwriterj
Follow @soulwriterj on instagram
1.4k · Aug 2018
What If
Janna Aug 2018
I think about you today
I remember the way
Your hand drifted
Onto my thigh
You stroked it ever so lightly
I let you
The air between us
Calm, not too hot
Neither was it cold
It was just right
I remember you now
Like an old sweater lost in my closet
Forgotten amidst all the brand new
But when found again
Deep within the membranes
Of memory after memory
It brings warmth to my body
A nostalgic smile to my lips
I miss you now
What we could have been
What if I chose you
What if I let your fingers
Stroke above my thigh
What if I let you take me home
What if we could have been more
What if
I can only say
What if
- soulwriterj
That time I let a soul mate go.
1.1k · Oct 2018
Limitations
Janna Oct 2018
Though I prayed for wisdom
My choices were unwise
Though I sought understanding
My choices blocked insight
One can ask for this and that
But if one's choices are far from what is being asked
One limits themselves
739 · Aug 2018
Dear Me
Janna Aug 2018
I’m sorry

For doubting you

Your dreams, your beliefs

Your desires, your grieves

I’m sorry

for projecting fear on you

For taking one step behind

Because I thought about all the things

That could hurt you

But not all the opportunities that it could bring

I’m sorry

For not loving you enough

For hurting your body

And forgetting your soul

Leaving your mind empty

With everything foul

I’m sorry

For leaving you breathless

Tired eyes, weary sighs

You are more than you think

But I don’t tell you enough

I’m sorry for holding you back

Making you feel worthless

Ugly and sad

Losing your sense of inner beauty

Judging you, your outer seemed filthy

I’m sorry

I promise to love you better

So your heart will always be whole

- an apology letter to myself

soulwriterj
A lot of the time, we blame others and we also blame ourselves. But it’s time to snap out of it. To learn from our mistakes, to get up, give ourselves a chance to improve and be better, not stay in the hole we dug for ourselves.
I wrote this letter to myself on 9th November last year. It’s not because I was feeling sorry for myself but because I became aware that I HAD to stop feeling sorry for myself, my situation, my downfalls, my mistakes but to rise above, saying sorry to myself shifted my perspective, and the thing that brought me to this awareness is the belief that the God I know has accepted and loves
me for all that I am, now I too can accept myself, all that I am and who I can grow to become.
Ask yourself what you have to do to get out of the hole you’re in, don’t focus on how you got in there anymore, definitely don’t stay or think you can get comfortable in there.. find a way out, there’s always a way out.
681 · Sep 2018
deep
Janna Sep 2018
Can I share my dreams with you

Delve into the deepest depths

The ocean of your thoughts

Whirlwind like a torpedo

Within a world unknown

At the shallow surface

You’re almost invisible

But I see you

I see those tears

Shed in the midnight hour

Shunned by the day light sun

Show me your skeletons

I will show you mine

-soulwriterj
dont let simply anyone in to your secret universe of dreams, wonder, revelations, mysteries, questions, discoveries, hopes, desires, guard your heart.
629 · Dec 2019
Roses are Blooming
Janna Dec 2019
I sit here and imagine the smell of roses blooming
Out of my nostrils
The life of the wilderness
Raining down hunger and fire
Hunger for the Truth, fire that quenches my thirst
Thirsting for the transformation Truth brings
Because I know a Name like no other
Yet to confess His name is controversy
Maybe even deadly
I know a Name like no other
And He is the Way, the Truth and the Life
Who's hand is raised to receive this Manna?
Who is willing to lay down their life for the cross of salvation?
He calls out and none answers
So then,
Who if not me?
When if not now?
What if not Him?
Where if not here?
How if not this?
-soulwriterj
582 · Sep 2018
A part of me
Janna Sep 2018
Sometimes
I find a part of me
Wishing
I never met you
We are the sum total of all our memories. The good times. The bad times. The painful moments. The really great, happy moments. I choose not to suppress or repress my emotions to each event that occurs in my life, I choose to connect and be real with my own soul and spirit. In choosing this, sometimes I wish I made better choices. Sometimes I fall into the trap of old memories, sometimes I regret. And that’s okay. It allows me to think more, think harder, ask why, dig deeper, learn, move on, grow. This is a process that will bring me to tears some days, on other days I will laugh over it, but in future days I am assured that there is eternity awaiting after this life and there will be no more tears or sadness for all who put their trust in Jesus, for it says in Revelation 21:4 that “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. No more pain, for the former things have passed away, for He makes all things new”
577 · Aug 2018
Shedding
Janna Aug 2018
I feel like a snake

Shedding its old skin

Shaking and snaking

Out of the old

And remaking and refreshing

What is new

What is to come

What it can transform into

Shiny, new, smooth

No longer hanging on to the old

Not safe keeping it

Simply shedding it

Leaving it behind

I’m snaking away into

A new place

I have not forgotten the old

I’ve just simply grown new skin

Tougher and sharper

Better than before

I remember the old

Like it was just yesterday

And older still

Are the ones before

I’ve left them in various places

In remembrance

Of the good times

And the bad

All to learn

Something new

To grow into my new skin.

- soulwriterj
535 · Aug 2018
Heart Aches & Prayers
Janna Aug 2018
I Pray
In the quiet
In the silence of the night
Among the stillness of sleeping bodies
I Pray

I Cry
In the raging heat
Burning inside my heart
Devouring my words into tears
I Cry

I Wait
Patiently, on His voice
I am waiting
To see, hear, dream
Of a new awakening
I Wait

I Believe
In the Great, the Almighty
My Greatest Counsellor
My Strongest Comforter
I Believe

I Love
With my whole heart
I am loving you
All that I am
For all that you are
And all that you can become
I Love

I Plead
With my whole body
And being
For the Magic to touch you
For the Miracle to heal you
For the Blood to wash you clean
I Plead

I Remember
Your broken heart
Your wilting spirit
Dying a death too soon
I Remember

I Hope
For the silenced and fearful
For the lost and broken
For the weak and poor
That we reach Eternity together
I Hope

-soulwriterj
509 · Nov 2018
Concerns
Janna Nov 2018
I’ll write my concerns

Down it goes,

On the perfect crisp white

In between the lines

Can you read through them

But down it goes either way

Lodged in my throat

The words don’t come out

Like the way I want it to

The pen is dry liquidation

It worsens my condition

I can’t seem to write

Write down these concerns

Stuck and caught

In the moment

The pen hits paper

My words choked up

My vision is blurry

The dry ink got wet

Now I thank the liquid in my eye

-soulwriterj
some days our worries are well above our heads, high in the clouds, we can't see the start or the end, we have lost our voices, choked on our own tears, we lack understanding and wisdom, the left is right and right is left. some days we can't speak but try and write your concerns down, let it go, burn the piece of paper, pray on it, but let it go, let it out.
485 · Sep 2018
Itchy Fingers
Janna Sep 2018
Everyday I ask myself

If the hole is still open

My itchy fingers can’t help

But poke and pry

Instead of let time heal

My itchy fingers

Do more harm

Than patience and time

My itchy fingers

Keep on itching

I keep asking myself

If it’ll heal

But my itchy fingers

Won’t listen

- soulwriterj
460 · Dec 2019
Pen & Paper
Janna Dec 2019
Pen and paper are the best friend
To the words in my mouth
That I cannot express out loud
Pen and paper are the sidekick
To the problems that heroes can't fix
Pen and paper are the beginning steps
To peeling back the layers of my soul cry
Pen and paper are the pain killers
To relieve the discomfort that doesn't easily die
Pen and paper are my therapy
Don't get me a therapist, I'm more a realist
Pen and paper holds a deep and dark side
That if you ever discover my words
You might never see me in the same light
-soulwriterj
420 · Dec 2019
Soul Hunger
Janna Dec 2019
Hungering
Dripping sweat
My soul thirsts
For more and more
Of the One that
Gives and gives
Yet my flesh fights
It's a tug o war
Dripping sweat
Hungering
-soulwriterj
395 · Aug 2018
Stitches
Janna Aug 2018
He is stitching me back up
One weave at a time
Some days I’m under an anaesthetic
That life distracts me with
Other days I’m left with my own devises
I’m raw
A half open wound
On these days
I feel with all my body and being
I feel the needle of healing
Poking through the tenderness
Of my heart
Sewing in the thread of strength
The thread of love and repair
Interweaving and interlacing
The thread is blood red
To match the bleeding
Of an Overcomer
I am overcoming
follow my instagram: @soulwriterj for more
351 · Aug 2018
-ied's
Janna Aug 2018
occupied - you're on my mind
amplified - everything that you do
mystified - unpuzzling the puzzle
petrified - when fear takes over
mortified - death or life
simplified - breaking you down
rectified - right my wrongs
satisfied - soul at peace
gratified - soul contentment
- soulwriterj
How amazing is language and the English dictionary. Words are so important and how you use it, how you speak and what you say. It matters. Bring meaning to your language, to your words. Think trash, speak trash. Don’t speak trash. I’m learning this every day. It’s not easy, but I want my words to bring life not death. Proverbs 15:4 says “a wholesome tongue is a tree of life, by perverseness in it breaks the spirit”.
346 · Jul 2018
He is Knocking
Janna Jul 2018
The hand of my Creator
Was knocking on the door step
Of my heart
Patiently waiting
Always seeking
His lost daughter and child
To return into His mighty arms
- soulwriterj
I found my way back home.
302 · Apr 2019
We Cry
Janna Apr 2019
We cry
when we are most sad
We cry
when we feel so bad
We cry
sometimes not knowing why
We cry
maybe when we're high
We cry
in times of pure joy
We cry
maybe over some stupid boy
We cry
when we fall down
We cry
even the funniest clown
We cry
so we might let it all go
We cry
We cry
Altogether
We cry.
299 · Jul 2018
Flower Bloom
Janna Jul 2018
I opened up to you

Like a flower

On the first day of spring

I feared nothing

Not even when the rain fell

For when the sun shined

I grew just a little bit more

- soulwriterj
IG: @soulwriterj
271 · Jul 2018
Dying Soul
Janna Jul 2018
I feel ... like I’m falling
Like I’m failing
What am I doing?
I’m lost, really lost
I’ve been going in circles
In cycles
Same difference
What am I doing
Where am I going
WHAT AM I DOING
Nothing feels right
A lot feels good
It just doesn’t feel right
At the core of my heart
And the centre of my being
I am shaking
I am not okay Every part of my body aches
It aches for what it doesn’t know
It longs for something beyond
My soul feels trapped
Held down, silenced
I want to break free
Slowly, surely
How?
Help me
Conflicted soul, wanderer a mess
Free spirit they see
Lost, directionless spirit I feel
This they call it free
Far from free
Far from purity
Close to darkness
Wrapped in sin
Where am I
How did I get here
Get me out of here
Please
I don’t know these feelings
22/10/17 - I wrote this one when I was feeling very lost, very alone, very sad. I was conflicted internally. The layers of my interior were peeling and crumbling apart. I felt like I was leading a double life. I was going through an identity crisis.
215 · Aug 2018
Beyond Physicality’s
Janna Aug 2018
Where are you these days
No don’t give me your physical location
I want to know your mental destination
Take me with you
We can discover so much more
203 · Aug 2018
Self Talk
Janna Aug 2018
The self talk in my head
Should be different I said
200 · Aug 2018
Eye Met You Once
Janna Aug 2018
My eyes meet
Yours
Your eyes meet
Eye meet pun wordplay Mine
Our souls connect
A brief second
You’re gone
With the rest of the crowd
- soulwriterj
161 · Mar 2019
Mystery Mind
Janna Mar 2019
Mind Reader,
Soul Seeker,
Hard Reacher,
No Sleeper,
Mystery Dreamer
Slow Reaper,
Blood Leacher
Grow Deeper,
Future Leader,
You still can't read my mind.
153 · Dec 2020
Christ in Me
Janna Dec 2020
Christ within
Only when I submit to Him
And flee from sin
Christ within
My all in all
Through all in all
He has seen
me through it all
Christ within
The only Way
The only Truth
The only Life
Worth it all
Christ within
My strength and my portion
My soul knows it well
My flesh still struggles
My spirit yearning
For more of Christ within.
Jesus Christ is the only One that saves and is the only One that can save. He is Perfect Peace, unsearchable Light, Yahweh, Mighty God, Lord and Saviour, Righteous Judge and King, the King of kings and Lord of lords, the Most High, Agape... and He love you and I more than we can ever comprehend.
149 · Mar 2019
Liberty.
Janna Mar 2019
Losing my Grip
Instant Flip
Bountiful the Field
Endless to Yield
Reminisce of Old
Truth Be Told
Yesterday was Gold
-soulwriterj
128 · Mar 2020
Wake up
Janna Mar 2020
Eyes closed
Mind awake
Hands tremble
Body cold
Lips apart
Tongue tied
Hair distraught
Heart delight
Feet grounded
Arms twisted
Nightmare or dream
I can't tell
Please
Wake up
125 · Mar 2020
He called my name.
Janna Mar 2020
Do you ever feel like,
Not just the walls,
but the world is closing in?
In on you
No one understands
Not a single living soul
Will listen to the hideous thoughts
Sounding in your head
Not a single living soul
Will understand what your heart
Needs to say
So you let the world close in on you
You let the walls come crumbling down
You let yourself curl into a ball
You let the music be your only muse
You let your bed be your only comfort
You let sleep be your only escape

But I know there is more
Rational calls my name
Shakes my slumped shoulders
Tells me I am better than this
Reminds me, God hears
My conflicted soul
Will only last a little while longer
And a little while more
I will be okay
I will be safe
All is forgiven
Conscience clear
Repentance heard
God is good
He made a way
Jesus is His name.
97 · Mar 2020
Cold
Janna Mar 2020
cold, hard heart
rock, cold hard heart
the warmth emitted
last night
from our bodies
side by side
did not last
this dewy morning
cold, hard heart
rock, cold hard heart
i feel nothing
grasping superficial
escaping my repression
silencing my conscience
resulting in rebellion
cold, hard heart
rock, cold hard heart.

— The End —