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You know, I’ve been staring at my screen for a while now
Thinking of what to write, Trying to put it all together
I thought of all these ways to tell you this but you see I don't have the words and I don't take that lightly because I am someone who is usually good with words.
I usually know what to say but here I am sitting in front of a blank screen trying to figure out what words to put together.  
Truth be told, I don't understand what I'm feeling,
Its like I’m sad and happy at the same time.
I’m simple but god I’m a big mess
I’m quiet but my thoughts are loud as ever
I dont know what this is.
Its like I’m everything and nothing all at once.
I wanna say so much I just don't know where to start,
So I guess I’m going to end with saying nothing at all.
I seriously have no idea what to say.
I can picture you with her,
holding hands in a cold winter night.
Don’t you remember how you held me so tight
I can see us breaking walls,
trying to push through it all.
Don’t you remember our first last kiss,
it was back then in the fall.
I can forgive all the times,
you kept me up at night
waiting for you to miss your flight.
Could’ve sworn you were my white knight.
It’s called falling in love for a reason.
You take a leap of faith and jump, hoping you’ll end up on two feet.
After all, hoping just leaves you disappointed
Cause no, you don’t remember the laughs and memories we made on our way to the ground.
When you live everyday in the shadow of what you had with him and he doesn’t even remember the love lost.
I promise you can have all of me,
all the broken i love you’s,
all the first last forever and always’ s.
You can have all the moments that never lasted
I still remember the love left behind
Don't try to figure me out,
just take me for what they’ve made of me,
Scars and bruises on a heart that gives no guarantee.
Heres all of me, all that I could be
And I hope it’ll be enough
Cause this is all that’s left of me.
What didn’t **** me, it never made me stronger. It’s supposed to but it didn’t. It made me build a wall so high that no one can climb it. This isn't being strong, being strong is when you can take risks and love freely. This is being afraid, afraid of the lessons you failed to learn.
When I see you again I’ll be sure to make it worth your while
Show you what you missed, what you failed to see time after time
And then you’ll wish you could take it all back
To those nights I held you close,
but baby you made your choice.
When you see me again,
don't look my way,
dont bother to say,
all the things that slipped away.
And I’ll be seeing you again,
you’ll carry me with you,
But that’s not something I’m used to.
Please understand if someday you happen to see me, don't bother saying hello.
thy quill is kept working hard every day
no slacking shall ever be permitted
word after word one places in array
thy many pages are suited and fitted
labor on quill take not a small timeout
much idling will result in nothingness
one furrows the field for the finest sprout
the purpose must be in gaining fullness
slogging till end of day doth come around
putting thy quill to it's maximum toll
a solid outcome shall surely abound
as the evening sun is seen to roll
oh what deserving tidings thy quill brings
toiling at all it's poetic offerings
a thin pencil line
of light was seen to the west
as day came to end
 Nov 2013 soul in torment
Helen
before you start reading, please not that the Barbie in this poem is not the registered trademark that is the Barbie doll (all is revealed in the notes)*

When Barbie wakes up in the morning
Even the birds stop chirping in fright
She makes her way to the wardrobe knowing
What is inside will start the day right

First to be donned is her barbarian bra
It takes quite a task to fill
She really is ever so grateful for her bra
It keeps all the best bits subdued and still

The bras must always go on first
Without it she would be in trouble
If the briefs went on first without the bra
To this day she’d still be bent over double

Next on are the bountiful bootylicious briefs
She worries that they may have shrunk
Mayhap she should stop putting them in the dryer
They are essential to keep all her junk in her trunk

Over the top of the barbarian bra
Goes a sweater with the deepest V neck you’ll find
The cleavage that is on display is important
It keeps the focus from straying to her behind

On go the boots and laced up tight
These babies were made for walking
But most days they are just for comfort
Unless she’s up for some stalking

Last of all on her perfectly coiffed head
She settles her beautiful hat
It looks a little like a large table umbrella
In fact, once upon a time, it was actually that!

She’s now ready to start her day
And the birds resume chirping like a choir
Barbie is ready to face the world dressed in her
Barbarian Bra and Bountiful Bootylicious Briefs and
Other Amazing Attire
in a now defunct (but never forgotten) online community that I was a member of I was known as barbieclone (barbie or babs for short) We used to have so much fun and I was forever being asked to just 'throw out a poem' usually I'd only have a couple of minutes to write it but it was the best fun ever.... this is a long forgotten piece of fun, dusted off to live again ;)
i want to be dead
but suicide seems too dramatic
i want to be forgotten
in death as much as in life
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