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604 · 1d
heaven
some people find heaven in
a smell, a taste or a sound
i found heaven in
you,
my love
582 · Jun 6
heart
my heart doesn't have to be aesthetically pleasing to you,
you have no idea what it's been through
497 · Jul 12
graffiti
mila splawska Jul 12
i knew you did graffiti
i guess i didn’t know how much
that is until you left me
and there were marks all over my heart
422 · Jun 16
calm? tw
mila splawska Jun 16
and all you’d tell me was that you loved me and that i better not let anyone tell me any different
and then suddenly your hands were cold, your expression dangerously indifferent
and when i finally tore your fingers from your palm
i saw the blood and the blade and a note labeled
at least now im
calm
331 · Jul 16
fight or flight
mila splawska Jul 16
“she slept at his last night”
i can’t deal with the feeling
that fills even
my fingertips with pangs of pain  
fight or flight?

“oh ok”

i choose neither, there’s nothing i can do
313 · Jun 10
pain
mila splawska Jun 10
the people with the most pain
give the most love because
they know how much others need it
270 · Jun 1
life-line
it breaks my heart to see you,
with such a sad look on your face,
but at least you're being true,
and you're doing it with grace.
one day, you will be fine
and that's enough for me,
i'm throwing you a life-line
praying it doesn't get lost at sea
- (i hope it falls right into your hands)
259 · Jul 12
precious metals
mila splawska Jul 12
you always said it was as though
gold dripped from
my lips
and
my eyes
were laced with silver
i guess you found
something more valuable than
precious metals
- i was not enough for you
246 · 5d
??
??
i cant give you what you need
since im too far away
please dont find it elsewhere, see
i will never sway
mila splawska Jul 18
i imagine you kissing her
and i am filled with dread
i imagine you ******* her
and i wish i was dead
242 · Aug 10
17
mila splawska Aug 10
17
he tried to **** himself
wanted to take his own life
but when i look at him
i really can’t see why
his smile is the only thing
that can bring me peace
his laugh makes my ears ring
his voice convinces my tears to cease
he is the most beautiful thing,
that i have ever seen
if only he'd believe that
it'd help him make it to seventeen
232 · Jun 2
if only
if my words could fix your pain,
i would write a novel long enough to fill an entire library
and speak until my voice just stopped
if my hugs could ease your sadness,
i would hug you until my arms were too weak (or you pushed me away)
if my love could make you smile,
i would love to the ends of the earth,
and if i knew how to help you,
i swear to god i would.
201 · Jun 13
climb
mila splawska Jun 13
the boy is sad, they said
i know, i answered:
“the world wants him dead”
“i’m fine,” he’ll yell when we banter
though he knows i know he’s lying
he grew up thinking that to matter
you couldn’t show anyone your crying
and so when he’s sad, he climbs a ladder
and never promises that he’ll climb back down
199 · Jul 18
i am weak for you
mila splawska Jul 18
i want you
i need you
your messy cigarette- smelling hair
your aura, the way you just don’t care
the dark, thick clothes you wear
the drinks you down when you feel you belong nowhere

maybe it’s because i think i can save you?
even though i know i won’t ever be able to change you

you’re dangerous, a little lethal
and i am weak for you
mila splawska Jul 29
i run purely on coffee and thoughts of you
- i hope you know
171 · Jul 18
you changed
mila splawska Jul 18
you changed
and
i no longer know how to love you
162 · Jul 18
the smell of you
mila splawska Jul 18
the smell of you lingers
but only for so long
i wish it’d stay forever
suddenly





                                  it’s gone
160 · Jul 28
beautiful people
mila splawska Jul 28
all of the most beautiful people i know are
torn
scarred
and
tattered.
and though they wear their
shatters as
accessories,
most no longer
ashamed.
it kills me to think of
what they
must have
been through.
all those negotiations with the devil,
it kills me to think
what did they lose?
147 · Jul 8
i am ill
i am physically ill at the thought of hurting you
- i was too scared to love you
139 · Jun 4
read in rythym
she used to be a child, waiting patiently for your love
she sat and read and wondered, counting stars above
you promised her you'd get there, as soon as you could
so she laid and waited, making warmth with fire and wood
when you finally stumbled into, her warm welcoming abode
she was a little angry, though she wouldn't let you know
you sat down there beside her, as the fire began to dim
she looked at you and pondered, "why do you always leave me on a whim?"
you shrugged and said: "i'm trying," she seemed satisfied enough
she turned, head on her pillow, and refrained from yelling 'bluff'
in the morning when you wakened, the sun was way up high
and on the wooden table, a note, scribbled with goodbye
she used to be a child, waiting patiently for your call
but now she is an avalanche, and you should run before she falls
she'll bury you with no remorse, in icy, snowy mist
and on your lying lips, she'll plant you one last kiss
and you will freeze forever, under icicles of tears
all because you couldn't, be there to love your dear
uwu
137 · Jul 11
pt 1 cloying
mila splawska Jul 11
your fingers
          like straight sugar
                      felt good at first
                                but the taste lingers
                                         a little bit to long
                                                  you do not realize you
                                                         are doing something wrong
i fall so sick
       a little too sweet
             - i never said
you could touch me
i used to think of lights and happy and comfort when i thought of you
but now you remind me of
storms in the soul
hollow eyes
empty hearts
you remind me of
cold lips on mine
your emotions far in the distance, while mine raced through me
you remind me of my energy falling to the floor
you remind me of wanting to cry but being too tired.
when you let me down, after building me up
when you let me fall in love, only to let go and watch me crash into the unforgiving ground.
which was almost an improvement, almost an IMPROVEMENT, from being in your uneasy hold, too weak, too fickle.
i thought i had finally found shoulders sturdy enough to cry on.
eyes brave enough to stay locked on mine when i broke down.
and now i am bracing myself for my final fall
for when it finally hits me that you do not care.
125 · Jun 17
the woman of riddles
mila splawska Jun 17
i’ll be ok
if i just stay here,
i can stop the tears
i won’t move, i won’t stand
please don’t offer me your hand
i cant take it right now
i am in the middle
of an important battle
with the woman of riddles  
i can hear her rattle
inside my maze of a mind
right now i am breathing  
but she isn’t always so kind
i told him my head was heavy
i couldn’t think, my legs shook
i told him i wasn’t ready
his lips on mine, i couldn’t look
his hands roamed under my shirt
he bit my lower lip, pain radiated
i was as meaningless as dirt
his hands on my thighs, his hunger still not satiated
he tried to slip his fingers into my pants
i pulled away, pushing him into the seat
and moving over i said “i can’t”
“why?” he asked, “i’m feeling the heat.”
i layed quietly, hands shaking still
he came over, climbing on top of me
“i’m going to leave,” i said, “i will”
“why?” he wondered, “just wait and see.”
i tried to sit up, but his weight was too much
he slipped his hand down again, this time over the fabric
i set my hands down as a crutch, tried to push myself up
my stomach turning, my whole body sick
i tried to fight it and yet i couldn’t
what if he decided he no longer liked me?
i wanted to leave but felt as though i shouldn’t
what if he yelled or hit me?
i was too afraid to go, for what if i lost his approval? why did i need it though? if all he wanted was removal?
of my pants and my shirt and maybe my soul too?
why not just throw that in there, to be sure i was through?
wrote  this   some.  time ago
mila splawska Jul 12
i don’t know how to get rid of the sensation of your hand in mine.
how do you throw up the way someone made you feel?
120 · Jul 8
:(
:(
i stand in awe
of my ability to break others
i have broken my every law
and left so many rubbles
i have begged, as you did me, stay
i myself have been broken
knawed at, eaten away
from a fairytale, you were woken
- by my frozen fingers
112 · Jun 17
no cap
mila splawska Jun 17
your mouth is just a canvas for your lies
your hands just vessels to commit your crimes
and i was just a waste of your time
111 · Aug 10
tears
mila splawska Aug 10
how many tears do i have to shed before i die of dehydration?
109 · Jun 6
i was your aesthetic
i was your aesthetic, you wanted to wear me all around
you wore me out of the house, and later threw me on the ground
in your empty room, heated rapidly by the sun
and then you forgot about me, and now my soul is gone
evaporated into the musty air,
all because you didn't care
i wasn't always pretty, sometimes my colors would fade
i was your aesthetic, but that doesn't mean i was yours to manipulate
104 · 7d
untitled
i see myself in the mirror
and no matter how hard i try
i can not romanticize the terror
that floods my body
not good enough
not thin enough
not pretty enough
the voices scream
i smile
(somebody save me)
101 · Jun 2
how do i tell you?
i can't explain how i feel
numb simply doesn't suffice
just watch me trip and reel
while the world re-rolls its dice
when can i go home?
or just back to bed?
i can no longer roam,
my demons need to be fed
i feel like a lot of people have similar feelings, but nobody seems to talk about them.
no need to worry about me, im feeling quite ok right now.
i wrote this a while ago,
just drawing from old emotion.
100 · Jun 21
no matter what
mila splawska Jun 21
people always say they’ll love me no matter what and then they always leave
i know you’ll end up leaving too
but please assure me,
no matter what
i still need to hear those words
no matter how much it will later burn
lie to me,
you(‘ll) owe me that.
98 · Aug 10
ecstasy
mila splawska Aug 10
the ecstasy i felt
when your hands ran over my bare skin
was the same as
the ecstasy i felt
when you accepted all my sins
(i think this is how it's supposed to be)
97 · Jun 2
friends
“Friends?” I asked, looking over at him.
“Always,” he answered.
It’s been weeks since we’ve spoken.
He never checks in.
He barely looks at me.
I’ve forgotten what it feels like to talk to him.
He’s in love with a new girl.
I still want to cry every time I see him.
It hurts.
I miss him.
He doesn’t seem to miss me.
I’m angry.
It hurts.
“Friends?” I asked, looking over at him.
“Always,” he answered.
And right then, my heart broke.
93 · Jul 17
23 seconds
mila splawska Jul 17
and in those 23 seconds
i could not breath or think or speak
astounded with my inability to be
ok without you
i’m suspended in time
trying to change reality
you left me
and i have no more words for you
except to say
i imagined fashioning my pain into some sort of weapon
but only for those 23 seconds
and then i recalled that
i still love you
and i could never hurt you
oh but how i want to
90 · Jun 1
clear skies
your eyes are made of oceans
your heart is made of gold
you're going through the motions
but you carry far too much to hold
when rain falls from your clouds
showering down from your stormy eyes
you mustn't hide them in thick shrouds,
or pretend you have clear skies
you shouldn't ever be ashamed,
for they are just proof of your fight
- (i have my own raindrops too, i just don't allow them to be seen, amongst big crowds and loud, i hide them in my drink)
what did i possibly find in myself that i yearned so deeply to change?
my eyes were bright and happy,
my smile nothing strange.
but from the depths of darkness,
came the monsters of my mind,
telling me that to be beautiful,
i had to ignore the signs
of brittle hair and an aching heart.

to be beautiful
i had to miss the mornings, days and nights
when hate wasn't setting me alight

i wonder if i could've stopped
the monsters of my mind?
i guess it's a little too late now,
for to them i have resigned.
84 · Jun 2
red
red
red drips from my hips
my stomach, my thighs
tears drip down my lips,
as others fall from my eyes.
while you sit there wondering
why i'm always so sad
i'm sitting here bleeding,
but i don't think its that bad.
83 · Aug 10
on this heart of mine
mila splawska Aug 10
you changed my life in no time
and i'll never be the same
i miss you more than i
care to share  
and i want you every day
you are the stars in the night sky
when the rest of the world is dark
i like you, i love you, i need you
you've really left your mark
(on this heart of mine)
80 · Jun 2
numb and on fire
the worst feeling isn't sadness
the worst feeling is nothing
if you're sad at least you know that
you're still alive
that you're still human

the worst way to be is to not know how you are
to not be able to sort your thoughts
or put your finger on a specific mood

to feel utter nothingness

is true pain
pain without feeling
numb and on fire
all at once
77 · Jun 2
goodbye
it's all kind of starting to fall apart again
i built my brick walls and they're starting to crumble
i'm screaming for help but you only hear a mumble
it's all coming back again
the deep dark, the dead cold
i'm inside, in the warmth
but inside is where it's cold
do you still want to help me?
you said you really did
i tried to look for you but you went and hid
do you even know me? can you see my pain?
i think that you're blinded by the never-ending rain
the rain of my tears, the rain of your own
the rain from the sky, the lightning, the thunder
so i'll just say goodbye.
there is a storm raging on in my head,
i can breathe and cry, but all i see is red,
i do hate to say this, but i wish i was dead
there, it's only the truth and it's finally been said,
you can yell all you want to, but one thing won't change:
i am breathing while crying, and all i see is red
- there is a storm raging on in my head
keep fighting, you'll get through it
emotions are so fluid, don't act impulsively when you're feeling low
be safe, my heart goes out to you
70 · Jun 2
broken
i know that you're broken
only i am broken too,
i wanted to wade through the shattered pieces with you
and you wanted that
but only
because you thought i'd be good at it
not because you wanted me
but i want(ed) you so much
67 · 7d
cold showers
you’re outside and hot
and dreaming of a freezing shower
you get inside and you can’t remember
why
you wanted it so much just then
and now not at all
i wonder if that’s what i am to you
a cold shower
that you no longer crave
(just leave me, i'll be fine)
64 · Jun 2
it wasn't for me
i'll give you my heart, and my soul too
so at least when i go, not all will be blue,
you can pretend im still there,
and remember this, please,
i held on as long as i dared,
and i didn't do it for me.
i wrote this in a pretty dark place but im still here & breathing.
i love you all, don't give up.
62 · Jun 6
shadow
you used to be my shade
protecting me from harmful rays
you used to hold me tightly
when the wind blew more than lightly
you taught me how to lay
and do nothing but beg you to stay
your words were pretty, but always shallow
you used to be my shade
and now you are my shadow
55 · Jun 2
if i said...
if i said i miss you
would you drop your life and just run back?
if i said i'd kiss you
passionately as if you hadn't hung me on a rack
if i said 'i'm sorry'
even though we all know it was your lack
of love to give
would you drop your life and just run back?
54 · Jul 8
i fucked up again
my hands were not fit to hold your heart
- and for that, i will never be done saying sorry
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