Remember Me in the days of your youth
before the days of trouble come
and the time arrives when you will say
you don’t want to live
anymore.

When the sun and its light
and the moon and its stars
grow dark
and the clouds return after the rain;

                                                     I love you.

When the keepers tremble
and the strong ones fall
when fear reigns in the hearts of men
and those looking through the windows give up;

                                                     I love you.

When the doors are closed
and there’s no way out,
when morning dawns
but the birds’ songs fade;

                                I love you.

When mountains fall
into the heart of the sea
and its waters quake and foam
and the earth shakes with their surging,

                            I love you.

When danger lurks around every corner
and passions no longer burn
and you watch helplessly as the ones you love
make their beds in the blackest hole

                  I love you.

When the dust returns to where it came from,
and the spirit returns to the One who gave it
and your flesh fails you
and your sight grows dim
and all hope is lost
and there is no one there

Remember,
I love you.

Is there a word for the way the heart aches,
the way it longs to be filled,
but nothing on earth will suffice?

Is there a word for that hole
inside
gnawing slowly
then spitting back that
disgusting, chewed up mess
you call a self?

Is there a word for the way you try
to hide the beast inside
and you try so hard
then just watch yourself fall apart?

Is there a word for the feeling
of your soul being one, big
mass of tangled yarn
and you just can't seem to undo the knots?

Is there a word for pain
real pain
the kind that has used up every tear you've got,
is there a word for that pain?

Who knows?
But then again,

Is there a word for the way
realization hits you hard
in the gut
and shakes you by the shoulders
leaving you breathless and gasping?

Is there a word for the way
you hear a whisper in your spirit
that assures you of love
an unending
unfailing
unshakable
love?

Is there a word for that feeling
when you've been found
and are running back
into waiting, open arms?

Is there a word for when your
heart is being mended
and you feel whole
like you've never felt before,
is there a word for that joy?
and that peace?

Who knows?
Maybe someday,
but for now

be still, child.

be still.

The smell of earth
and moist clay,
kissing my senses
with a rose-petal feeling.


Sweat on my brow,
dirt on my cheek,
and soiled hands,
I live for this.


Molding,
pinching,
smoothening.
The imperfections
make you perfect.


Into the kiln,
and out.
Awake, creation of mine,
step out into the world.


I have molded you,
and formed you
with my own hands.


I know
your every little flaw.
Your strengths
and weaknesses.


I made you with care.
I designed you for a purpose,
a reason,
a calling.


I am the Potter,
and you are the clay.
You are the work of my hands.
Live like it.


Do not question me,
for you are exactly as I want you.
Do not look down on yourself,
you are mine and I love you.


Do not doubt.
I am not finished.
I am the Potter.
You are the clay.
You are mine and,
I love you.

at 5:45 am I
exhale shadows, rub ravens
from my eyes

light floods
demons flee
I am awakened

by morning's new mercies.

leaves falling, dancing.

red and gold dresses adorn

but soon comes the fade

I don't know if I'm too
focused on getting there
or how I'm getting there, but
I know that I
I should be
focused on
You

today you told me you loved the rain
and that the
way they raced down the tip of your nose and
tasted on your tongue
lit up your eyes.

why are you still wearing a raincoat?

****
it
up.

contrary to popular belief,
I realized I missed you when
we were finally right beside each other
giggling over Oliver Wood and
Ron's stubby nose.
I don't want to leave you again, but
I'd be lying if I said I'd stay forever.

Forgive me.

The little girl who tried.
The little girl who cried.
The little girl with a million failures.
The little girl who shed a million tears.
The little girl who lived in the shadows.
The little girl who loved the darkness.
The little girl who was lost.
The little girl who was scared.
The little girl who screamed.
The little girl who was confused.
The little girl who hated.
The little girl who didn’t understand.
The little girl who didn’t want to try anymore.
The little girl who wanted to give up.
The little girl who gave it one, last shot.
The little girl who lost.

That was the past.

The little girl is now
The young woman with the gigantic faith.
The young woman who laughs.
The young woman with a million victories.
The young woman with a million smiles.
The young woman who lives in the shadow…
Of the cross.
The young woman who loves the light.
The young woman who has been found.
The young woman who overcame her fear.
The young woman who laughs.
The young woman who knows.
The young woman who loves.
The young woman who is beginning to understand.
The young woman who will never stop trying.
The young woman who will never give up.
The young woman who won.
The young woman.
Me.

We were born into this world
Naked
Weak
Afraid
Cold
Starving
Crying
In need of saving
Don't you dare lie
Because you know it's the truth

We were born into this world
Unable to do anything
Alone
Hearts cold as stone
Barely even human
Wrapped in evil
Sinking in
Breathing in
Drowning in
Living in
Sin
And you know it's the truth.

We were born into this world
Falling short
Of the glory
And surely
Living but not alive
Seeing with closed eyes
Not knowing
Not even wanting
What we were truly needing

Healing from a healer
Love from a lover
Life from a reviver

Saving
From a savior.

Because if you look into
The deepest part of your soul
You will find
A child.
A broken, bleeding child
In need of rescue.

Because no matter what you say
No matter what you do
No matter what you think
Don't lie
Because you know it's the truth.
Child,
You don't know your hero
And heck,
You act like you don't need your hero
But, child,
Your hero already bled for you.

take a

deep

breath, and

stop.

are you sure

you want to

unlock this?

Donned a white dress today

With pearls and gold.

How long has it been?

Three hundred and sixty five

Since the day you went

Away, away, away.



Remember the painting

With colors born from rainwater?

Did you even get to see it

Before you went

Away, away, away?



Remember the letters

With heart-ink and tears?

Can you see them there,

In that place that is far

Away, away, away?



The place you are in,

The one that is

Away, away, away

Is actually

Here, here, and here.

My heart, and mind, and ears.

fear is like a heavy mist

a flower-choking ****.

a huge brick wall,

a pair of shackles,

the unknown waters.


fear is the red light,

the barrier only faith can break.

fear is poison,

the “do not” sign.


but the only “do not”

you should not not

is

.

.

.

fear

Remember that boy?
With a chemical smile?
That boy who lived
With each beat of
That patched-up thing he called a heart?


Remember that boy?
That boy who sold himself
For a price
That wasn't worth even a millionth of him?


That boy who pretended.
That boy who lied,
Cried,
And died.


That boy was birthed again.
He accepted the gift of grace
And
Went running into open arms.


Remember that boy?
Remember Ralph?


He came back home.
He's in Love now.
Everything's beautiful.

One day I will wake up
to a clear sky and no lies
breathing the air my grandfathers breathed
singing the songs my ancestors sang
speaking the language of the soil and trees
matching the movement of the great butanding*
proudly proclaiming the land from which I came
not fearing the taunts of the uncolored race
standing as one people
one tribe
one blood
I yearn for this day.
The day that
I wake up
in my Philippines.

i’m in the midst of lions.

i lie among ravenous beasts.

men who carry spears and arrows,

are all around me.


but i know i’ll be alright,

your hand is guiding me.

a thousand may fall at my side,

i’ll remain

untouched.

I am a selfish wretch
I like to hide all my pride
with words of life.
You see me smile
and you stay awhile
but you don't know
that this heart
is made of stone

I built my house
on sand
used the hammer of desire
made my own plans
now i'm head-deep in ruin
I know, I know,
should've seen it coming.
I blinded myself.

Be in my life
be in my heart
take my life
take my heart
change my life
change my heart
be in my life
be in my heart

Now I'm here in the deep
in the heart of the sea
with a flood around
me
all Your waves
all Your billows
just pass me
why am I safe?
how am I safe?
I look up
what saved me is
grace

Be in my life
be in my heart
take my life
take my heart
change my life
change my heart
be in my life
be in my heart

I am a gracechild
weak but not forsaken
I am a gracechild
struck down but not destroyed
I am a gracechild
persecuted, not abandoned
I am a gracechild
I am Your gracechild

Be in my life
be in my heart
take my life
take my heart
change my life
change my heart
be in my life
be in my heart

the ripe, red fruit he used to pick

from the tree in,

the garden he loved.



i remember.



his eyes.

still.

appearing lost

but

always watching me

from the distance.



i remember.



his smile.

no words.

just

the constant flashing of

a row of not-quite white teeth.

like unpolished pearls.

but pearls all the same.



i remember.



his old chess board.

and,

the way.

he

moved.

each.

piece.



i remember.



his hearty laugh,

when a joke was told,

or

when he just wanted

me to feel

loved.



i remember.



the way his body

looked.

before he turned into

ashes.



i remember.



when he was still breathing,

when he was still walking,

ever so slowly.



i remember.



the tears i shed,

my heart that bled,

when she told me he

had gone away,

never.

to.

come back.

again.



i remember.

for the boat:
wood.
the more fragrant the better.
maple, perhaps
but
pine
would do fine.
a sail.
of African cloth
and some oars with handles
made from gold-and-silver ladles.
pixie dust.
ten bags, at least
borrow some from Tink.
that would be simpler,
i think.
we're read-- oh!
i almost forgot.
don't leave behind your knapsack
and copper cooking ***.
you'll also need
an extra dose of courage
a tablespoonful of faith
two cups of questions
and a bucketful of dreams.
now, you're ready.
who needs a map?
destination:
anywhere
and
everywhere.
you have your boat
you have your dreams
impossible is not
what
impossible seems.

I missed this morning, I
had forgotten to bring along
extra fuel to keep me going, I
hope it never slips your mind to
retreat sometimes because everybody needs
something
to keep them
moving.

You keep me moving.

Ice cream bars

Tucked deep in her coat-pocket

They won’t melt.

She trudges on in the icy whiteness.


Crinch, crunch, crinch, crunch

Sound of snow

Being stomped on and crushed

Under boots so heavy.


“Mommy, are we there yet?”

The question lingers in the chilly air.

On they walk.


Gray sky, no clouds,

Howling winds and noses cold,

On they trudge.

Slippery,

Delicate,

Wanting.


These were the words that came out of your mouth.


Full of desire,

Hushed whispers,

Strange, yet

Familiar

Were your words.


Confused,

Comforted,

Naive.


That was me.


That was me.


Before I realized exactly who

Was planting those words so deceiving

Into my mind that was wandering far.


But then, you lost.

For He spoke Words into me, too.


Words that brought life.

Words that healed.

Words that promised.


Words

Unlike

Your words.


I scoff at you, coward.

At you and your poisoned, polished lies.

At you and your twisted symphonies.

At you and the empty oaths that once held me, fast.


I scoff at you.

maybe we've
all gone through the
exact same things only yours
was measured in cups while
mine was a teaspoon and a half.
I still have the right to feel.

a sudden slip
a gradual fall
did i see this coming?
not at all

don't slide too far
don't let go
break free from the dark
you're not alone

stretch out your hand
open your eyes
else soon they'll dance
to your demise

why do you
delight in gray
in things so worthless
they'll soon decay

why are you
conforming now
don't act of here
you're of the Crown

before you take
another step
search your heart
leave the depths

remember the Love
that brought you here
remember the promises
and do not fear

hold on to what is
strong and true
have faith, and trust
you'll find Him, too

boy in blue
awkward you
sitting there
hunchbacked in your wooden chair
not speaking
just watching
feet shuffling in your gray slippers
speak.
tell me your story.
tell me about your sister
i know her
but i don’t know you
loosen those strings
tell me about
the times you weren’t
a boy in blue
awkward you
speak.
tell me your story.
i’m listening.

He smiles
A nicotine-stained smile
And waltzes through life
Appearing carefree

But I know better.

He's in love
Pretending to be in Love.
Not quite in Love, though.

His weary and wandering soul
Restless.
Forever searching for Something more.

Is there Something more?

He tries finding it
In her touch
And her lipstick kisses.

It's not there, though.

He tries finding it
With each life-taking
Puff

It's not there, though.

Why can't he see
That what he needs
Is right beside him?

Why can't he see
The arms
That are extended and ready
To receive him?

Why?

Why, Ralph?

Why?

she thought she was alone.

what was once soft and sweet,

vanished.

instead came a dark cloud.


what was once beautiful and true,

vanished.

a broken heart and a twisted mind

came.

and.

stayed.


every teardrop was a waterfall.

the pieces were like shattered glass,

too little to pick up,

sharp.

and.

deadly.


she thought she was alone.

she didn’t see

the small, tiny,

flickering flame

that was there the whole time.


she thought she was alone.

she.

thought.

wrong.

silent flower opens its eyes,

silent flower against the moonlit sky.

silent flower steadily grows,

silent flower gleams and shines.

silent flower starts to fade,

silent flower is…

silent

invisible skylines
                                 and
sickly gasoline fumes


        nights like this
   arouse the dreamer
and send him sailing


a pity that he
                soon crashes into
                                                reality's iceberg

back to poisoned air
    and chemical skies

I'm halfway
out of the door, but
please don't
close it
just yet.

I seem to have forgotten my soul somewhere along the road. I am

Waiting for a miracle or
Any sign of starting over.
Never have I
Turned this sour in my insides or

This bland until every sense poured
Out a frighteningly large amount of nothing.

For my heart has never
Even tried to
Eradicate and
Let  go of

A person
Like you before
I
***** at the thought of
Erasing yet

Also at the thought of
Going
Away from your memory
I am losing the ability to make sense of things I really, really
Need to find myself soon.

words.


stringed up letters

carefully sewn

together.


powerful things.

they dance

on the tip of my tongue


words.


****

and

revive.


overflowing from

what's hidden

inside.


words.


build up

and tear

d

    o

        w

            n


sweet and stinging,

deadly and inviting.


words.


be careful, dear,

when forming these

on your lips.


watch out, dear,

for their unexpected

yet expected

effects.


choose them wisely, dear.


words.


choose them well, i say.

today I learned that
ships don't sail in if you're
not ready for them.
I'm sorry for leaving you behind.

Where has he gone?

That Gabriel I knew

The Gabriel who laughed

and teased with the stars in his eyes

The Gabriel who loved

being

himself


Where has he gone?

Somebody tell me

and when you find him

bring.

him.

back.

please.


Where has he gone?

away

he moved

away

made choices that

pushed him

away

from us

from Him


he's dying, I think

slowly

but he doesn't know

I tried to tell him

but

he brushed my words aside

and let them slip through his fingers


People change

but this

I hate the most.

The change that

breaks you

wrings you like a wet rag

and makes you ask yourself

Where has he gone?

Today, I just had
My first Christmas
Without you.

I seemed to float
Through the halls
And doorways,
Fighting back the tears.

It's funny how
You were not there,
Yet you were everywhere.

I saw you in every little corner,
In every little space
Of what was once your home.

I saw you in the garden
Admiring your trees.
I could smell your clothes
Before I even set foot in your room.

I felt you when
I drew near your chair.
The wooden chair.
Your favorite one.

You have no idea just how much
I wanted to spend this Christmas
With you.

You have no idea just how much
I want to be
With you.

But then,
I realized and remembered
One thing.

Today, you just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

I'd bet all the money in this world
That it was a wonderful Christmas
For you because,
You spent it with Him.

I bet when the angels sang
And danced,
You did, too,
Even though I know
You're not much of a dancer.

I bet your laugh
Sounded like silver bells.
I bet that
That one Christmas you spent up there
Was better than all the Christmases
You spent down here.

And that's alright.

Today, I just had
My first Christmas
Without you.

Today, you just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

And that's alright.

Your pain is gone.
And that's all that matters.

Today, I walked away
From your grave
With a somewhat
Lifted spirit
Knowing that
You just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

And that's all that matters.

i think
chickens can fly.
they've just forgotten how to.

i think
penguins can soar.
they just don't want to.

i think
dragons still exist.
they are just hiding.

i think
the dodos are still here.
they are just afraid.
afraid of other people
                other thoughts
                other words
                other cultures
                other beliefs

i think
you need to break out now.

cool and calm

a dream half-lived

everything

a still pond



the drops whisper

and play about

silently,

softly,

gently.



sssshhhhhh

light and steady

a sweet melody

pitter-patter

a sudden stop.



out comes gold.

they will all leave

one day.

why make friends?



they will betray

one day.

why trust?



you'll regret it

one day.

why love?



so much sorrow

these days.

why smile?



it will fail

i say.

why hope?



why?



because...



just because...



you need to learn

to live.

take heart.

be strong.

be still.


hold on to

that spark

they call hope


hold on

and

never.

let.

go.


familiarize your eyes

with freedom.


make your heart known

to all that is pleasing and pure


be strong and courageous.

it's not over yet.


take heart.


it's

not.

over.

yet.

“you have a purpose,”

he whispers gently to me.

his love means the world.

the rain falls
but I can't write.
the breeze calls
but I can't write.
the dawn sings
but I can't write.
everyone writes
but I can't write.
I can't.

I never thought that
being broken would
paralyze my poetry but

I'm healing.
I'm healing.

she twirled

she glided

she leaped

she spun

she kicked

she ran

she pointed

she smiled

she cried

she laughed

she sighed

she jumped

she flew

she moved

the warrior, falling, falling
in the midst of war
trying, failing
struck down on your hills
the mighty warriors, falling, falling
and the arms of war broken to bits
struggling, wanting to feel
the rush
the sweat
the joy
the heat of battle
training fingers and readying feet
we can't do it alone
we can't.
we need
You