It’s like that time we sat in a tree screaming our hearts out till we choked them up and onto our walls behind our eyes, and wiped the paint with our sleeves just like the way you used to look at me,
but what i didn’t know was that everything you were screaming was nothing but a lie. tongue tied and swollen cheeks
we’ve been pacing these circles for minutes and years your eyelashes fall from where mine used to be and for that
i can no longer see, because my protection is gone my eyes are no longer sealed because now it’s everything that’s infront of me.
you’re rearranging your mind while i pick apart my spine,
and it’s not that i don’t have a lot of time, because i love you, but you’re not you,
yet we’re both still here
with the same results,
i’ve got hatred and fear when i look at your collar bones,
so let my hate drip from my fingers and
let me pull my words back from your mouth and
stuff them into my frontal lobe tucked deep away in my cerebrum
because that’s
the only safe place to keep them.
you’re not you because you say you are, you’re not the you i grew to love and know
you are you, and you are what ever will be,
what could be, and what can be.
it’s okay that nobody knows who you used to be,
except if that nobody is me.
I’m so tired of sleeping in alcohol stained sheets with my
own shadow dancing ten feet away from me,
and i’m so tired of cleaning up your thoughts with mine, and combining them until you feel
something
that’s
real
i could pray to you, or pray for you, but i’m afraid that the minds trap is only casting me further and further from what
i could
be
not
you
but
me
and now all we have is the middle not the left or the right,
we’ve got no balance because
everything is on me, because
i
am nothing but your past,
because i am not a memory you’d like to keep
but you can’t cast me away like everything you once did,
because within my mind is the same as it was then.
because you’ll pack me up and put me away and hide me behind curtains and under bed sheets, but I’ve still got your heart on my sleeve taken away from the wall where it used to be,
where our tree was cut down, and we no longer choke, but why can’t i breathe?
these days i want to tell people about the music that would come out of your mouth instead of words and how your eyes would change colors depending on our moods,
i want to tell people but,
nobody knows that you used to call me baby and
tell me i was beautiful and always would be,
and the thoughts sometimes still serenade me.
and rock me to sleep and lead me to an almost nothingness sleep,
but a nightmare and sweat soaked sheets and,
screaming voices echoing my pillow cases and
left with nothing but what my mind has played out for me to believe.