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 Nov 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
Her lipstick's the same red as the car she crashed into that ditch. And you can't help thinking her whole head is a car wreck. You have a fleeting thought you wish she'd die in an accident. You try not to think about it. Sometimes you take the detour to ride past her skid marks. And sometimes you want to make your own right there.
 Oct 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
 Oct 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
Why was leaving me as easy and ugly as taking off velcro shoes. It made that tearing noise too. I don't feel so good. I lost my appetite. She said leave me alone and my heart sped up and then it flat lined. I keep telling my dog I'm clairvoyant. That I always knew I'd end up this disappointed. Gutted. Just like a fish. Just as messy, not so tragic.
My first poem since july, yikes.
 Jul 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
 Jul 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
your per
 looms in every room
she writes apologies with sharpie on her skin
holds promises in place with bobby pins
licks the flavored chapstick from her lips
leaves indents of nails in her closed fists
her hair is still wrapped around the teeth of my comb
our outline pressed into the memory foam
Turn left at this light and it'll take me home
Take me home
and if home is where the heart is
then why do I feel so alone
(the second I can't smell your sickly sweet cologne?)
I wrote this in 2015 donut judge
 Jul 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
 Jul 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
You know it's bad when you start reading through the personal column and craigslist ads. No first date to the movies, he showed up in a suit to a house party.

  Someone keyed a sad face into the side of your car. You should stop breaking hearts. I heard you like games, so let's play hide and seek with our feelings! I think I'd go out all night with a flashlight just to find out if you've missed me. Sometimes I have half a mind to file a missing person report but god knows where you've been and the authorities always come up short.
And I'm awful sorry that it happened like this but I deserve better than a sloppy first kiss
 Jul 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
 Jul 2017 CNM
Maia Vasconez
she said stop hanging onto people by threads. guess id just rather have stitches than lose another friend. when nobody loved me i lost my head. please dont do that to me again. please dont do that to me again.
 Dec 2016 CNM
Maia Vasconez
 Dec 2016 CNM
Maia Vasconez
This is your fault isn't it. You are why I can't feel nice things. I'm the victim in this situation. I see my perpetrator in him.
 Dec 2016 CNM
blue slip
 Dec 2016 CNM
i wasn't a normal kid
and it wasn't easy to hide,

no pretty little princess night light
fastened to a peach wall
in a brick house

i watched the street lights flicker
through a gap in the blinds,
talking to you in my head

"i hope your hands are still soft
i hope your teeth are still crooked
i hope you follow the street lights,
count your way to my house,
and sleep beside me
in my bed"

i left the window open
in the winter
cause i thought
you were the wind

the cold kept me up
and i liked it cause
i was afraid
of the pictures in my head
when sleep left me
out of control

i never liked
losing control

one foot
in front of the other
always coaching
myself in my head
about things that
hardly mattered

12 years small,
afraid of mistakes
afraid of rejection
afraid of death
and friendship
and grief
and loving

falling asleep at school the next day
chipping my front tooth
on a ceramic desk,
and holding my breath

i never cried
in occupied spaces

i never asked for help

i never said,
"something's not right"
even though
those words lived
on the tip of my tongue
for years on end

they noticed the shadows under my eyes
but it was too late,
14 & poisoned
by loss and
guilt and
this growing fear
that made it
hard to speak
without my voice

no one knew
how to treat me
my mom didn't let me
lock doors
or wear long sleeves

when you hung yourself
the noose came after me

you were gone in minutes
i stayed gasping for air
and fighting
for years

i'm twenty-two now
and it's no miracle
i made it

i ******* scratched
at the roof of the coffin
you nailed me in
til my finger nails bled
and the wood split
just enough
for my lungs
to stop straining

you doomed me from
such a young age
i have trouble deciphering
where your death ends
and my personality begins

i am drenched in your blood
everything i touch is tainted
by the memory of your brother's
shaky voice through a landline receiver

i can't take a ******* shower,
open a letter,
tie my shoes,
brew a coffee,
say a word,
skip a class,
put on lipstick,
for ****'s sake
without the weight
of your blue, cold body
cracking my chest

they pulled me out of
a seventh grade class room
to say,
"they took him off life support"

and i didn't ask questions
and i knew what that meant
and i fought back tears,
swallowed them,
this dry lump
in my throat
and i never spoke
of you again

i was so small

how could you

"we got a dud
i think she's broken"
i imagined those lines
dancing through my mom's mind

and i blinked hard
i cut deep
i stayed home
i stayed asleep

i wasn't a normal kid,
it wasn't easy to hide

defined by death
answering to your crimes

you took your life
but you may as well have
taken mine
 Dec 2016 CNM
Maia Vasconez
 Dec 2016 CNM
Maia Vasconez
So if you're gonna put a ******* gun to my head, put a gun to my head. I'd understand why you'd feel the need to do it. And if it's money you want, I keep cash in my socks.
        So take my jewelry. Come to my house, the doors aren't locked so you can ******* rob me. I'd take my arm off and hand it to you if you wanted it badly. You can use force or you can take it gently. And If you want to **** me for it, go ahead and **** me. I don't need anything more than you do. Be a parasite, take my food. Cut my bag open, spill the contents. You can have whatever's in my pockets. Be a vandal, defile me. Be a thief, steal my identity. You can ask or you can just take it. I'm unimportant, but take my soul if you think it's worth it.
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