someone once told me
the person you think of
when you stand in front of the ocean
is the person you're in love with
and now
i'm staring out over the endless blue
that mimics your eyes perfectly
and you're the only thought
running through my mind
but my insides are crashing
like the waves on the shore
and i want to take our memories
and drown them
beneath these hungry waves
where they can no longer
run through my mind
because why should i drown
in these thoughts
these distant memories
when i could drown them
in the chaos of this restless sea
where maybe then
i can finally be at peace

s.s

i could write books about you
novels solely of your existence
stories surrounding your being
but i wouldn’t dare
for the second i write it down
it becomes real
in black and white
right in front of me
staring back at me
and i can no longer pretend
that what i feel
isn’t real

s.s

i could tell you stories
of sweet little girls
holding the hands of boys
who make their hearts twirl
of boys bringing roses
to girls with sweet smiles
of couples that last
and walk down the aisle
or i could tell you the truth
the brutal reality
where love is cruel
and far from a fantasy

s.s

i truly do love you
that’s the hardest part of this
i feel guilty for what i'm thinking
for the blood stains on my wrist

you say you care about me
i don't know why i don’t believe it
you ask me how i'm doing
i’m doing worse, but won't admit it

i want better things for you
than the chaos in my mind
i’ve put you through too much
but for some reason, you've stayed all this time

my head is spinning
things are getting worse
i contemplate leaving
and this isn't a first

i don't tell you enough
how appreciated you are
life is tough
but you make it worth it by far

i’m doing my best to fight it
as my skin turns black and blue
but there’s one thing i can admit
i truly do love you

s.s