You are one
That I worship
Better than me
For I am nothing but a lowly servant

My arms reach to be in your presence
You outstretch yours to pull me up
You are above me even when I'm up
You still control me, you have me

I am at near your level
I have achieved you, yet I am not your equal
You are a nirvana that could not be reached
As I wrap my hands around you

My desire
My wish
My everything
My somniferum

You aren't real though
You never were
You were something that I created
In my imagination

I made you
Because I needed the myth
And I discovered
As bad as I want to
I can never make you real

When I look at myself
all I can see is
*******
arrogant
*****
I learned this from you

I taught you that nothing you ever did was good enough
not for you
or anyone else
You would never be enough

I take the words right out of your poem
Because they speak truth
I look back at what I did
with constant shame
That I could be so hateful toward someone that I cared about

I hope you don't think that what I taught you
is what love is
To **** someone completely dry
of everything they have
Until one has power over the other

I hope you know love is beautiful
and not something that you should fear
That it's to be wrapped in compassion and loving arms
Not pointing fingers and accusations

I'm sorry that you remember my anger
My ridiculous pleading for you to follow
impossible commands
I'm sorry that you remember my words
Those words were horrible
I always wish that I could change that

You are right, you owe me nothing
But I owe you something
I owe you an apology for everything I've done
For all the lies
For all the humiliation
For all the hateful words
And for all the times that I made you question your self worth

My only hope is that you can forgive me
but you have no reasons to because I can't even forgive myself
Sometimes it's so bad that I can't sleep
I've often thought about contacting you
and apologizing before but I heard you don't want to see me
So I try to keep it that way

I'm sorry you had to teach yourself to love who you are
You shouldn't have needed to do that
I'm glad you were strong enough to reassemble the pieces
I don't know if I could do that if someone did that to me

I also want to let you know something
That you were right about a lot of things
And that our current state is completely my fault
And to also thank you for trying to be my friend
Because I wouldn't have wanted to be my friend

Finally I want to let you know this
That you are completely right
You are beautiful
You are loveable
And you are worth a lot more of something than I'll ever be
No one will ever change that

I remembered every movie I've ever seen with you
I remembered every date I used to go on with you
Every restaurant
Every park
Every time we shared I remembered

Sometimes I wished I could have an eternal sunshine
But sometimes I wanted to hold on to the memories we made
Even though they tortured me daily
And I was left mostly of the memory of the day you left me

I was scared
Terrified
Every second of that day felt like a repeated stab to the stomach
And with each moment before it would fade I just wanted to keep it there
Then you told me and gutted me

My insides laid out before you
What I am truly laid out before you
And you turned around
And you left me

I told you that it was alright
That I can put myself back together
It wasn't the first time I've been cut open
It'd be easy to seal up the wound this time

But I can't
The wound is too deep
Parts of it my fault and part of it yours
It won't go back in

Now my insides are nothing
First they rotted
Then they disintegrated
Now all I am left with is nothing but hollow emptiness

I'm fading away
Fading fast
Hoping I won't disappear
Into nowhere

Girls and ***
Lust and regrets
Drugs and coke
Drinks and rage
Are some things that I sink into

The sin that I own
I pray for it to wash away
Only to get ***** again
I pray for it to wash away
Get *****
          Wash away
                               Get *****
                                                Wash away
                                                                      Get *****
                                                                                        Wash away
                                                                                  Get *****
                                                                              Wash away
                                                                     Get *****
                                                            Wash away
                                                    Get *****
                                         Wash away
                                      Get *****
                                                Wash away
                                                                  Get *****
                                                                           Wash away
                                                                       Get *****
                                                                   Wash away
                                                           Get *****
                                                                               Wash away
                                                                                                    Get *****
                                                                                                            Again
                                                                                                    And again
                                                                                              And again

Finally can't get clean
Can't stop
Each day gets messier and messier
Filth protrudes in my fingernails
Filth protrudes inside my body

I don't want to get clean
I want to be messy
I want to be nasty
I want to be *****
I'm filthy and I love to be filthy
I feel sick
But I love it

I don't need saving
I don't need anybody or anything
I only need the filth
I can't live without the filth
I want to disappear in the filth
I want to go away in it

I sit in front of my computer
Looking at the blank screen in front of me
Waiting for God to create something for me
And put it in my head

I don't put an ounce of thought
I don't take the careful precision
That is necessary to write a decent poem
I just sit down and write whatever comes to my mind

And when that creativity comes
I mix it in with a little bit of confusing
Jumbles
And
Mispalled words
To throw others off
And attempt to be more effective by adding a bit of italic and bold
As well as add symbolism like a donkey licking the outer rim of my ****

Then when others ask about what I mean
I give some stupid answer
Or if I really want to sound smart
Just say it means nothing at all

Then the people reading my poems praise me
And call my work a masterpiece
And then they wonder why the next few things I put out is ****

She washed up to shore
By the guiding waves of the river
She was stiff she was cold
Like the deathly chills of winter

She just fell through
Didn't even make a sound
Just watched the life leave her
While she gave up and drowned

But she struggled before
And she flailed and she cried
She cried "Help me!"
And she cried "Save me!"
But the people, they passed
Watched her gasp and laugh
And they looked away
They had nothing to say

I saw the beast
Watch her from the hall
Thought she was easy
So he gave her a call

She did her hair and her make-up
Picked her up in his pickup truck
She didn't want to at all
But then she just gave up

But she struggled before
And she flailed and she cried
She cried "Help me!"
And she cried "Save me!"
But the people, they passed
Watched her gasp and laugh
And they looked away
They had nothing to say

From beginning they hit her
And they never let up
She always tried to run
But couldn't and she was stuck

They held her down
Put a blow-torch near her face
And they taught her a lesson
Put her in her place

But she struggled before
And she flailed and she cried
She cried "Help me!"
And she cried "Save me!"
But the people, they passed
Watched her gasp and laugh
And they looked away
They had nothing to say
She threw herself away
So they'd have something to say

This poem is stupid
It is idiotic
And makes no sense
More than likely
It is me tossing in my two cents
Into what I believe that love is

Honestly I don't see why we talk about what love is
Rather than what is does
If love didn't exist
This poem wouldn't exist
And therefore it would be nothing
But meaningless dribble that you wouldn't have checked out in the first place

Absolutely there is more to love
It's a fact, good ol' Paul said it best
But it still doesn't take away the logical stupidity of it
But maybe it's thanks to that stupidity that we are here in the first place
Maybe love is pointless, stupid, idiotic, and absolutely doesn't deserve to be here
But it's still here like us