Where do I belong on this scetchy line?

Laying here all I am aware of is a stomach
Singing in my room I imagine myself a perfect star
Getting ready for an event
all I see is flaws blinding my view of the mirror
Ready to go out and have fun I only feel confident
Walking with perfection passing me
and I feel like I'm a a grape in a box of raisins
I decide not to care how I look to others
Then I see a magazine shamming a beautiful woman

Someday I will find peace with myself

By then will I be skinny and beautiful?
Or will I be actually happy with the way I am?

Yesterday I held a ladybug in my hand

Picked it up from where it was,
vulnerable on the floor of the church

The music around seemed to fade away
as I stared at the little ladybug,
hoping it was alive

It didn't move but I held it in my hand still
as I prayed that someday live would work out
praying that God would be there to hold me when times got tough.

And that little ladybug started moving in my hand
Safe from foreign feet that would **** it.

I know this is silly

But I saw myself in that ladybug.

I am this little vulnerable creature
Yet God holds me in the palm of His hand.  

And I know...

I

Am

Safe

I saw the letters

that you tried to hide from me

infact... We all did.

I want to scream at all the people
who pushed me down
I want to yell in their faces
for making me hate myself
I shouldn't want to
**** myself
my only pleasure shouldn't be
in the form of a metal blade
that's wrong it's ****** up
I want to scream at everyone
who said I was ugly
im not happy with myself no
but some girls want my curves
some guys stare at me
I want to yell in the faces of
those who call me fat ugly short
I don't need your crap
I want to want myself
I want to be loved
I want that so bad
                                                        sometimes
                                      I think maybe someone
                                          will ask me out
                                                      on valentines day
                                       sometimes I think
                                                it might happen
but it won't
and that's life
im me and I
do still think
of suicide
but I also
want to be
happy

be direct
    direct me
ask me
   i will create anything it is
in my power
   to create for you
i will break anything for you
that needs to be broken

al green said
  no one told us about the sorrow
well, no one told me about today
no one told me about tomorrow

if asking were my strength
  this deadly blind balance
would not be my act

answering
   l o v e...
i can answer
i can *answer