Here is an apology
For each tear, every cut on your heart
And everything you feel you deserve one for
But never got.

Here is that apology which couldn’t reach you before
For your lost years, or lost months, or lost weeks
For the sound your bones make when you pull up from a non-sleep
To join another meaningless chase.
For the voice that no more chokes
On hearing, or saying, the word sorry
For your uncontrollable sobs of yesteryear
The memories of which you’ve swept under your chest
To be crushed by the burden of this same meaningless chase we know nothing about.

I cannot mend what is lost
I cannot even change what got wasted but I can hope
And I do. I hope for peace to find you and provide you with just as more strength as you need
Just more strength, as always,
Until you become your hero.
Again. Only this time more truly.

With love.

So alone
so lost in this world of longing.
I can't breathe- oh how heavy my chest is,
how heavy my burden.
How can I shed my cloak?
Flee these tormenting shadows?
He was all I had.
He was my hope.
We built our dreams,
we built our future.
He knew my limits
and he threw it all away.

Shadows,
they are whats become of me-
fading from the sunlight,
melting into memory.

I had to think about things that I didn't want to think about
I had to force the words out of my mouth
I had to think about what had happened
who I was
who I didn't want to be

That girl I buried within me
dug herself up and took her first breath of fresh air
her skin pale and rough
having not seen the sun's glow in a while
I scream at her to crawl back but its done
She is exposed to the world and I can't go back
Every time she breathed, I died a little inside
My forced words encouraged her
She's trying to stand now and I'm suffocating

This is what I was afraid of
I didn't want this part of me alive
I wanted that girl I was to be buried deep
so I wouldn't have to see her
But here I am
I can see her
and the pain of remembering begins