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Feb 7 · 194
You left ?
You left but I was not ready.
I try to be there but I was not steady.
I failed you.
Dec 2018 · 160
Frozen in Time
Silence Screamz Dec 2018
Beat passed the abandoned houses and ranschackled shacks
Splinters on the floor, my toeless sock taps time with the rats

Do you hear their tiny feet dancing on the door mat?

The only pain I know is when I see  myself looking forward and then I look back

Back at the shadows on the wall,
this space is not meant for me at all.

I began crawling on my hands and knees, through the mud filled lies and suicidal cries, condemning you to
moments of frozen time.

But wait a minute. Is it all in my mind?
I dont know, hold on but now I feel fine.
Oct 2018 · 1.9k
Glorified Prison
Silence Screamz Oct 2018
The words I saw the other day on the bathroom stall read
"Glorified Prison"

MMMM, Cognitively thinking
to myself.
"This is my life"

In an instant flashback of
bent memories,
I thought about
the year
when
it all happened.
My heart started beating rapidly,
my brain collapsing,
My body drenched in sweat.
I was drowning.
Drowning inside a mental pool
and there was no life ring to save me.

I just stood there,
Mummified to the moment.
My eyes were glazed over as if I had glaucoma trying to stare
through a thick London fog.
Everything was disappearing
in front of me.
I saw it though, in my distant memory,
quickly flashing in front of me, like a shooting star across the sky,
then it was gone.

Gone to a place that I never recognized before.
A place that was out of some sort of bad dream.
That place. That brick house. Pitch black outside.
That kind of bad dream, "the worst kind of nightmare
that you can ever imagine"
and I couldn't wake up from it.
Make it go away!!
Please, Make it go Away!!
I am begging you.
STOP IT!!

His hands suffocating me,
but I could barely feel them
or hardly breathe, none the less.
Breathless in this moment.
I became to numb to my surroundings.
Trapped in my own seclusion
and by my own misdirection.
I was left wondering.

I had no idea what was going on.
Lost inside myself,
with unknown fear,
trapped inside that brick house
of malicious trepidation
and insidious manipulation.
I was being sexually violated
and I didn't know why
nor could I control it.

I was in a poisoned induced
coma of fear.
My mind was twisted
beyond reproach
as he continued his sadistic
and cruel usage of my body.
I was longer a human being,
I was just object for his enjoyment.

Escaping the insanity, I ran!!
Finally free or so I thought.
This mental torture has burdened
me for so long and has taken me down many diluted paths
of mistrust, misguidance
and internal, penalized
grief.
I am became lost unto myself.

I have grown to live inside
this Glorified Prison,
with no release date in site.
The torture that I was subjected to,
will never leave me.
So this prison has become solace.
It has also become my hell.
It is where I put on my shoes
and walk without fear but
it is also where I run away
from things.

Many times I begin to tremble when I think of
that nightmare.
It has become a seeded part of me.
It is who I am.
I am a survivor though.
One day I hope to be released
beyond the walls of this
glorified prison,
so I can finally be free.
I was sexually assaulted and relive the moments daily in my thoughts and dreams.  I was drugged at the time but remember coming to when it was happening.
Jul 2018 · 4.4k
A Tragic Piece of Me
Silence Screamz Jul 2018
Broken lines on subway walls, twisted dolls, and high noon cat calls
This is the way I see life
It is a micosm of our failed society,
with a beaten down view on stained glass, shattered on the empty church floor begging us to pray over a God that we can't see or touch.
Kneeling in front of the wooden church pews, with two bruised knees yelling out in pain our convictions into some sort of religious echo chamber of  somber and remorse
So, you want us to believe in what is real or what is not!!!
What is this so called life you speak of?
It sounds like a messed up Shakespeare tragedy
A sad tragedy that surrounds every living soul like some God forsaken circus freak dressed up ******* in a clown suit
A souless tragedy that beats down the door of our hearts then shreds it into tiny pieces, only to leave it on the ***** kitchen table to rot in front of us
Yes, that so called life
Its hard to imagine what I have seen
what I touched, or what I have felt inside
I cannot explain it in simple words, it's complicated
It's more bad than good, destitute and diluted, forgotten and then deleted
It has all become a tragic piece of me
Why? Because I live it every single day, every single minute, every single second and every single breathe
So, let that sink in. Just tragic in a way, tragically distorted mindless thoughts trapped in each one of us.
Jan 2018 · 378
Disaster is my Master
Silence Screamz Jan 2018
Disaster is my master
I've seen chaos in mediocre valleys
Murdered by my feet in the dark alleys,
I am a hazard

Cringing by the needles of the ****** addicts
Chicago is my town
With concrete giants towering
And city people behind dark windows cowering

But, stop right there

What is this disaster? I am speaking of
Down hard and fallen
The windy city government failure is only a small token

A token of no appreciations, comprehension, solitary explosions, or time stamp expirations.
So come to this city and see the real masters of deviation and drive by cancellations

You will see these people distant passed the time and places
With empty shoes, empty futures and empty faces
Please talk to the drunkards begging for another shot of gin with all together no more chances

This disaster is in front of you
Simple, solemn, messed up and confused
I beg you, don't walk past them and forget, you could be there too

I just don't want to see you downplayed, hungry or depraved.
Restrained, contained or in constant pain.
And Lord knows this revelation of what you want to be is only left outside under the constant rain
Nov 2017 · 542
Understand
Silence Screamz Nov 2017
This strife is unreal.
Take your time to conceal.

I can't see through your eyes of discontent.
What is this I am supposed to understand, but in a given universe.

Spare me the humility of your conscience.
Toss me down and **** my mind.
For you are the one I never sought.

I know how to walk alone, with no path or distant sword to guide me.
A cowardice mind drives the nails inside this infected wound around me.
Rusted and depleted.
I understand the solemn wisdom of each soul that bounces into my universe now.

I am lost in hope and dread.
For these are the remorses left to the undead raptures of time itself.
Left in a dark crypt.
It swallows me whole again.
Nothing left but dust on the floor and my desire to scream in a vacuum.
Nov 2017 · 405
Dreaming Maniac
Silence Screamz Nov 2017
I had a nightmare, swimming with a dark maniac. His eyes were cold as a Chicago winter and hhhiis dagger was as sharp as a razors edge. He just stood there.  ****** as a statue. Then I awoke, with him asleep next to me.
Jul 2017 · 564
Crystal Balls and Saline
Silence Screamz Jul 2017
Crystal ***** and saline
drifts away like microscopic mind beams
I stand before you
Symbolic and damaged dreams
Chasing cars, bars and lipsticked floosies
in a red light district back alley fling
But, hey
How do I see beyond this chaotic in fluid scene?

My footprints left in wet cement,
Stained with calloused bottoms while wondering in a state of casual descent.
I stopped and stared in the ***** puddles,
seeing my own reflection as it stared back at me with a few ***** secrets and absolutely no regrets

Time stopped on the crooked clock, smiles depleted over broken plates and a saline drip drops
I wonder, I wonder, as heartbeats pounds harder,
But oh how I just ponder. Ponder until the crystal ball  fractures and mentally I flounder.

The theater lights are on, flares of the night beckon my calling
Mystic Gypsies speak in tongue in tents around dampened spirits falling
Tamberines and junkies dance in unison,
Just stop and listen to the balling

Looking through the flowing tears with one last vision and plastic souverniers
I begin to think of simple things, many a far but too many near
The strangers of war start to follow me down the distorted paths of common torture
Only left with a broken crystal ball and saline drops in the distant future
Mar 2017 · 894
Haiku #2D
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
Dad, where did you go?
One more talk on the park bench
I long to see you
Mar 2017 · 614
Beat up
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
Calm down, walking down
Twisted stairs, I fall down
I see the sky as pale as my skin
with convolutions and drowned out confusions.
Acid rain drops fall on me like a water torture device pounding nervously on the side of my porous  head.

I got soaked up in the neighborhood with the angry sinners and no-good winners, beaten up by the losers, users and the black and blue bruisers
These angry streets bullied me into submission and called back promises it couldn't keep
Now it is time to stop walking backwards
Mar 2017 · 680
Bounce
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
Why do you have to take my only need?
Do I have to bleed down the river
for you to not see?
My corridors are filled with pain covered walls
and shock induced traumas.
Drowned emotions in cast iron tubs,
rust through my life
at the bottom of the ocean
I know not but temptation and contemplation,
it only bounces around inside
like a drug store explosion.

We start to walk down the
mirrored lined hallways the wrong way
I mean our eyes glare off
each other the wrong way.
I mean, "what in the **** am I trying to say?
You just don't get it, do you?
I mean, it goes right through you,
I think I may have a rusty
***** loose or maybe you do.

Your agony runs through my veins,
conversing memories, explaining nurseries and
even a midnight summer's *******.
So let me explain this to you,
in layman's terms,
the ****** broke a long
time ago..
but you seemed to have missed
your period and the point.
I know I am not only one,
I know about all the others.
I mean.
You bounced around those guy's  mattresses
like you are on some gymnastic's trampoline.
Then come home late at night
like a ninja, like I wouldn't even see.

I am not a blind man walking around with a stick,
the true sinister gaze you gave me
is like sinister maze inside my brain.
But I solved this 300 piece puzzle
that you left on the nook
and I didn't even have to open the book.
I think it is time
to close this unbridged chapter in my life
with no unadulterated bookmarks
and bounce around to the end
where I know the words
which will make me a whole lot happier
and much more content
The final chapter
Mar 2017 · 718
Haiku #1D
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
Fear the wind goodbye
Shoelace strings and rubber bands
Streetlights flicker dark
Mar 2017 · 579
Can We Talk?
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
Can we talk?

She said "Sure, give me a minute"

Wait a few seconds, that minute turned to ten,
Now one hour later,
She was ready to begin?

"What do you want to talk about?"
she yelled from
across the room.

Silence, I was sleeping.
But just then, she was about to hear the boom

So.......
She came at me like a wartime poet,
dropping bombs on my head like
I didn't even know it,
Ripped holes in my shirt
and I couldn't even sew it.
She busted rhymes in my mind
even CeLo couldn't own it.
Words flying so fast,
I coulda swore they were stolen.
She moved one step closer
and boom, I was falling.

Each time my mouth opened
I couldn't even answer,
Each word that I stut t t tered was
like lyrical cancer.
I ran around the room like
a Soul Train dancer.
Side stepping her questions
like I was her little **** prancer.
"*******, *****"
my words just got a little fancier.

Whoah!
"Who do you think you are,
are you done spitting it yet??"
You began this little battle,
but I'll be the one finishing it.
My words are louder than gunshots
Cuz, I'll be the one killing it.
I'll just turn my *** around
Cuz you'd be the
one kissing it.
This is only the beginning,
and I'm not finished dishing it

Shhhhit!!

She just broke in with a loud
"OH!! YOU DONE YOUR TIME"
So you can get on outta here with those wasted lyrics,
stupid rap, and busted rhymes.
This is my house, boy,
and you ain't living off this welfare dime.
Now, go cheat with some other hoes
and sip on their Boone's Farm strawberry wine.
Oh and one more thing, you might
want to call 9-1-1,

Cuz I am about to commit
****** on your *** and a misdemeanor crime.

See you were nothing to me
but my little, poor "boy toy"
and when I say "little" ..it wasn't
very much of joy joy.
The only time I got real excited and wet
was when you were walking out
my front door, door.
So, now carry your sorry ***
on over to your ex's house
cuz she was the real effin' *****, *****.

Oh, that 65" flat screen is mine, so is that X-Box,
touch one more ******* thing in here or I'll
double tap your ***
with the pair of my triple chromed 9mm hollow point custom made Hello Kitty Glocks.
Your time is up,
so say good bye once and for all
count it 1, 2, 3 or I'll punch your ******* clock.
Mar 2017 · 396
Caged
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
Why can I not just leave?
Throwing back bottles of alabaster promises
and sinister ill reprieves.
Caught up in a net of conjugal visits
of past murders, one way drifters, pathetic liars and ***** little thieves.
I am enamored by the poison that
is preached by your careless mind
and heartless sting.
Behind these bars trapped like an animal,
I am all caged up and so please set me free.
Why can't you just walk away ?
instead throwing your insults, your fists
and your sorry *** two faced pleas.

I have become rusty stained, completely drained,
and drop dead vaned.
Gray padded walls enclosed, thrown back hard
with these silly blue pills of
the mentally insaned.
You abused me, bruised me, used me,
and fused me, even God can't
take away my heart felt pain.
Now, stop trying to drive me home
on your *******
mental, abusive, *******, *******
son of *****, crazy train

Can you hear that now?
I believe it is starting to downpour rain.
and I'll say it again to your face many more times
"You are so ******* vain!!"

You think you are better than I am,
with your big, bad, masculine look.
Well here is today's news flash for ya,
Mr. "I Think I Know It All"
"YOU ARE ACTUALLY MUCH MORE WORSE!!"
Oh and one more thing,
Just saying, For Realz,
You are all just one big mouth
with a lot of
"Blah, blah, blah
and
Curse, Curse, Curse"
So you can just go back
to your mommy's house
on the other side town
and steal from her poor, meager purse

I will not be silenced by your idle, childish threats,
your *****, abrasive words no longer scare me
nor will they break down my outer or inner bricks.
My life is not your gambling table,
your poker table,  or your dinner table,
I am no longer willing take on
that deadly life risk.
I will unveil the real mask
of your cruel, ugly world,
so no other can feel the real pain
of your broken, nimble fists.
Grew up in an abusive household with 6 sisters, hated it
Mar 2017 · 735
Useless Souls
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
Sleep deprived dreaming.
You counted the shadows on the wall,
only to see that the real monster is still breathing.
You saw the red bricks drop inside suicidal minds,
only to hear the deaf people start screaming.
Tempers so loud, veins pulsating
around your neck, everyday words
have no meaning.

Just look at those rusted, old stop signs
with shot up bullet holes,
they sit on old, abused street corners near cardboard mansions of the tired and weary
and the $20 crack ******.
Your feet get red and blistered from pounding this
busted up pavement with worn out, useless soles.
You feel like you are standing softly with
a distant shovel digging up your own brittle bones.

This convoluted dream is all broken,
rotten inside spider web corridors,
empty alleyways with bicycles stolen.
You try and sleep with both eyes closed,
but the sun shines through the cracked
window panes
but it is not yet golden.
The loud whispers turned into silent screams,
can you hear me slowly falling?

I saw you beg for change on the corner
of  Western and North.
with your raggedy , torn clothes
and a lot of street sense survival.
You just held up your homemade cardboard
sign for some help, a home, and
Oh!! Thank the Lord,
your own street sense revival.
I saw the tall, gray, city people spit on you
and you just sat there
and read your raggedy, torn bible.

Why does this have to be?
People not caring for each other,
not loving each other, or not praying for peace.
So don't just walk by or drive by
and not give a ****,
like you don't really see.
Maybe that useless soul that stands on the street corner, in those raggedy, torn clothes,
is your mother, your father
your sister, your brother
or maybe it is just, just, just me.
Homelessness in this country is a sad problem. The average age of a homeless child on the streets is 13.
Mar 2017 · 349
Walk Home
Silence Screamz Mar 2017
The shadowy man followed me home
from Finnegan's Pub on 52nd St. last night.

This was first time I had ever saw him.
Feb 2017 · 558
Time to Dance
Silence Screamz Feb 2017
I'll take my time to dance
around this place I call the world.
A place to the many, the few, the rich,
the poor, the fallen and the cruel.

I'll dance a mini waltz across the fields
of the golden flow of wheat fields and drown into
the seas of the deep, as your little toe
only touches the surface of the cold water.

I'll catch each star that I see in the evening sky
while the other
stars wax the dance floor with
velvet memories of constant
tomorrows and melted dreams.

I'll sweep the musical notes
under the rug that plays
from the piano,
as it's  lyrical raindrops hit my heart
softly with countless bliss and
mindless thought.

I'll sift through the symphonies of time
as they cascade their 8 notes in a 2 second beat
off the balcony and then I'll bury their
melodies in my own backyard.

I'll dance with the strings of the harp
interlaced between my fingers
then kiss the reeds of the woodwinds
as they play their melancholy songs.

So please, I ask of you, give me one
more moment
on the dance floor
in this world and let the many, the few,
the poor, the fallen and the cruel dance with me.
Let us take up one more waltz together
Feb 2017 · 596
Medication Nightmare
Silence Screamz Feb 2017
Today, I fell into a medication nightmare,
because I don't know why, I really don't care
I DON'T GIVE A ****!!
But I did give a dare !

I lied to you about past aggressions,
deep recessions and loud obsessions.
These jagged little pills are in my possession.

I swallow them whole, one after another,
the red one, the blue one, sister or brother,
see you don't know me any more,
So just look away
and don't even bother

These pills are my family, my welcome mat.
They say "HI, how are you, would you like a drink with that?"
They greet me in the morning and kiss me before my evening nap!!

They take walks with me from the cup to the sink,
three minutes later, my mind stops to think,
I stumble around in lucid dreams,
and two seconds later, I dropped that drink.

Body numbed and pill jar emptied
This medication nightmare just reached out
and bit me.
I opened my eyes and could not see clearly,
and said to myself "What day is it, please?"
I am on some meds right now..thats making me have nightmares
Feb 2017 · 625
Mental Grenades
Silence Screamz Feb 2017
I slowly walk with grenades in each hand,
passed by exploding villages, broken fences
and timeless stances
Laundry stained on lines
with backyard dances.

Dropped bombs echoing the distance,
around corners, shattering windows,
flashbang, all clear,
bullets fly by barely missing us.

See these grenades, the ones I still hold tight,
wrapped up carefully, I can't unwind,
look at me mental
simple and blind.
I'll pull the silver pins all in due time.

Why do I have to walk alone?
Take a look around this place
and stare into the unknown,
I do not recognize this place at all,
this house of sorrow and senseless cold.
Jan 2017 · 453
Homage
Silence Screamz Jan 2017
I want to pay homage
to the busted streets and broken cottages,
where everyday people are destroyed
with lies and filthy promises.

You see, these are my streets
that I walked with my feet,
Brothers and sisters,
graffiti tagged and full of disease.

This is the place where I broke bones,
Layed down sidewalks full of racial undertones,
With guns ablazing and
suicides growing old.

Gang signs tagged on every street corner,
did you hear the gun shot?
Stop!!!
Yellin' loud I tried to warn ya

Mama, why does it always have to be?
I lost another brother here by my feet.
I am filled with emotions
now gone with deceit

God, Please stop this pain that
flows inside my veins,
the agony, the injury, the silence
the insane.

I can't continue one more step,
this place I call my home
has turned into a wreck.
Lives are destroyed, twisted and upset.

So, look around.
This is my neighborhood.
This is where I belong.
With the busted up sidewalks, I stand strong.

We can not turn back time,
we can only help correct lives.
So let's turn the pages people
and unite not divide.
My little piece of how I see this country right now.
Jan 2017 · 533
The Last Time on this Stage
Silence Screamz Jan 2017
This is a place of unequivocal cantor.
Where the true poets amuse their audience
from a broken, exploited stage of compassion and sympathy.

A simple stage, where many have fumbled, stumbled and even crumbled.

Just to get up and do it again.

Where many a simple poets have waited and waited, nervously on the sidelines of the underlit bar, waiting for their turn to trip their way up to this stage

Where many a simple poets rustled with each letter of each piece they wanted to perform, hoping they didn't crash and burn

Where a single, frightening stage light burned
holes into their souls as they stuttered
through the stanzas and verse of their careful crafted pieces of art.

Where they tripped their way up to that stage one last time, because they had one too many glasses of wine to drink just so they could spread their wings and fly

And fly they did.

This was the beginning.

Where it all started.

This is, also, where it ends.

A final moment.

This is the moment that can define a poet.

Where poets become human once again and the clock on the wall slowly ticks toward closing time.

So with one final sip of wine, one final piece of their heart, one final chapter of their life written and placed before you, I bid you ado.

This is it

Their last time on this stage and now they can go home.
A local place that does poetry events is closing down.
Jan 2017 · 314
Controlled
Silence Screamz Jan 2017
Why does my life have to be controlled
by the oppressive people in power?

Is it my words that hurt them?

Is it my clothes that hurt them?

Is it my thoughts that hurt them?

Is it my time that hurt them?

Do I need not follow society's idea of normalcy?

I say "**** No"

**** No to normalcy

**** No to the puppet masters that control me

I can walk on my own two feet, thank you

I, also, have
My own two hands to raise
My own two eyes to see
My own two ears to hear
My own mouth to speak
My own heart to pound

And my own perplexed mind to think

They all belong to me and not you.

If you try and squeeze me through the meat grinder of life, I will still be there.

If you want to understand me, just peel back the layers of my canvas and take a look.
Peel back my words.
Peel back my heart and mind.

This is where humanities lies for everyone.
See me for me
and I'll see you for you.

Do not try and control things that you will never understand.
Your oppressive ways will breed hate among the masses and guide all of us to being unjust.

So stop trying to control me

You will fail miserably

But if you continue,
It is I that will drop the bomb on you!!
Jan 2017 · 675
2:30 in the Afternoon
Silence Screamz Jan 2017
The funeral for this decorated soldier was a somber one.

A mother, dressed in all black, sat there with painful tears streaming down her reddened cheek and a father sat beside her in disbelief, his left arm laid across her shoulders, as he tried to comfort her.

A lost comrade taken by an enemy's bullet.

A lost brother taken by an enemy's bullet.

Our lost son taken by an enemy's bullet.

My heart had stopped briefly from each of the twenty one shots that rang out in the distance. Each shot danced echoes off my eardrums and the painful ache in my heart never seamed to stop.

His fellow comrades stood watch over his flag draped casket. Honoring him will a sharp, military salute just as Taps sounded from the bugler's horn.

The ripples of each note that was played sparked memories in my head of yesterday years and days gone.

The date was October 28, 1989. Our bundle of joy was born. It was 2:30 in the afternoon and the sun began to shine.

We became parents.

Time would never stop though.  Growing faster than the weeds in our own front yard. We learned to cherish each passing second and moment.

Through the terrible twos to the teenage years and finally out of the house... wow what happened?

We became older parents.

Then it changed. A proud moment. But a changing moment none the less.

Our son raised his right hand and he swore to defend the country against all enemies, foreign and domestic.  

His unit got deployed to a foreign country, shortly there after and we were still extremely proud.

On one chilly October, Saturday afternoon, two weeks before his 25th birthday, our lives would be  changed by one knock on our door. The dull sound of the rapping on our door is forever engraved into my head.

We knew what it meant and we both fell to our knees and wept.

The military chaplain spoke to us in a most peaceful tone, the following words, "On behalf of a grateful nation, I am sorry to inform you that your son was killed in action by an enemy's bullet"

The air became still and calm laid over us all.

At that  moment his casket was lowered into the ground and a folded flag was placed in our trembling hands.

Through the grayish clouds, one steady beam of sunlight came to rest on top of that folded flag and the time read 2:30 in the afternoon.
I was military honor guard my last three years in the military and those moments are forever embedded inside of me
Jan 2017 · 387
Teenage Bender
Silence Screamz Jan 2017
Pass me the bottle
to my youth,
because I am on another
******.

I think it all started
when I just 16.
My parents were gone.
The liquor cabinet was full
of 750ml bottles
of
of
Yes, AL CO HOL!!

One little sip
of the amber hue
colored liquid
wouldn't hurt,
Would it?
I sure hope not.
Because I was
Alco-curious.

Down the hatch the first shot went.
****!
Oh lord, it burned like hell
going down my throat.
My intestinal track
was screaming ****** ****** at me
to stop this insanity.
Then came the second and third and fourth shot.
And it tasted so so good.
Mmmm mmmm mmmmm

After a night spent
in a spinning room
of mystical illusions
and countless prayers
to the only porcelain God I knew,
I felt
like I needed more.

It all started on a Friday
and ended on Sunday.
The day in which prayers
to all the gods came full curcle.

Four empty bottles laid
scattered across the carpeted floor
and me laying under the coffee table,
with only my plaid boxer shorts and socks on.
My eyes would only half open
and my head was pounding
like a jack hammer and I knew why.

I sought pure enjoyment at that moment.
My first teenage ******.
I truly loved every minute of it
or I think I did. I don't remember it.
Maybe the following weekend
would be my second.
Jan 2017 · 487
Sinking Feeling
Silence Screamz Jan 2017
My body floats on the still lake water
as if I was a weightless piece of trash.
Nonrecycable and sent out to nature to vanish forever.
Helplessly, the white seagulls would fly over me,
circular in pattern, then the grey skies followed.

I begin to count each white seagull with their black, beady eyes, 1, then 2, then 3,
I lost count as my eyes became lazy with the evening sky.
It burdens me so as to why I started to grace the surface of the water in the first place. I could not fathom a reason or contemplate a thought as to why my fate led me here.

I became a floating vessel of skin, blood and bones, then I began to take on the murky water and sink.

Am I being erased into a watery grave and by the hand of some unknown entity?

I swallowed my last breathe of life. Slowly sinking to the bottom of the lake.
My mind erases the watery scene as I close my eyes forever.

Then I awoke in my own bed!!
Dec 2016 · 556
What a Christmas it was!!
Silence Screamz Dec 2016
A simple dust covered plastic mistletoe,
that stayed stapled above
the front door all year round
and a carton of Camel smokes wrapped
in red and green wrapping paper,
under the Christmas tree,
with a big silver "store bought" bow on it,
the tag said "Merry Christmas, FROM: SANTA"
is how I remember Christmas.

Ahh!! The Joy of Christmas
and no chestnuts roasting by an open fire.
We did have a real pine tree though.

My highlight of the holidays
was going down to the local VFW
and seeing a "Jolly Old Elf" with a fake beard,
he was really a fat, retired police officer.
But still Saint Nick to an eight year old boy.

You see that was the time when you got
out of the house.
When "he" started downing his
Christmas "spirits" and *******
down those cancer sticks.
The fumes were so thick at times,
I swore I was in LA ,
during rushhour on the 5.

After the frantically ripping open the presents,
us kids would dash off to our bedrooms.
Taking one or two gifts with us,
we created our own
getaway world, our own Christmas of Joy.

Then.

It began.

With voices raised,
even the mice scurried away.
I would wrap the pillows over my ears
and I would pray for peace on earth
and good will toward men.

Ghosts of my Christmas past
still seep into my memory at times
and
they haunt me till this day.
My Christmas past were not all joyful. Have a great holiday, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or joyous time
Dec 2016 · 606
Visit
Silence Screamz Dec 2016
Will you come visit my grave
when I die?
I want to say thank you
and die again.
A little quip
Dec 2016 · 695
Cradled
Silence Screamz Dec 2016
I was born of dust and bones,
to a battered mother across the pond.
With a warm *****
and gentle hand,
she would cradle me gently.

On a many days,
her eyes would melt tears
into my cotton wool blanket.
I felt her agony
seep through the simple
fabric of our bond.

The coward would stalk
her with his angry words,
Knowing she could not
leave him, because she
feared more bitter moments
of bruises

During the silent times,
her violent screams would turn
to whispers and lost time,
But she would always find a way
to cradle me in her arms.

As minutes turned to hours in the day,
I laid helpless in my crib.
A somber calm shadowed over me,
the feeling of my warmth was gone.
I wept but a single tear down
my rounded red cheek.

I could not cry anymore,
for I feared those angry words
and violent hands.
I laid in her whispers and lost time.
The cradle of her warm *****
and gentle hand were
no longer here.
From an infant point of view. Cradled by a mother, we seem to never forget when it all started
Dec 2016 · 280
Colors
Silence Screamz Dec 2016
The sun melted a crayon on my eyes and now I see rainbows
Silence Screamz Nov 2016
Our winter nights as children
would find us lying next to the floor vent
of the heater, at most two of us at a time, in our old drafty house, just to stay warm.

Dad would line the windows
with plastic and stuff towels in
the cracks of the panes to
stop the cold air from coming through.

A few times, we only had
the heat of our oven to warm up the kitchen,
Several bedrooms were locked up
to conserve what heat we had,
dad would always drip water from the faucet
to keep the pipes from freezing

My parents couldn't afford much
in those days, not on a mechanic's wage,
and feeding a family of eight
Our warmth was what we had,
our bond in the winter months
It' was not much warmth, but it was ours.

Our walks to school were even colder,
bristling through the knee deep snow
in our second hand, Goodwill jackets
and two pairs of thin gloves and socks
to keep our fingers and toes from freezing.

Every morning, my mom would prepare us
either a hot, steeping bowl of oatmeal
or cream of wheat, the smell of dad's military
coffee lingered throughout the house,
long after he left for work.

It was those mornings, I remembered most though,
those 6 am mornings, in a old, drafty house,
you could hear my dad shuffling the newspaper
just before my mom would knock on our bedroom doors to get us up

Its been a month of your passing,
I can still hear you rustle the newspaper
and I can still smell your burnt military coffee
every morning since and I still don't want
to get out of bed

We didn't have much warmth in that old, drafty house, but it was all ours.
My father passed a month ago, I don't think I am over it quite yet
Nov 2016 · 542
It's Me
Silence Screamz Nov 2016
Penniless drunk on the lonely streets of desire kissing the concrete columns of my "under the bridge" castle, keeping warm by the trash can fire, eating leftovers from the local Italian deli ... tattered suit of despair and sorrow ... a wee bit of a man

It's just a guise of human indulgence taking the air that I breathe for granted, even though it is laced with toxic chemicals that burn my lungs..I choke on life as I choke on this air ..hack hack
My life has been turned upside down as of late
Oct 2016 · 549
Didn't Get to Ask?
Silence Screamz Oct 2016
Both heart and mind are
shattered now that you are gone.
For I didn't get a chance to
say goodbye,
But I do have one question to ask of you,
Did it make you proud that I was your son?
My father passed on October 3, I didn't get to see him before he left
Sep 2016 · 317
Can We Dream?
Silence Screamz Sep 2016
Can we live to dream the impossible dream?

Where temperance and virtue have meaning,.

Where character stands for something stronger than the blank faces we tend to hide behind

Where words are powerful and are not some desolate idea of constant torture toward others

Where lives are not destroyed by bullets but prosper with kindness and love

Where we help the healing wounds of others instead of cutting the scar deeper

Where the colors of our skin are not seen but the whole person is viewed from the inside

Where we don't burn our cities to the ground when our leaders can't even shake hands and their evil grins continue to bounce off the wall

Where we breathe the same air without ******* in the toxic fumes that continue to choke us to death

Where we see through the same lens without them foggy up because of the destruction of the world

Can we live to dream the impossible dream or is the impossible dream impossible to dream when we continue to live?
Sep 2016 · 501
Bumped from Manhood
Silence Screamz Sep 2016
I was getting excited.
Waiting nervously, in my little boys mind.
I stood there patiently, a wee bit nervous but patiently.
My knees were starting to shake
My heart beat faster with each step I took
I was getting closer to my ultimate dream

This eight year old boy's dream to ride by myself, on the bumper cars at the county fair.

Every young boy remembers that moment
The moment when we can put the pedal to the metal and see the sparks fly from ceiling of the metal structure, as we slam recklessly into the next car and our heads bounce off the padded steering wheel...oh yes that feeling

The intensity inside me grew by every sinking flash of time.
The Kodak moment I was waiting for
You know that time..that hip hip yoorah moment of finally being independent

I was on the rise to manhood...or so I thought

The line moved as about as slow as molasses in the winter
Ten people in front of me now

Eight.....now six

Four ...now two

I was next...yes, yes, yes ..I finally reached the threshold of my manlihood

The grisly looking ride operator stared at me with bewilderment and confusion

Now is the time that he unlocks that chain...that barrier that holds back my freedom
The rusted links swaying back and forth.

Then err of calm set over me...the time is now
I am about to become a man..
"Stand tall" ..I said to myself

I stood tall on my tip toes, straining ever so slightly, to reach the top of that painted red line just above the cartoon elephant's finger.

That moment, frozen in time!!

The world went blank as the only thing I heard was that grisly, mean looking ride operator say:

"Sorry kid, you are not tall enough to ride this ride, maybe next year."

My cotton candy fell to the ground
Sep 2016 · 704
When Words are Silenced
Silence Screamz Sep 2016
When words are silenced, I can not hear them.

They are my voice, my mind and my body
They are the smallest mocule of intimacy that hold me together, I wrap these words around my little finger until it goes numb.
They grip my skin so tight it hurts and I pass out.
They sting like a black widow's bite and they kiss the moon with beautiful sound.

Those Words..like a powerful symbolic weapon made up of strong syllables and even stronger convictions, they are life's little secret.

A secret that needs to be shared, borrowed, used and abused.
But I dare not to be silenced anymore.

I want my words to be heard. Heard across the planets, the stars and deep space, where no vacuum can withstand the intensity of what I am saying.

My words will come faster than the speed of light but will flow more delicate than a red rose's silk petal. They will not hurt you. They will heal for what is meant to be healed, they will be kind and gentle.

Yes, my words will be spoken to any formidable ear that will listen. They will not make you bleed, they will only mold the sutures of time back together.

So try and silence my words, you see my words are driven from powerful thoughts of reflection, for you are the one that will be silenced by the seconds of a deaf ear.
Haven't  written in awhile!!
Aug 2016 · 509
Numb to the Edge
Silence Screamz Aug 2016
Your temper breaks the silence of the air
Ear shattering sounds emit violently toward me
One step, two steps closer ..not another step, please
I become deaf to the time

Rolled up fists, cocked and ready
Eyes bulging red with disdain
I hear the hissing sound of the steam kettle
I become crossed by the pressure inside

Lives are threatened by the pain you toss
Nothing to resort to but angry seams
I am being pushed to the brink by you
I become numb to the edge

I have counted the half seconds to fear itself
They mean nothing to me anymore
I am scared to face the reality of it all
I became the target of your aggression
Very true and dark time... my current mindset ...lost in reality, don't know what to do
Aug 2016 · 547
Truth be Told
Silence Screamz Aug 2016
I fear by the hand of my son with an unstable mind of careless pity and sorry ill repoir
Silence Screamz Aug 2016
Lay prone on the ground,
the needles of the green grass
travel and softly plunge into my skin.

I slowly close my eyes.

I start to feel the insects crawl over the contours
of my naked body. Creeping over every single inch of me, they begin to send electrical impulses of seismic shock into my blood.

I stop breathing for a split second.

My muscles tighten around my bones, no motion to behold, I am locked in place.
Their tiny mouths with razor teeth begin to feed on my skin and I can not scream for help.

I just heard my last sound.

My heart took it's last beat, my lungs took it's last breathe, my skin felt it's last touch
and my eyes saw it's last scene.
Then my mind had it's last thought.

Finally Peace.
The last moments of a victim.
Aug 2016 · 785
Thank God, You are Gone!!
Silence Screamz Aug 2016
You left me like chocolate raindrops hitting a river of mud flowing through a Saint Valentine's Day *******.

You left me like the last surviving, half naked girl running through the forest, during a 1980's
Friday the 13th movie marathon.

You left me like the last piece of pizza, that no one eats, that remains in the open box, that sits on the coffee table all night, after a college kegger fest.

You left me like when your wife leaves her wedding ring on her nightstand, while she goes out to her best friend's Bachelorette party at a strip joint.

You left me like the only kid in your class that never got picked for a game of kickball during noon recess in elementary school.

You left me like the backwash in the bottom of soda can as you offer me a drink, knowing there were no more sodas left in the fridge.

You left me like you do all the crumbs you leave in a nearly empty, wrinkled bag of chips after you were playing World of Warcraft for 16 hours.

You left me like the last match in book of matches as we try to start a fire during a family camping trip, then it starts to rain.

You left me like you did your last boyfriend with a long text that was meant for me, but you actually sent it to my mom.

You left me like the last petal on a thorny rose bush that clinges onto it's last thread to the branch that holds it, during a severe thunderstorm.

You left me like ... one second.

(Scratching my head)

Pause, never mind.

Thank God, You are Gone!!
Just a fun little quip
Aug 2016 · 335
Disappear
Silence Screamz Aug 2016
Hello there,
I saw you on the other side of the room.

Run away from it,
the doll that haunted us both.

Sits in the glass case,
She is right there
with cross, faded legs.
She wears a cracked smile
and stares into your shaken heart

Her eyes follow you across the floor,
Shhh!!
Listen closely,
A voice whispers through the air.

You sit pale in place,
salt encircles your chair.
Rosary gripped by white, knuckled fingers,
then you close your eyes.

She is no longer there!!
Aug 2016 · 545
Addict
Silence Screamz Aug 2016
The stars are like little pills
at the bottom of my cup.
With jagged edges and deadly powder,
I swallow each one slowly..
They fade down deep into the abyss

Eight ounces of the clear gasoline,
on the edge of the glass, rest the lonely lime,
I tilted up the high ball
and chased the stars into the abyss

The piercing tip of the syringe sinks into my bulging vein, tourniquet tightened, ready to push the plunger.
Mix the poison with my blood as
this addiction has adored me into the abyss
Aug 2016 · 386
My Other Self
Silence Screamz Aug 2016
The crooked mirror which hangs on the black wall fills my eyes with tortured pictures of myself
I stare at it every hour and I see ME!!
I see the views of what is inside and out
The scars, the bruises, the mind and the heart

I have tried many times to look away,
but I am forced to face it head on with my empty blank stare, while my head is strapped against the boards .

But what am I really looking at? You tell me

The eyes, the nose, the mouth, and the ears
I am confused by the gray, pixelated portrait of this image that is staring back at me

There is no emotion or temperance
Only a stale, black and white image of me
Nothing more
For I have accepted this cruel view for which I have been dealt

So now I will close my eyes, close the chapter and sleep forever
Jul 2016 · 292
Seeing the Elephants
Silence Screamz Jul 2016
We wait and wait, we wait til the time travels forward. The time, when tensions rise past the rows of gratitude and the fallen.

One young man asked me the other day "When will I see the elephants"
My humble response was with a resolve, "I don't know son, but when the parade starts, you will shortly know"

Gratious souls scurry in lines to defend their homes against the tyranny of the enemy.
Days would pass, one after another, waiting for the call of action, waiting for their turn to fire back.

A warning shot was heard from across the horizon. Clusters of smoke peaked through the forest trees,
arms exploded with each pull of the trigger.

Dropping like flies on a hot summer day. Men of all ages laid dead on the battlefield.  You could smell death in the air as the winds of change shifted ever so slightly.

That same young man, to whom was waiting for the parade, had been shot next to his heart. He laid fallen across my lap. I held his head ever so gently. My hands quivered with sadness and solemn tears.

Pierced just once by the bullet, a single hole in his chest bleed slowly across his body. With his glazed over eyes and a slight smile of his face, he whispered to me, "I saw the elephants and tell my wife goodbye"

I held his hand as he took his last breathe.

That parade was his final battle and seeing the elephants was his final moment.
"Seeing the elephants" is a term from the early 1800s, it represents the time when we are called to action and the battle starts in front of us
Jul 2016 · 419
It's Nonsense!!
Silence Screamz Jul 2016
Why do we have to cry a tear?
Sadness
Poverty
Hunger
Time

We bring the feelings to incite our minds

NONSENSE

Why do we have to instill the fear?
Rage
Anger
Attitude
Control

We bring the fist to bruise our hearts

NONSENSE

Why do we have to curse our brothers and sisters?
Bullying
Disrespect
Abuse
Cowardess

We bring the words to hurt ourselves

NONSENSE

Why do we have to break the world?
Shootings
Suicide bombers
Work place violence
******

We bring the gun to silence the crowd

NONSENSE

Why can't we just get along

IT'S NOT NONSENSE, IT'S LIFE
This is a crazy new world
Jul 2016 · 310
No Vacancy inside my Brain
Silence Screamz Jul 2016
A pull of the cord illuminates the neon sign
Invisible gases pass through the glass tubes
They flicker for a split second
Then they begin to glow

It reads, "NO VACANCY"
A glowing symbol for "leave us the **** alone"
or "get lost" .. to which one applied to me
HELL I didnt know.
Each single red letter determined my fate

I needed a place to lay my head down,
to rest the troubles of my life
You know the ones
The torment, the abuse, the bullying, the screams and the pain and those are the easy ones

Pounding on the keymaster's door,
I yelled at the top of my lungs
"Please give me a key"
But still no answer
Then my ears deceived my brain..
Finally, words that interrupted the silence

I waited for more
But silence pursued my mind once again
I pounded harder this time
Slamming my fist into the wooden door, my face turning beet red with anger and the veins pulsating in my neck as if they were about to burst like a balloon

Crash!! The tender glass shattered, breaking into a million pieces, ricocheting off my face as each piece began to dance waltzes on the distant floor

The door creaked open
It was then, just as I was about to ring the bell
My eyes opened wide
I woke up blurry from that nightmare
Strapped tight to an asylum's gurney

I couldn't move, pressured to the bed with ruthless white straps
Imprinting the cold metal buckle onto my forehead
I was trapped insane

That red neon sign glowed once again
This time in plain sight
Only a few feet from my eyes
My sight grew weary and my mind grew numb

The sign was clear and read "NO VACANCY INSIDE MY BRAIN"
Just a crazy little piece
Jul 2016 · 374
If I was the Bullet
Silence Screamz Jul 2016
If I was the bullet?
Would I strike your heart or hit the ground?

If I was the gun?
Would I fire the bullet or misfire the chamber?

If I was the person holding the gun?
Would I think about you or think about me?

If I was the finger on the trigger?
Would I squeeze it or pull away?

If I was the eyes looking at you?
Would I see your color or see the person?

If I was the moment?
Would I continue time or pause for the second?

If I had a thought?
Would I scream or be silent?

If I was a human being?
Would I love you or hate you?
Stop the senseless killings no matter who you are...don't divide, Unite!!
Jul 2016 · 544
I Whisper
Silence Screamz Jul 2016
"Please don't take my peanut butter sandwich,
I am hungry"

"But I am hungry as well"
(As HE takes it swiftly from my tiny hands)

"But I am only 8 years old"

"AND I AM YOUR FATHER, NOW GO MAKE YOURSELF ONE AND LEAVE ME ALONE"

Time pauses

I whisper in silence
"But, I love you"
Cruelty to a child
Jul 2016 · 449
Awesomesauce
Silence Screamz Jul 2016
"You are awesomesauce", I said to her.
She just smiled and said "Awww, Thank you!!"

(Then she slapped me, sarcasm inserted quietly)


She is awesomesauce in my book of poetry.
Awesomesauce
Jul 2016 · 291
Black and Mild
Silence Screamz Jul 2016
Your words are like bombs spitting verbal shrapnel into the limbs of the world
Severing the artery of the weak and nimble as you sit and smile while you toked on your Black and Mild

Your words castrate our brains from our souls, leaving us with empty thoughts and ideas
We are left with nothing but envy, pity and remorse as you sit and smile while you toked on your Black and Mild

Your words are my fuel that ignite the flames of bitter sorrow and my kind heart
I will survive the onslaught of desire and fear as you sit and smile while you toked on your Black and Mild

Your words no longer hurt me, scorn me or scare me, they don't own me anymore
My weapon is my pen, my power are my words
So go ahead, sit and smile while you toked on your Black and Mild

I will extinguish the flame
Jun 2016 · 511
I Counted the Stars
Silence Screamz Jun 2016
Every third day of the third week in July for the last six years
I would crawl out onto the hot, black shingled roof of our white and gray two story shuttered house
and I would try to count the stars in the southern sky

The course grains of each shingle would burn deep gouges into my knees and hands as if each shingle was punishing me for sitting on them.

But I hadn't a care in the world

For I had a reason and a purpose to be there
You see, that third day was my day, that third week was my week..

It was all mine...the day I would lose myself into the universe

As I nestled into my favorite spot, I leaned against the hard wood window frame, not caring for a second how I long i sat there. At that pristine moment, I just began to count the stars

Each single star I counted, whether it be faded as the night or bright as the day,  was surrounded by complete darkness. A pitch black of nothing.
Those were the lonely stars I saw and I breathed once again.

Each single star i counted, was all alone and afraid in the vast deepness of space with nothing to embrace them except for my eyes and my casual memories and I breathed once again.

This is my healing place. My escape from the life threatening complexities that invaded my inner being. I witnessed the thousands of morsels of light in the southern sky as if they were tiny demons millions of light years away, haunting and watching over me each and every night. For they can no longer touch me or break me apart. They will become the broken.

I have found my place of solace on top of that hot, black shingled roof of our white and gray shuttered house. Many peaceful nights I counted the stars, only to lose to count after I reached one hundred. My eyes would glaze over with an undue purpose of peace and I breathed once again as I started to count the stars all over again.
Finding inner peace on the roof top
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