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Jun 9 · 41
ichor
ame Jun 9
tear my heart apart
see if it's golden
i'll stay still for you, surrender
as your calloused hands break it open
watch as your mouth drowns in blood
darling, i'll let you keep the ashes
let me cry
Feb 9 · 46
umbra
ame Feb 9
darling there will be days when
shadows swallow us whole
the world will be drowning in waters
you could never learn to swim
whether it be with a steadfast heart or
a broken compass you cannot
trust anything to save you
when the darkness comes forth
do you know how long
this eclipse feels how cold it is
with nothing to keep us warm
in these cold black dawns
so take my hands in your own
they may not always be enough
and still they will be there always
unwavering if only to hold you
steady when you tremble
in these cruel black dawns
ame Jan 22
it must be so, so amusing to the gods
to bear witness to humanity
and its ability to fall in love
with the ones who seem most unlikely
and yet never so easily with oneself
it must bring them endless mirth
to see us adore in others
what we despise in our own selves
to kiss away a beloved's tears
with the same mouth we use
to curse our own existence
Jan 14 · 74
loss
ame Jan 14
there is nothing in life
left to lose other than the life itself
and even as i ponder i think
will there be any difference?
the world goes on turning
and those around me will
inevitably move on
and it's funny to think
how strangers who read the
spilling of my heart
wouldn't have any idea of
the day i perish
as there would be nothing more
than a trace on the web
the inactivity of an already infrequent visitor
there is nothing more left to lose
feeling the kms hours
Jan 11 · 67
once only
ame Jan 11
once i was within a dream forgotten
once only i saw myself with eyes bright
not unlike spring blooms and
a smile glowing like starbursts
blemishing the midnight sky
only once i saw myself so whole
so uncaring so at peace and only
in a memory so long ago it feels
like a lie deception
like watching myself watch secretly
another person reminisce
Jan 10 · 45
ease
ame Jan 10
Love isn’t a muscle. It doesn’t grow weaker when it isn’t used, nor does it decay when you haven't moved it for some time.

No, love is like breathing. It’s involuntary, it's natural. It's like when you were drowning, with saltwater in your lungs and the darkness consuming your vision — but the moment you hit the surface, you’ll breathe it all in, your body responding before you can even think. You’ll pull all the oxygen into your system for all you’re worth, until flowers have begun to bloom in your lungs again — and you’ll be surrounded by love.

And then, love won’t be so distant or difficult anymore. It comes as naturally as can be, and when it does, you'll know what to do.
from: oct 2019
ame Jan 10
know that I could never
bring myself to hate anything of this world
not truly not when there is nothing
I think lower of than myself
everything else is a mere
consequence a lashing out
an explosion an outburst
things I've kept for so long I
cannot stomach it any longer
no matter the control I have
it is no excuse but it is the only
reason I will ever have and
I am regretful with every word
I whip against bare hearts with
every raise of my voice and sharp eyes
I accept punishment in red lines
counted perfectly down to the
smallest sins it is not much but
it is all I can do to remind myself that
I am nothing better than anyone else
if anything I am at the very bottom of
this strange hierarchy and I hate myself
for acting like I'm not with this inability
to stop trying to prove myself worthy
of what I am not sure yet
of something I suppose
what this is about I've forgotten
there is nothing but regret
and emptiness despite the things
people say I've achieved
there is nothing but a noxious
void
ame Jan 10
why do you fight so hard with
tooth and nail and brittle bones
when the world does not even
give a **** about how much you have
screamed have cried have proven yourself
to be everything everyone demanded
from you why do you desire
so deeply to show yourself as strong
as fierce as you do when you lose enough sleep
at night your dreams full and festering with
your demons all which are alive and are
dead and teeming with foul whispers and
baleful eyes that you never fail to
see as you pass by any reflective surface and
catch glimpses of sullen eyes people have
said to be so so dead countless times
a manifestation of your flawless ability to
be special smart skilled an ace
a prodigy a golden child with
golden hands and a golden heart full of
rot that was once something pure
something kind
you are sick you are twisted you are
a shadow of what people see what people
think what people want what you
could be had you not been so selfish with the
inability to accept that you cannot be a
hero without being the hero why
are you so angry where does this
rage come from that you treat it like
a weapon a shield a lifeline
a punishment you cannot hold keep
to yourself just as you should
you dive headfirst blindeyed into fire and
wallow madly at the pain and cry
tears hot as blood searing as the pain
you have entangled yourself in for you
have such an appetite for light so much
greed that you choose to ignore how much you
have let the shadows eat away at your soul
you are brilliant you are selfish you are
terrible and dangerous like
coals feeding the light until it
is all but gone you are a
fire prone to consuming itself until
only charred walls remain
a reminder of the child who burned
itself out for all the things
denied from it by the world and
by itself
greed's appetite has all but an end to it

even with a jumble of words i am left discontent with myself
Nov 2019 · 153
warfare
ame Nov 2019
there is a war
that has made its home in my heart
coiled around rattling ribcages
shaking in its constant uproar

there is strife that runs in my blood,
and whistling bombs that fill
the recesses of my mind -
pure, white noise, searing and unkind

and in the hollows of my bones,
wanders something cruel, seething,
hidden in the cracks of my skin,
a restlessness no longer willing to be contained
ares continues to exist, and it is in the shatterlights of my pitiful soul, an abyssal of heartbreak and exhaustion and a thirst for revenge
Oct 2019 · 345
to the gentlest soul I know
ame Oct 2019
You have always been a reason to get up in the morning,
when the frost lingers and sleep webs my eyes,
And the early light would dance through the seams of curtains,
golden and pure and staining the room sunny.

You were, unwittingly, somehow there, a constant;
Ever a lovely presence, warm and tender against my heart;
You've always reminded me of early morning suns —
If I could see your soul, I think I'd see dawn.
Dedicated to KWJ; I miss you, always will.
I cannot begin to fathom what it would be like without you from now on.
Call me silly, dumb, foolish - but I won't ever stop waiting for you to come back to us. To them. I genuinely can't make myself think you would not.
Nine or none, until the very end.
I love you.
Oct 2019 · 248
Lost, Stolen, Lost
ame Oct 2019
I have never understood my own heart,
For its flutterbeat rhythm belongs to a ballad
whose notes I could not decipher,
And whispers its lyrics in frequencies
I fall short of hearing.

My heart beats for two, this I cannot forget —
For there is a dead girl waiting for her hollowed heart,
Barefoot on the banks of the River Lethe,
stuck with the souls roaming the land of the lost,
with the cold rush of black waters biting at numb feet.

There is a dead girl waiting in the immortal night,
Whose heart recites memories and seeks its own mysteries —
Now all the mysteries I am concerned with
are found in the touch of a cold blade against skin,
As though it is where I can get my fill of eternity.

There is a gone girl whose heart I feel for,
Who has once known the places I seek forever from —
For she has known eternity, once upon a time,
and lost her chance at it,
Left to be forgotten, heart for mine to steal.

And her life, I am left to live
Like shattered glass for all to see
and to bleed on and to wonder on my empty gaze,
Forgetting that I, too, don't always know who this heart of mine beats for
— though I know the lost search it lives for.
Oct 2019 · 206
Hades
ame Oct 2019
There is an unwavering smile on her face,
painted with undertones of anger;
There is tenderness carried in her fingertips,
with an unmistakable violence brewing underneath;
Her face is etched with lines of blinding mirth,
and it it clear that she is unfamiliar with laughter;
She is a walking tragedy, miserable and dead,
meticulously dressed in robes of normalcy;
Turn too quickly, and dare to steal a glance at those eyes -
All you will know is shadow, no life left to see.
Oct 2019 · 648
to devour
ame Oct 2019
so much anger burns in the pits of my stomach
a cold, bitter blue flame that consumes rationality
it leaves blisters sweltering in the hollows of my bones
with a dull white noise in my head that cries out for pain
and all i can do to sate the violence is to shatter already-broken skin
and tear at an already-torn heart
and still it eats away at me,
love that has nowhere to go, love that has rotten away
and here it becomes no wonder why there is nothing left to save me
Aug 2019 · 766
salvation
ame Aug 2019
by god, i know i am no hero
but that would not stop me
from burning every star
down to its dead core
if it meant i could save you
from your own hellfire

you could fracture my heart
with your sharp words
and your cold eyes
but still i would not hesitate
to paint my hands red
until my soul is blackened
as long as it meant
making you whole again
how can selflessness be so selfish?
Aug 2019 · 140
dead line
ame Aug 2019
god hears your prayers
unless you ask for mercy
he answers to all
things im going to hell for
Aug 2019 · 540
missing halves
ame Aug 2019
they talk of heartbreak as though romance is the only thing capable of such a thing
but they have not felt the pain of having a bottomless pit wedged between you and your best friend
they have no idea how much it hurts to see the other half of your soul smiling wide at others
while they are seemingly forgetting about your existence
they have no idea how heartbreaking it is to know you've hurt your twin flame with no idea what you can do to help
and how much worse it becomes when they refuse to let you near
because god knows he is my safest place in the world and beyond
and i cannot stand the thought of having to live without him
when i can barely get through the pitless nights without our mindless chatter
and our playful banters, our inside jokes
and by god i would do anything for us to grow back together
even if i keep ruining myself in the process
(and i know this isnt poetry anymore as much as it is just me ranting but for the love of god just let me wordvomit this because i really do miss my best friend and we're still fighting)
Aug 2019 · 167
burdens
ame Aug 2019
there is no earth on your shoulders, atlas,
there is only the rubble of stars in your veins
and the wreckage of your heart
and the oceans in your lungs
and the red on your hands
these sins are all you can bleed now, aren't they,
and they're not even yours, are they?
they are the ones that have fallen across the earth and to its ends
until they found their way to you
and scarred your once starry skin
so that you may bear and bleed these sins of theirs,
until you shatter underneath the weight of the world
Aug 2019 · 370
desperate
ame Aug 2019
there is no ichor left in my veins,
and no tears left to shed,
and yet i still find myself
screaming in a broken voice,
my sins bleeding for all to see;
begging with dead eyes,
filled to the brim with emptiness;
and a patchwork heart
hoping for someone to save me

i am no person,
my god, i am my own grave,
and by god, do i plead
for even the smallest mercy;
why does nobody seem to hear me?
is it because they feign ignorance,
or is it just that
they've long forgotten
the difference between my silence
and a cry for help?
Aug 2019 · 406
haunted
ame Aug 2019
there's a sense of loss that stains these quiet halls,
filled to the brim with the absence of you
the lights flicker overhead
like the dying embers of these dreams you left
and with the tatters of my heart in my hands
i wait for you, alone, still

— The End —