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ame Nov 2019
there is a war
that has made its home in my heart
coiled around rattling ribcages
shaking in its constant uproar

there is strife that runs in my blood,
and whistling bombs that fill
the recesses of my mind -
pure, white noise, searing and unkind

and in the hollows of my bones,
wanders something cruel, seething,
hidden in the cracks of my skin,
a restlessness no longer willing to be contained
ares continues to exist, and it is in the shatterlights of my pitiful soul, an abyssal of heartbreak and exhaustion and a thirst for revenge
ame Oct 2019
You have always been a reason to get up in the morning,
when the frost lingers and sleep webs my eyes,
And the early light would dance through the seams of curtains,
golden and pure and staining the room sunny.

You were, unwittingly, somehow there, a constant;
Ever a lovely presence, warm and tender against my heart;
You've always reminded me of early morning suns —
If I could see your soul, I think I'd see dawn.
Dedicated to KWJ; I miss you, always will.
I cannot begin to fathom what it would be like without you from now on.
Call me silly, dumb, foolish - but I won't ever stop waiting for you to come back to us. To them. I genuinely can't make myself think you would not.
Nine or none, until the very end.
I love you.
ame Oct 2019
I have never understood my own heart,
For its flutterbeat rhythm belongs to a ballad
whose notes I could not decipher,
And whispers its lyrics in frequencies
I fall short of hearing.

My heart beats for two, this I cannot forget —
For there is a dead girl waiting for her hollowed heart,
Barefoot on the banks of the River Lethe,
stuck with the souls roaming the land of the lost,
with the cold rush of black waters biting at numb feet.

There is a dead girl waiting in the immortal night,
Whose heart recites memories and seeks its own mysteries —
Now all the mysteries I am concerned with
are found in the touch of a cold blade against skin,
As though it is where I can get my fill of eternity.

There is a gone girl whose heart I feel for,
Who has once known the places I seek forever from —
For she has known eternity, once upon a time,
and lost her chance at it,
Left to be forgotten, heart for mine to steal.

And her life, I am left to live
Like shattered glass for all to see
and to bleed on and to wonder on my empty gaze,
Forgetting that I, too, don't always know who this heart of mine beats for
— though I know the lost search it lives for.
ame Oct 2019
There is an unwavering smile on her face,
painted with undertones of anger;
There is tenderness carried in her fingertips,
with an unmistakable violence brewing underneath;
Her face is etched with lines of blinding mirth,
and it it clear that she is unfamiliar with laughter;
She is a walking tragedy, miserable and dead,
meticulously dressed in robes of normalcy;
Turn too quickly, and dare to steal a glance at those eyes -
All you will know is shadow, no life left to see.
ame Oct 2019
so much anger burns in the pits of my stomach
a cold, bitter blue flame that consumes rationality
it leaves blisters sweltering in the hollows of my bones
with a dull white noise in my head that cries out for pain
and all i can do to sate the violence is to shatter already-broken skin
and tear at an already-torn heart
and still it eats away at me,
love that has nowhere to go, love that has rotten away
and here it becomes no wonder why there is nothing left to save me
ame Aug 2019
by god, i know i am no hero
but that would not stop me
from burning every star
down to its dead core
if it meant i could save you
from your own hellfire

you could fracture my heart
with your sharp words
and your cold eyes
but still i would not hesitate
to paint my hands red
until my soul is blackened
as long as it meant
making you whole again
how can selflessness be so selfish?
ame Aug 2019
god hears your prayers
unless you ask for mercy
he answers to all
things im going to hell for
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