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ame Jun 2020
tear my heart apart
see if it's golden
i'll stay still for you, surrender
as your calloused hands break it open
watch as your mouth drowns in blood
darling, i'll let you keep the ashes
let me cry
ame Feb 2020
darling there will be days when
shadows swallow us whole
the world will be drowning in waters
you could never learn to swim
whether it be with a steadfast heart or
a broken compass you cannot
trust anything to save you
when the darkness comes forth
do you know how long
this eclipse feels how cold it is
with nothing to keep us warm
in these cold black dawns
so take my hands in your own
they may not always be enough
and still they will be there always
unwavering if only to hold you
steady when you tremble
in these cruel black dawns
ame Jan 2020
once i was within a dream forgotten
once only i saw myself with eyes bright
not unlike spring blooms and
a smile glowing like starbursts
blemishing the midnight sky
only once i saw myself so whole
so uncaring so at peace and only
in a memory so long ago it feels
like a lie deception
like watching myself watch secretly
another person reminisce
ame Jan 2020
Love isn’t a muscle. It doesn’t grow weaker when it isn’t used, nor does it decay when you haven't moved it for some time.

No, love is like breathing. It’s involuntary, it's natural. It's like when you were drowning, with saltwater in your lungs and the darkness consuming your vision — but the moment you hit the surface, you’ll breathe it all in, your body responding before you can even think. You’ll pull all the oxygen into your system for all you’re worth, until flowers have begun to bloom in your lungs again — and you’ll be surrounded by love.

And then, love won’t be so distant or difficult anymore. It comes as naturally as can be, and when it does, you'll know what to do.
from: oct 2019
ame Jan 2020
know that I could never
bring myself to hate anything of this world
not truly not when there is nothing
I think lower of than myself
everything else is a mere
consequence a lashing out
an explosion an outburst
things I've kept for so long I
cannot stomach it any longer
no matter the control I have
it is no excuse but it is the only
reason I will ever have and
I am regretful with every word
I whip against bare hearts with
every raise of my voice and sharp eyes
I accept punishment in red lines
counted perfectly down to the
smallest sins it is not much but
it is all I can do to remind myself that
I am nothing better than anyone else
if anything I am at the very bottom of
this strange hierarchy and I hate myself
for acting like I'm not with this inability
to stop trying to prove myself worthy
of what I am not sure yet
of something I suppose
what this is about I've forgotten
there is nothing but regret
and emptiness despite the things
people say I've achieved
there is nothing but a noxious
ame Jan 2020
why do you fight so hard with
tooth and nail and brittle bones
when the world does not even
give a **** about how much you have
screamed have cried have proven yourself
to be everything everyone demanded
from you why do you desire
so deeply to show yourself as strong
as fierce as you do when you lose enough sleep
at night your dreams full and festering with
your demons all which are alive and are
dead and teeming with foul whispers and
baleful eyes that you never fail to
see as you pass by any reflective surface and
catch glimpses of sullen eyes people have
said to be so so dead countless times
a manifestation of your flawless ability to
be special smart skilled an ace
a prodigy a golden child with
golden hands and a golden heart full of
rot that was once something pure
something kind
you are sick you are twisted you are
a shadow of what people see what people
think what people want what you
could be had you not been so selfish with the
inability to accept that you cannot be a
hero without being the hero why
are you so angry where does this
rage come from that you treat it like
a weapon a shield a lifeline
a punishment you cannot hold keep
to yourself just as you should
you dive headfirst blindeyed into fire and
wallow madly at the pain and cry
tears hot as blood searing as the pain
you have entangled yourself in for you
have such an appetite for light so much
greed that you choose to ignore how much you
have let the shadows eat away at your soul
you are brilliant you are selfish you are
terrible and dangerous like
coals feeding the light until it
is all but gone you are a
fire prone to consuming itself until
only charred walls remain
a reminder of the child who burned
itself out for all the things
denied from it by the world and
by itself
greed's appetite has all but an end to it

even with a jumble of words i am left discontent with myself
ame Nov 2019
there is a war
that has made its home in my heart
coiled around rattling ribcages
shaking in its constant uproar

there is strife that runs in my blood,
and whistling bombs that fill
the recesses of my mind -
pure, white noise, searing and unkind

and in the hollows of my bones,
wanders something cruel, seething,
hidden in the cracks of my skin,
a restlessness no longer willing to be contained
ares continues to exist, and it is in the shatterlights of my pitiful soul, an abyssal of heartbreak and exhaustion and a thirst for revenge
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