I want to take it all away from you
every last ounce of discomfort, bring it to me
I will bear it on the back of my shoulders
never letting you see the way it weighs me down
if I could take it all tomorrow, if it were gone tomorrow, you wouldn’t have to worry again
I’d hold it without a hint of pain on my face
I would breathe for you, be the breath in your lungs, give you the strength you need for today
if I could take it all tomorrow, I would take it all away, I would put it on myself without hesitation
I’d take the soreness, the fatigue, and weakness
without a second guess, it would be gone tomorrow, you would feel no more pain tomorrow

I want to feel desired
once again
I want that feeling of yearning
for my heart and my body
for it is not a crime that I crave your affection
your skin upon my own
something once given so openly
but now seemingly vanished
I want to hear “I want you”
and for me to know just what you mean
I’m patiently waiting for you
to come back to me
to desire me once more

I:

need,
want,
miss,
love,

you.

all I know is that I love with a love that is different
giving all, taking none
yet sometimes everything feels a little twisted
I find myself selfishly needing the validation
the validation I usually on speak towards another
I crave the feeling of deep connection
on levels beyond the physical
please give the affirmation I silently scream for
don't you see that all my dependence stems from words I don't hear?
I nag at your mouth to try to understand the whispers
I hate that I need it but its all I've needed

you sing the language of my heart, o, songs so sweet, too lavish to name. it is true that pure and just souls are the only ones with ears to hear the melody sung by you. no other tainted, conceited heart is equipped to understand the tongue you speak. an ode of love so powerful that those that are wicked in nature condemn the song they choose by action not to hear. O, sweet and utter fools! my tender spirit breaks for the judgment they bestow on you,  for what do they know since they cannot hear the melody? their preconceived notion‘s are their faults and blindness, they are deaf to your song of love. and again I say what do they know? since they chose not to acquire the language of true and everlasting love. and it is to be said, those who do not hear are ignorant in love, and not by bliss, but by stupidity.

you feel distant
but at the same time so close
a thousand miles away
and also nose to nose
my heart feels like it’s breaking
but also as if it smiles
the daytime feels like darkness
yet the darkness feels like light

if you went away tomorrow
I hope you’d take my love away with you
as your body returned to the dust in which it came
I would pray your last thought would be my love
and when you closed your eyes, I hope you’d feel my lips
the kisses that translated a love I couldn’t speak

my mouth can never say all that you mean to me
my body can never show all the affection I feel
because I’m everything I am today because of you

you’re the breath that fills my lungs
and the fire inside my bones
you give reason to my woe
no matter how dark the night may seem
and you’re all that I need, all that I’ll need

in a crowded room,
why won’t you say you love me?
are you too ashamed?

God knew my heart needed you
for a time such as this
to be my rock and my protector
my safe place and the source of my smiles
to give me hugs when I’m cold
to kiss my mouth when I’m speechless
to hold my hand when I’m unsteady
and He let me find comfort in your warmth

everywhere I go
you’re not
it’s all you
you, you, you, you

I can’t bring myself to get out of bed
my aching soul just wants you near
the tiredness of my eyes craves your warmth
so finally they can close with a sense of safety
the burden on my heart is too heavy to bear
I lug it with me everywhere I go
I tell myself that a happy heart still breaks,
and joy still has pain
but even through it I can never rid it
so please forgive me
I am feeling an unimaginable sense of grief

he touched me
and my knees felt weak
my mind went blank
and I didn't know how to speak

I'm tired of fighting for your affection
an attention that never comes
I look forward in anticipation
only to be met with disappointment
that you don't take romantic leads

my days are longer without you near
the sun sets slower, and my nights stay darker
the clock is ticking but I feel no remnant
I drag my feet behind me with my chin to my chest
kicking up dust with my shoes
what I live is a pattern of monotony
a constant loop of never-ending tedium
the rising and setting of the sun is all the same
it’s a pointless cycle of idle moments
sitting still instead of doing
each hour is a broken record catching on its hinge
it doesn’t move forward, but neither backward
not until I spend my days next to you
because seconds last longer when I’m not with you

you looked, but did not follow
and I think that broke my heart more

I hear him every night in my dreams
whispering words I don’t understand
the way his sentence rolls off his tongue
leaves me translating his body language
because it’s the only language we know to speak

you are the morning song sung by the birds of the air, and the chimes of the gentle beasts of the ground.
you are the bubbling of the stream that winds through the trees, and the mighty white-capped waves of the sea.
you are ethereal forbearance, and you lavish a merciful grace upheld by the truth that you are not entirely perfect.
you are the stars and the rolling thunder, with humble sounds of triumph and whispers.
your love is deeper than all of the oceans, it’s higher than any mountain.
and I’m falling further into your love that won’t leave me on my own.
it’s a love that holds on and will not let go.

you are the sculpture
sculpted from purity and clay
your edges, gilded and refined
rough spots smoothed away with patience
a loving-kindness molding your temple of modesty
I make my declaration of loyalty
a vow to love your ever changing frame
your body crafted by empires of dirt and grace
life breathed to your lungs by righteousness
what once was stone is now a alive
with color lighting your babe-like skin
you stand with liberation
because paralyzing stone makes you no more

all I wanted was a kiss
a kiss I had craved since the last
I hadn’t even asked for much
just a moment with you
and no one else
nothing even outrageous
just an innocent second of love
with no prying, teasing eyes
a time where I could take you in
feel you and all your affection

I buried my head in your shoulder in vexation
closing my eyes and instead relishing your warmth
and yearning for a day with no interruptions
where I can focus on you, and only you
because all I want is your love wrapped in a kiss

I saw your beauty,
and I could not breathe.
speechless, breathless, helpless—
air suctioned right from my lungs,
dry and barren, only my eyes were alive.
I relish in the sight before me,
worshipping with sinful habits.
I fell to my knees,
peering up through my lashes to meet your gaze.
my mouth watered and my body trembled,
begging with my eyes to have my wish granted.
you knew all that I wanted,
and all I wanted you gave to me.

can we dream about the future,
without living in the now?
can we please just fantasize,
about what we want to be,
instead of where we are,
will you dream with me?

when I fell in love on earth
I fell in love with heaven

all I feel is alone
dark is the only thing crashing through
I want to be found
I need someone to carry me
because I am all alone

have I become mundane?
are my “I love you’s” monotonous?
am I just a hopeless case?
I try to have an optimistic outlook
but as days pass, everything comes up empty
and I don’t know how the hell to do this
I’m making it up as I go and nothing works
and I pretend to know what I’m doing
but in reality I’m flying blinded

I knew the moment I saw you, that you were the love of my life
seeing the way you glow when you smile,
and how your eyes almost squeeze all the shut when you laugh,
makes my heart skip a beat.
you stole my breath away with the sound of your voice, a voice so calming and true.
you mesmerized me with your thoughts,
and I was captivated by everything you said.
you left me inquisitive, curious and yearning.
I could never help but be freed from my burdens and worries when I was next to you.
your warmth enveloped me like a kiss,
and I could never get enough of it.
I promised myself right then and there to love you.
I whispered gently, so gently that only I could hear,
that you were the love of my life.

there’s a strange haze that settles in my chest
between my ribs and deep in my heart
lies an enigmatic pile of debris
my finger can not pinpoint the culprit
I debate whether it’s shame shoved in a body
or a tainted memory from years past
all I know is it troubles me
leaves me suspecting the state of my confidence
from where does my dilemma stem?
maybe an action from the ***** of uncertainty
a cocktail of apprehension and regret
bottled up and serving two
no sense is made of the mixture
it leaves a bitter and sour taste on my tongue
and an aftertaste of humiliation

my greatest fear is your own mortality
the mere thought of your breath leaving this world
frightens me too much to fathom
I pace and yearn to know you’re safe and sound
abhorring the ease in which these burdens fill my space
an overwhelming longing for clarity occupies me
an my chest tightens with horror every passing second
an unexplainable terror making home in a bed of lies
it knows that I need you to sleep
I toss and turn, unable to stay still
until I know that you have your breath
the light fades to a dark distress, deep anxiety flooding me
anguish cradles me with lullabies of deceit
and all I can do is lay as my hands cover my ears
but external sounds blocked do not block whispers inside my mind
all I see is a collection of neurosis
my own inquietude steals my breath like a thief
I lie awake and shake with dread and trepidation
until finally I’m on my knees looking above me
“please, let him have his breath” I cry vanquished
“all I ask is you keep him shielded from all harm”
I hope that you still have breath
that you inhale, exhale a breathe of peace

I’ve no one to share
the joy that is in my heart
no one will listen

is silence stronger
than words that end up empty
or do you hear them?

my heart breaks for what breaks yours
everything I am falls apart with you
let me be your refuge and your strength
I will give you all of me for all my days
so long as you trust me with your heart

won’t you fight for me
when my heart calls out to you,
or will you ignore?

am I a drag, a bore?
what do I even try for?
all my hopes and dreams of loving,
have hit a snag.

you remind me that there are no monsters under my bed, no voices in my head and nothing that can ever harm me,
when I’m with you.

I don’t want your memory to fade
I don’t want to be left bleeding
if you ever walk away, I would break
the colors I see would be shades of grey
a sledgehammer to my heart,
brute and burning
a fear of a door slammed shut
and I left on my knees drowning in my sorrow
my heaven turned to hell the moment you left
I don’t want our love to be a battlefield

sometimes I wonder
if you think about me too
or if you forget

I’m always afraid
afraid of losing my heart
and my heart is you

with his love I’m surely freed,
given a life beyond me.
he takes my pain, makes it his very own,
now bearing the weight at my side.
all I do, is for You, for the love, You give to me.
behold the man who loves me free.
I was dead now brought to life.
his love rescued me.
in the deepness of the nights,
he lays quiet at my side.
and when I’m bound with fear,
he reminds me that he is near.

I erased all the words about him
yes, removed completely from my works
because shame is all I feel when I look back
a guilt so heavy and repressed
so quieted and tucked away
I pledge to myself I must never mention it
and vow to try and rid the wicked from my mind
mistakes I’ve made and made again
sorrows so burdensome that I not even look
that myself, so ignorant and blind
dare toss away a future for a moment
I shudder at my folly
I wonder why I was so blind then
so swept up in a great faux pas
how naive I was! how childlike and gullible
this I must confess

will you pursue me,
chase me in a loving way,
and show you want me?

when I look at you
love is alive in my eyes
it still lives in me

the stature of a tree
deeply rooted in the softness of the ground
intertwined and entangled in nature
driven by an unexplainable instinct
to bear down in a soil damp with rain
roots dug further to earths core
a satisfaction of nature’s fulfillment
an act defined by a drive all know
blossoms bloom and erupt in beauty
and the breeze sweeps through the branches
as a breathless, tired earth breathes
the ground wraps around the tree
clinging in love and protection
two beings now made one in one act to be whole

you’re my glass slipper
immaculately formed just for me
there’s only one of you
that was refined for only me
and together we fit
we fit just perfectly

I want to know every inch so well
remember every groove of your skin
I want to learn all there is to know
so teach me the ways of your body
let me love you in every single way

I crave your voice in the darkest night
and your gentleness comes running to me
the very second I call out to you
you’ve taught me what safe feels like
and you healed my broken soul
I didn’t know what love was until I met you
your love gives me wings
I fly above the cloudy skies I couldn’t conquer
but now I don’t worry anymore
you’ve given me a lifetime in our short days
and I hope our days feel shorter
as we live our forever together
from now on I promise to scream it loud
scream to the world I love you
I’m not blind to this feeling like I once was
I embrace the love we have
and I always will love you

one month down
forever to go
one kiss felt
millions to come
one moan out
a thousand more to sound
one touch placed
an infinite amount to feel

my eyes shot open and terror gripped my bones
I breathed heavily through my nose, eyes scanning my dark room.
with my chest heaving, my fingers fumbled for my phone;
with a click the brightness illuminated my face
quickly, I found your name but I hesitated,
fearful of disturbing you, bogging you down with my own horror.
but I had no other choice. at that time you were my only source of calm.
the dial rung one, two, three times and when you answered I felt relief.
hearing your voice my breath at last evened,
and my heart slowed.
you comforted me whispering I was okay and you were right there.
the gentleness found in your essence, I relaxed.
your quiet presence held me closely under the bend of tired vocal cords.
without any question you decided to stay with me
and as if I had come and crawled in beside you in your bed,
you planted a kiss on my head and wrapped me in your warm embrace.
soothing me you surfaced the calm within me
and there was no maybe in your commitment to stay.
hushing, quieting, lulling and rocking me to sleep
I felt your protection, I knew I was safe,
and the safety in your arms will never disappear.

I fell asleep listening to your breathing
it sounded like music in my ears
the way your chest rose and fell
the sound of your inhale, exhale
rocked me fast to sleep

sometimes I don’t know
how I am to talk to you
and I’m filled with guilt