CONVERSATIONS: Poems

May 2018 · 166

CONVERSATIONS May 2018

Those days are so dark
When death seems like a joke
Not a single hand to hold
Emotions untold
The new beginning to an end
Leaving my scars behind
The new painting
I bet you won't remember me, said I
Mockingly walking out of the room just like they did out of my life
Little did they know
That they paved the way to my death
Murdering me brutally
With words and their act
Slowly and peacefully
I'm closing my eyes, promising
No death by the hands of mine
I'm falling in love with this feeling
Perhaps only a dead would know
The feeling of not feeling
Anything, anymore.

Mar 2018 · 161

Do you hear me?

CONVERSATIONS Mar 2018

Do you hear me?

They told me you shouldn't cry
I believed and lived in wry
They told me you should understand
And so I stood still waiting for a hand
They told me you should smile
Turning it upside down, yet another hostile
They told me you should express
I wrote in words of blood and along came distress
They told me not to whine
Hence my resort, a glass of wine
They told me you are wrong
Very well thought I, let's now sing a song
Alas, satisfied.
Appreciated by my own
For the brave person I became
Positivity that they admired
Meanwhile came
A voice from within
Mourned, screamed, tremored
And whispered
"Are YOU still alive?"

Jan 2018 · 161

Pretty woman

CONVERSATIONS Jan 2018

Pretty woman

I've forgotten what it is to feel more alive,
Each day
To hear my heart beat with emotions,
The panting while I walk,
The sweat after running,
The eyes watering to see my family after ages,
The laughter of friends,
The pin drop silence of the class acknowledging my presence,
The anxiety before a large audience,
The tears through comedy sitcoms,
The love of the dearest,
They say "This too shall pass."
What if it won't?
What if this is what one chooses?
With all the life I can pump back in my body?
Alas, no strength to feel an emotion!
No more space for a personality.
Trapped in my body
Is a soul which feeds on your darkest side
"Isn't the bad stuff easier to believe?"

Oct 2017 · 167

Lost

CONVERSATIONS Oct 2017

Lost

How I killed myself
A thousand times
And more.
Only to plead for a life
Just once.

Oct 2017 · 237

In my head

CONVERSATIONS Oct 2017

In my head

Sitting on the bench
Dungeon dark
Blood rushing, violent thoughts
Lights flickering
Silent cries
Swollen eyes, vengeance solidified
A sudden urge
Ugly middle position
And that my friend is how a
Psychopath was born.

Because mommy told me
"Not everything has to be set right"
Let this be imperfect forever.
Let me go crazy
Mistaking me for my impishness
They gave me a new identity.

Everything was lifeless and I found it bewitching!
Why does everything have to be so dark thought I
When I can paint the world in red.
Favourite.
The blood of thy enemies,
The peace of my mind.
Was just like I had learnt in Science
Directly proportional.

Dear Lord grant me pardon
For I have sinned,
Letting my mind control my heart
And let it win
But how helpless am I
For my heart was never mine
Losing it to the devil,
I knew I had found my life.

Jun 2017 · 185

Ma

CONVERSATIONS Jun 2017

Ma

She is the strength that I breed,
She is the fresh air that I breathe.
She is the beauty that they all see,
She is my ocean and even my sea.
She is the light in the dark,
She is often the target of my words like a dart.
She is my sleep in the night,
She is my confidence through the worst niete.
She is the veil that protects me,
She is the love that I mean.
She is the tears that cry for you,
She is the tree growing up as a yew.
I never told her how much I loved her,
I never really needed to.
She could always see what I would become
She was beyond special
She was my mum.

Jun 2017 · 833

Forget me not

CONVERSATIONS Jun 2017

Forget me not

I'll sit there all alone,
Hoping you'd join me in my zone
I'll listen to you,
Hoping you'd hear my truth just like few
I'll walk with you through your darkest times,
Hoping you'd wander in my thoughts and mind
Will you remember me?
When I'm gone .
Will you miss me?
When you're lost.
What if I promised you
That I'll never leave you alone?
Would you still bother
To forget me not?

May 2017 · 340

The rain

CONVERSATIONS May 2017

The rain

I stared at the ceiling fan
Thinking about the man,
The man who sat at the bench
Enjoying being drenched.
I wondered how he loved the rain,
When I thought it was all in vain.

What was I missing?
That he had gained
Why couldn't I enjoy?
Thinking it was a pain
Tears rolling down my eyes
I had been freed.
From the feeling of not feeling
I think I just needed to breathe.
I woke up at the sound of the thunderstorm,
Wanting to sense it too,
The rain that poured
Drop by drop and so very soon.
Never had I felt something so deep,
Questioning what made me weep.
With a blurred vision,
And a heavy heart
I had found a reason.
Sad I thought was that part,
When I fell in love with the rain at once
For now I knew it better than anyone,
The task of concealing since months
The tears I had been hiding from every single one.

May 2017 · 290

Silence

CONVERSATIONS May 2017

Silence

Every single day of my life,
Has been spent in silence.
This has become a routine for me.
A routine which I never wanted;
A routine where
Without speaking a word,
My loved ones are hurt;
A routine which makes me feel miserable.
Silence: I hate you!
We both don't get along that well,
I hate you because you make yourself available,
Everytime.
I hate you because you comfort ego;
I hate you because without you,
So many problems could be sorted;
I hate you because you depress me;
I hate you-
For you have compelled me to write about you,
And not speak.

Dedicated to a friend of mine, Roopali Arora. Encouraging me to express through words.

May 2017 · 785

A friend of mine

CONVERSATIONS May 2017

A friend of mine

Alone she sat,
Unaware of her impact
Silence that could ****,
Catastrophe that would build
Yet all she did was smile.
Inexorable that she was
Knowing that solitude was her strength
And a weakness of mine.

— The End —