Plagued by the troubles of my heart,
Forced expressions to play the part.
If only you knew the routes of my wounds.
The faces I have seen, the loves I had to release.
Curse-d ambition to persevere towards my dreams,
Though my closeted skeletons wept,
searching for their tendons of meaning.
For the places I fled to-to try and make home,
only invited the evil drowned in the vastness of my soul.
Leaving only the rottenness to soothe my bones,
and the incessant weepings to be my song-

"Never stop reaching for your 'dreams', even if everything cease."

I am so loved.
And it hurts me.
Because I don't know if I will ever be able to love them the way they love me.

When they are down and low,
I am there to pick them up and help them grow.
However when the roles are reversed,
I push away and isolate.

I don't let them love me, because it hurts me.
I don't want them to feel the pain I ache,
For if I confessed and had to watch them break along with me,
it would only cause me further to bleed.

I know everyone tells you you shouldn't face it alone,
and I bid that to be true.
However, I can't help but be consoled by the deprivation of my isolation.

So.
Here I stand in my twisted musings,
Knowing that my seclusion will lead to no means of deliverance,
but only further increase my resistance.

Nonetheless, I will reside,
for though I am deprived,
I can't help but sort of...

kind of...

enjoy this ride.

Do you ever feel alone in a crowded room? Now, do take time to stop and ponder this. I mean more than feeling like you have no one or know no one.

Let me express, have you ever felt so alone in a crowded room though many may know you? Though many tried to converse with you? Though many looked directly at you, smiled a little, or made a small gesture towards you?

Have you ever been so crowded in a room of people you loved yet felt so unnoticed... so small, as if you were literally beneath them all? Thinking just maybe you are as invisible and small as you feel. However, you know all these people love you, at least so they say they do. So, you begin to assess your faults, thinking maybe I caused them to turn the other direction or caused them to see right past  me. The blaming game begins to roll its dice and all the turns lead up to you. The over analyzing has become over bearing and you can feel your mind on over drive. Yet, you can't make it stop... because you really don't want to make it stop.

For, it is those thoughts... this silence... that keeps you from feeling so lonely.

Tell me.
Have you ever felt alone in a full room?