Yesterday I was happy.
I was full of energy that radiates to people I meet.
I wasn't even thinking about you-- Im slowly forgetting everything about you.

BUT

Today I feel like I'm drowning.
My thoughts float like a lazy sweep,
sliding, bouncing, swaying with what people says.
My arms are heavy, my legs cramps-- but nothing compares with the sad emotion that my heart silently cries.

I don't want you to suffer. I don't, too either.
This love that springs between us should stop before it grows and bear bad fruits.

I will try to unlove you. I will try to keep swimming away. I will not call you back just to keep you with your family.

P.S.
Do not worry because I know I can do this.
I just need a little bit time to adjust and not fall with your eyes

Its not the first time I did it,
Nor the last that I plan,
For there is something good about it,
something refreshing.

It was still dawn when I found her
slightly sleepy yet alert.
I think she knew what was bound to happen,
yet I pray that she don´t.

I slowly focus my 9mm,
a little low from her bowed head.
Her eyes flickered a little when I sighed and pulled the trigger.

I hit her!
I hit her hard!
She fell from the branch she was sitting,
her body now lying on the ground.

When I was about to pick her up,
I was caught frozen at my place.
A chain was pulling me back,
holding me hard that I can´t breathe.

'Stop the stupid storytelling,´ a man said.
'Stop believing that you can make a change.´

The woods turned to walls,
The ground turned to cold granite floors,

And her I am again
lying on the floor,
staring at the broken mirror,
remembering each my unfortunate luck,
while the dead mockingbird stares back.

Sometimes I wish I'm a different person,
Sometimes I wish I could easily be in a relationship,
Sometimes I wish I could be normal,
Because I'm tired now of being the person they want me to be.
I'm tired of bridging things just to save everybody.
I'm tired of being the strong one when in fact I need someone whom I can hug, kiss, and cry my burdens to.
I'm freaking tired of this life.
I'm don't know what to do anymore.

I'm so afraid that one day all this love I´ve saved up will not be given to anyone.
That the years of asking for the one, will be wasted
And I will be alone in an apartment with a dog and goats,
computer and notes,
Writing poems and scripts,
Wishing that fantasies were real.

Why do I feel I'm such a failure?
Why do I feel I don't deserve anything?
Why do I need to reassure myself every minute?
Why do I need to stop myself from inflicting pain?

It won't pay your bills
It won't pay your debt
It won't pay your dream wedding
But it can fill you whole.