I beg to be lifted,taken and quieted
pleading for mercy of darkness
waking with dread standing near to my head
waiting patiently there for death's kiss
there is no peace nor bliss
Each day that passes drives deeper the blade
in this mess of a life, in my bed I have laid
this emotional mess, won't deny that I made
I beg to be finished,ended and quit
screaming in silence so loud
I walk, catatonic, the hell is harmonic
and wouldn't my daddy be proud
You've done all these things that a woman should do
and oh, did I mention, I am so proud of you
just remember those sermons that always rang true.
hell awaits those who end their own life
just grit your teeth girl, and be a good wife.
I wake one more morning tight gripping that knife
hell or the hell we live in
my pleasure would lead me away
from that which had drove itself deep
of that which has anchored its home
and that which has claimed me as thine
my heart would tell me to follow
and its beautiful lies pulled me on
and the words , the riddles did soothe
the flesh that still clung to my bones
I tried to find pleasure in others
to minus the fool that I have become
to dull the pain which loving you brings
to soothe away that which is wrong
i find comfort in song
as it dwindles down low
into the night
the touch of you hair
between my fingers
the torturous lie
i choose to believe
may more of a pain
than a cure.
I do this because, loving you only would be the death of me.
I wonder what your words mean
when spoken softly to me
I wonder if you hide away
your feelings for today
I sit in darkness waiting
yes, I wait for you it seems
to make me reach for heaven
in your sweet ******* dreams
And these silly boys who love me
and these vampires, yes they bite
and I will write my poems
so deep into the night
and he will sigh and smile
and they will think its true
but baby just remember
my verses are for you.
You bring the light.- From The Dark Faerie Journal
I may be one of the most confused people who have ever lived or either the biggest fool. Whichever it is: I guess it doesn't matter.
I lay with my head in his lap as he played with my hair. He smiled that wonderful smile he did and ran his hand across my forehead. His voice was like some silken material rubbing against itself and so I sighed at the softness of it. I didn't know what magic he used or if he did at all but I couldn't shake it and I hated my weakness. He spoke and at first I didn't hear a word. My mind had wandered to the point of his goodbye. It would be soon as all he did anymore was drop by to say hello. What was the point anyway?
"You are beautiful." he spoke in my ear and I smiled. The sugary sweetness of his words dripped into my ear and down into my soul. This is why I hated him sometimes. This is why my heart ached so. He would speak such beauty to me and how special I was and then he would leave me. He said he did not lie to me but his actions were so inconsistent.
I rose up from his lap and just stared at him. I couldn't take my eyes from his and I felt the tear threatening to come. I know he hated it when I was sad but I was just so sad lately and no, I still had not found that light he wished for me to find. The light that was here in front of me was just so bright that I saw no other.
"Why do you speak those things to me and then stay away for so long?" I allowed him to take from my eyes the truth of my doubt. Yes, I doubted because no one had every told me the genuine truth. No one that I could remember. I had found that all others before him were liars. It was almost as if I wanted him to be a liar so I could find it before it found me, so I could fix me before I ******* up as I always did....so I could go away before I was rejected.
He sighed and I could see he was about to reprimand me again. "You know I have to leave, and as a matter of fact...I have to be going." He reached out and caressed my cheek smiling.
My shoulders dropped and I nodded. "Yes, of course." I dropped my head as well to hide my hurting.
"Hey, you're the best you know." He reached out to hug me and I allowed it as I always do. I hated the hold he had on me.
whenever he is gone, I think of all the things I want to say. I think of all the angry accusations I want to throw at him to quell my hurting. But everytime he says hello, I just can't do it. And even as I try to walk away, I hear his voice in my ear, and his touch on the wind. He is just a man, a man like any other so why do I feel this way?
...these things they work not.- From The Dark Faerie Journal
Your pain, I taste it on my tongue and roll it around in my mouth
mixing it with my own agony to create a sweetness
that is simply unfathomable.
You join me in the night and listen to my giggles
cackling and breathless playing
As the southern breeze passses over my thighs
you feel it upon your hand, a gentle caresss
I gasp, and realize that you are with me
Turning to and fro flitting between the trees
My eyes are wide, I feel you here.
Weaving between the borders of evergreen
grasping the limbs and pushing them aside.
My heart races and I catch a glimpse of something
then it is gone
Almost with me- From The Dark Faerie Journal
oh, defeat that she will give
past the time she wasted, live
yet, the tears did drown the sive
but, she still tried to catch them.
Oh, she was the best to please
to all of them and all of these
make behave and make believes
but never did she give it
heart cave in so as is we
drama filled as I may be
yet so true that you don’t see
what she felt, she owned it.
needed and yet seperated
the baby cried and so frustrated
cried. oh woe, for woe is traded
is she.* wipes eyes* yet, undone?
She wandered here and yet she knew
and wandered there and never true
until she found her heart in you
peace and yet her heart is void.
heart felt empty still unknown
Those accusations made alone
wrapped around the rag and bone
choked her half to hell and back
fame her weakness made her limber
finding in herself the member
she hated that she could remember
heart so dark. She held it near.
resented the betrayal lept
into flames burned all except
someone she admired and kept
in his darkened ego.
she felt it and the desperate plee
to understand the ways, and the
reasons for her groveling plee
sit within her loss and cried
Of the dwindling pride did stir
it made the hate well up in her
make believe and then did stir
fear of invisible nothings.
Oh, but words, her only friend
took hold her hand with hungry pen
another world so deep within
made a better her for her
pulling threads that surely scar
bound and stitched her hurt by far
like the strings on a guitar
pulled so close she was them
wounds o wounds with scars that drip
from her eyes I took a sip
with my hand i traced the rip
that made her smile again.
She cuts and opens so darkness can flee.- From The Dark Faerie Journal
In the old back woods
we watched him lay to see
his soul before the world
in this captivity.
In the old back woods
he spoke a language be
in mumblings incoherent
to be as he should be.
A rag, a bone and hair
he shrank two sizes, three
and scampered underneath
the leaves among the tree.
His eyes so beady blackened
he still could stare at me
and he led his army onward
to make the putrid flee.
A tail so long and mangy
flipped two and fro in glee as
he motioned for his cousins
to chant the words of we…
in order to be free.
- From The Dark Faerie Journal