I long for the siren who whispers my name in her song
Who calls me into the oceans of her eyes
And drowns me in her words.
Her voice lingers in my mind from times past
And like a scar on my heart forever lasts
Through my looking glass I, the oceans, peruse
In search of her, my first and only muse.

To feel this much anger
at even picturing a persons face seems,
in itself, harsh.
But picturing that face
Those faces
Sends my mind in pursuit
Of a crusade
To avenge myself
The younger self
That was taken from me
And stripped bare
And shot
As I stood by watching.
Those faces plague me in my sleep
And torment me as though I've done wrong
But I haven't
And I will find them
And hurt them
As they have hurt me
Or worse.
They will weep.
I promise.

Drop a stone in a well
And wait for it to
Splash into the water depths
You feel
Exist
Interminable seconds pass
And the echo of contact
Does not bounce up the stony sides
A white pebble
Gleamless as it falls through dark darker
Than pitch at midnight
Falls
And nothing more
The consummation of sound
Is never made
It won't be
And yet
You wait
With an ear to the yawning mouth
You wait
Perhaps forever
For the satisfaction
The confirmation
Of a plink at the bottom of a well.

When I turn 18
I'm gonna exercise my rights
That atrophied muscle I was denied
Since I was born.
I'm gonna start with a lotto ticket
And a pack of cigarettes
(don't think I'll smoke them though)*

I turned 18 eleven days ago
And since then my dreams
Like puffs of smoke from the cigarettes
I never bought
Have dissipated into air that just barely occupies my lungs
I have no home
No family
No rights to the one thing I wanted
The one thing I convinced myself I deserve:
Happiness.
Gangrene eats the atrophied fibers
And loss of hope eats my soul
Aren't these trials supposed to make me stronger?
Or am I too weak?
I don't want to carry on.

Beautiful, elusive
Dancing on light feet
Fleeting
To catch you and hold you close
Making wishes and promises
In six-inch voices
Is worth watching you
Float away
Just a little bit heavier
With the burden
Of my whispered dreams.

Once in my life
I have died and felt it
Once upon a dream.
A needle was embedded in the crook of my arm
And I drifted and sank
I felt my entire body go limp all at once
and the covers rise to cradle my form
All the more gently.
Every burden, every trouble dissolved
Into a darkening black
And relief washed over my soul
My mind
I was finally at peace.
As I embraced it
I was yanked from its grasp
Thrown back into the reality
Only dreams can impart
And then still further
Into the life I tried to escape through sleep.
I opened my eyes and lay there
Breath came slowly to and from my lungs
Disappointment clouded tear-filled eyes
And I longed for relief by death in a dream
That I have not had since.

What happens on the theater of life when the curtain closes?
Does the main character give one more bow
One more sweep of the audience through the opaque curtains
And then walk out stage left to a different reality?

The wind whistles
A low, low whistle
Through the tiny spaces
Between the windows and walls.

Little by little
This house falls apart
Much in the same way
The family did
So, so long ago.

When I see buildings scrape the sky
I imagine them swaying, enveloping, falling
Rooftops bending to kiss the earth
Glass exploding from windows
And raining down
Refracting vicious rainbows
Slicing the air.

When I see this house, though
It doesn't sway
It doesn't fall
It doesn't explode or implode

It just crumbles.

Little by little
Corners are worn and chipped
Paint peels into long, curling tongues
Cracks creep like slow lightning
Across dun walls
That once shone white.

Everything is falling apart with time
And we have not been spared
This house
                    or one another.

When you thought you're just a kid
You revel in your youth,
When you thought you're all alone
You realize that you are one being of billions,
When you thought everything is gone
You know there is more to be found,
When you thought there's no home
You feel home in your heart,
When you thought this is the end.
You find that it is also a beginning.

I'm doomed.
*You are not.

True love can not be spoken
into a lover's ear.
It cannot be heard
by a most sweetest dear.
It cannot be given
in a box with a bow.
It cannot be taken
forcefully, or no.
It can though, be felt
by the sincerest of heart
Between two lovers
ten worlds apart
Who yearn for each other
and look to the moon
Knowing their lovers
are looking at it too.

Out with the old and in with the new,
Make your resolutions and hold them true,
Paint grey skies with the color blue,
Wishing the best Happy New Year to you!

Mirror, mirror on the wall
You used to make me feel like ****
Every piece of me refracted back
Broken and misplaced.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
How I wished that I could change
Oh, why the long face, child?
Because I am sad
Because I am ugly
Because my face is long.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Reflections of every mistake
Many a lip have touched theirs to yours
*****, *****, *****.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
How much I've longed to break you
So what you show me for once holds true
Fractured within and without.
Mirror, mirror once on the wall
You are there no more
I took you down yesterday
And replaced you with a painting
Something I made myself
A real reflection of me.

It begins as a whisper on the wind
Floats like dandelion fluff
Into an open, waiting ear.
It dances through the canal
Tiptoes to the brain
And leaves behind
The heart of its matter
A seed
A seed, an idea
To be watered by inspiration
And sunned by experience
To grow into a thought
And bear the fruits of action.
To be eaten by the many
And digested by the few.
To come forth as words
Which echo throughout the world
Resonating from cacophony to quietude.
Then as whispers, move on the wind
Floating like dandelion fluff once again.

I stood in the rain today
And waited for the bus
Instead of getting a ride
The curiosity was getting the best of me
I wondered if you would show up
Even though it was a whole week since
On my way back home
I saw you
Or, rather, you saw me
And our eyes met
And I smiled and you smiled back
And when I got off of the bus you waved
And I waved back
Hopefully that wasn't a wave goodbye
Because I never caught your name
Or had the chance to throw mine
You seemed like a really cool guy
And I liked your hat.

This anger
This hatred I feel
Soothed only by the throbbing in my head
and thoughts of my demise
Through the blooming of rosy waterfalls
as I shower and slice
Through the cascade of pills and
poisons down my throat
Through the stepping off a precipice
while the wing rings in my ears
Thoughts will remain thoughts, though
Because I haven't yet built up the nerve
Or lost sight of the tomorrow
you promised.

I like that you like dragons
and that you can cook
and bake
(cheesecake, especially)
I want to kiss you and hold your hand
and go sky diving with you
the day I turn 18
I want to show you all of my favorite places
and see all of yours
I want to sing for you
and play all the lovey-dovey songs
I know on my ukulele.
I like that your favorite number is mine divided by 7
and that me + you would equal two
I want to lie with you in a meadow
under the clouds and the sky
and point out all the silly shapes
like millions have done before us
then flip over and watch the grass grow
I want to introduce you to Almond Joy
You make me feel silly
and giddy
Like I've spun for way too long
and then suddenly stopped
while the world keeps rushing around in fits of color
You make by heart beat fast and pound at my ribs
You make me feel like how I haven't felt in a long while
You make me blush - and I don't usually blush
I smile every time I think of you.
I really, really like you.
A lot.
:]

Drifting together and drifting apart
Friends on the sea of life
Never really knowing where we'll end up
That is a true source of strife.
Changing and changing over again
To always become someone new
And more often than not, losing yourself
And what made you really you.
Well, my friend, if it happens to you
Then I will be here forever
An anchor in the sea of life
Constant in every endeavor.

You say time moves too fast in your life
Well, that's because you're running the race
Missing everything you pass by
And only looking forward to the finish:
Your 401k and then your grave.
Time for you moves faster than the bullet train
That you ride every morning to your cubicle job
And every evening to your home that doesn't feel like home.
Busy bees always moving never stopping never pausing for a comma.
Living for the sweet honeyed relief of retirement or death
And never knowing that as you are living to die,
You are dying to live.
Repetition is your life and it moves really fast.
Day in, day out.
Day in, day out
metro, boulot, dodo
Train, job, sleep
And unfulfilling sleep at that.
You convince yourself that all these petty things that make up your life
That get you closer to your petty dream of riches and *******
Are actually worth something.
World problems don't bug you, you live in a world all on your own.
You glue your eyes to the pavement and walk with "purpose"
Long strides and arms swinging and making buzzy noises
As the sleeves of your suit rub against your sides
You can't let any time be wasted so you flood your day
With meetings and work, cigarettes and nights at the bar.
Stress is your best enemy and insomnia is a close friend.
Busy busy, buzz buzz
Moving, always moving.
So fast that death comes as a surprise
And you think
What the hell just happened?

Whispers backstage
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots.
Shhh~
The show is about to begin.

Remember me?
You once called me the apple of your eye
And now you don't call at all.
I can't say we both look upon the same set of stars
because we don't.
And I can't say we both look at the same moon
when I see it from my bedroom window
because I know it is daytime there.
Remember when you taught me
to love the ocean
as we sat out together on the rocks
while you caught fish
and I caught *****?
How we would fish until the sun sank into the water
and the tides and the moon rose?
Do you remember?
All of those times you said "I love you"
all the times you hugged me so tightly
How if anyone would ask about me
you'd hold me under your arm
and say, "This is my daughter!"
with the biggest grin on your face.
Do you remember?
All the stories you used to tell
about the first scrambled egg
or the higgledy-piggledy wangra
Are they still there?
Or has the heat of the Sri Lankan sun
and the hum of the ceiling fan
let these memories drift away?
Have you forgotten me?
I let you back into my heart
just so you could break it again
with silence.
You told me how bad it felt
To lose your dad.
Why did you take away mine?

to be completely honest.. it hurt. really badly.
i really liked you, like you.. and it hurts.
what did i do wrong?
when you told me that we were thinking the same thing
i actually thought i had a chance
and i couldnt help but smile
even after my cheeks hurt.

Every song brings back the pain
Makes me die inside
Over and over again

Kiss me like it'll be the last time
Because it might be
Hold me in your arms like I'm already slipping
Because I am
Find me in these bottomless depths
Because I'm lost
Show me a reason to live
Because I can't find one
Look into my eyes for as long as stars are old
Because the light is dying
Pick up the pieces of me I left behind
Because I don't know where they are
Plaster a smile onto my face
Because I want to feel how I look
Wipe the tears from my eyes
Because I can't see anymore
Tell me everything will be okay
Because I honestly want to believe it
What happened to me?
Who am I?
Why?

Sometimes I cry.
Usually it's before bed.
My pillow becomes wet with tears
let loose by loneliness, anger, surrender.
My body shakes as each sob tears through my soul
and vibrates through my vocal chords to come out as helpless whimpers.
My arms constantly reach for comfort and reassurance, but grasp nothing but despair.
I blink through the tears, seeing nothing,
and wonder why I'm still alive.
If anyone would miss me if I were gone.
My lungs search for air in gasps
between each bout of fresh tears
and take in thick fog
that suffocates everything but my cries.
I can feel my heart physically breaking
and losing its once-steady beat.
This goes on for the longest time.
Until my throat is parched, my tongue is dry, and my eyes are empty
My body numbs over and everything goes limp.
I am already unconscious though I am awake, so there is no transition to sleep.
I do not dream.
I wake up the next morning with crusty eyes
and a sunken feeling.
There is no relief.

They say you fell into the creek.

Well you did, but not by accident.

You fell from the willow,
Like the tears you so often shed of late.

Life was too much
So you breathed the water like it was air,
Gasping between unheard sobs.

Drop by drop by bucketful of current
Moved between the folds of your dress
And pulled you in deeper and deeper.

The wreaths of flowers entangled around
Your wrists, your hair, your neck;
Beautiful nooses,
Symbolic of despair and misdirection.

Your life left you
Like a hey nonny, nonny
As innocence fled from Denmark
To the safety of inexistence.

How she wanted to pull you free,
But didn't.

This was your final escape.
You deserved it.

And now you lie
In a grave dug by comic relief
And filled with regret.

An unmarked grave
For an unmarked soul
Tainted by nothing,
But the wet mark of suicide.

I want to be your dreamcatcher
And skim sweet dreams
Off of nightmares black.
Made by the most careful hands
To hang over your bed on the darkest nights.
Twine entwined 'round a circle never ending
And feathers tumbling to the wind
That seeps in through the
Window cracked open.
Night night
and only the sweetest of dreams
to plague your sleep.